The internet was abuzz on Friday with news of Tomkat’s breakup, and while it certainly was no surprise that the marriage of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes didn’t last — Cruise’s previous two marriages also ended in divorce — I’d be shocked if the world’s most famous Scientologist remains single for too long. Chances are, another marriage contract will be offered to another desperate starlet, though if Tom Cruise were to ask me my advice, I’d suggest he just come out of the closet already and wave his rainbow pride flag with the same gusto he exhibited years ago on Oprah’s couch. I know we still have a long way to go toward gay acceptance in this country, however crazy that seems in the year 2012, but what is the guy afraid of? At 50, his career has a bigger chance of being negatively affected by his age than his sexual persuasion. I’d even argue that if he can act the fool as he already has for the last two decades what with all his weirdo religion stuff and manic behavior and still get paid millions to make movies, then coming out as a big ol’ queen isn’t going to hurt him either.
And so what if it does? At least he’ll be free. At least he can openly love who he loves and won’t have to hide anymore. And if America truly isn’t ready to embrace a gay action star or whatever it is he is these days — wasn’t his last movie role in a musical, anyhow? — and he never makes another movie again, who cares? It’s not like he’ll ever run out of money. It’s not like he can’t find a million other things to fill his time, like knocking therapy, and visiting his home planet.
So, go for it, Tom. Announce your gayness. Put your action roots to use and kick down the closet doors once and for all. Maybe Travolta and Clooney will follow you out.
Oh, and Katie, here’s my advice to you: Go underground for, like, three years until all of this blows over and you drop way off everyone’s radar. Then stage a big comeback with a movie in which you play a transgendered cancer patient (Oscar!), and get knocked up by that guy Jennifer Aniston is currently dating. A celebrity love triangle scandal is just what you need to erase the lobotomized Mrs. Cruise image from the collective conscious. Good luck!