It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss getting married at 18, being “just a number,” and dating royalty.
I’m eighteen and my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years. He recently proposed and we’re planning on getting married. So now we’re trying to figure out our life together. I grew up in a pretty strict Christian home and my parents don’t think it’s right for me to move in with him before I’m married. I, however, don’t mind. Our plan is to move in with his mom until we get stable jobs and onto our feet and then to find an apartment or house. But my parents told me this is wrong. They also told me that, if I choose this way, they won’t support me anymore and won’t help me with college — and they also won’t sign the papers for us to get married. Moving there is the only way I’ll be happy — and keep him. What do you think I should do? — Young and In Love
Getting married just to “keep” a guy when doing so means losing the home you live in and the support you need to get through college is so balls-out stupid, it boggles my mind that anyone would half a brain would consider such a thing. If you’re so in love, your dude will wait until you finish college. If he won’t wait now, just imagine how little support you’ll get from him when you’re married!
P.S. You’re 18; Why do you need your parents’ consent to get married?
I met this guy a few weeks ago at a work event and we hit it off well. We text just about every day. We live several hours apart, but he has driven to my hometown once to take me out, and I once to his. On our second date, we went back to his place to hang out, which ultimately led to sex. I asked him before the act if we should do it, that I didn’t want to be just “a number.” He said he really liked me and that he was amazed by how much we had in common, but that he understood if I didn’t want to have sex.
It’s been almost a week, and he doesn’t seem as eager as he used to (initiating texting, the things we talk about, etc.). I’m worried that I gave it up too soon, and that he might have lost interest. Have I ruined it? — Moved Too Fast
Unfortunately for you, this guy was only interested in you for the sex and once he got it, he was ready to move on. If he wanted a relationship with you, he would have told you that’s what he wanted or that he was willing to wait until you felt ready instead of saying, “I like you, but I understand if you don’t want to have sex.” That’s code for: “I understand if you don’t want to have sex with someone who doesn’t want a relationship with you.”
I met this guy, and he really likes me! He’s falling for me fast, and I’m not sure if I feel the same. See, I’m 21, and I have never had a serious relationship, and have never had someone treat me like the queen I deserve to be treated as until I met him. I admit that I’m scared to fall in love, and I wonder if that’s holding me back from admitting I like him. I talk about him to my friends sometimes and I question myself daily as to if I truly like him. I really want to! But I’m just not sure. Plus he’s ten years older than I am and I don’t know how I’d accept that. So my questions to you are: Do you think I like him, but I’m just scared to admit it? And, should I give him what he deserves and be with him? — Scared to Fall
People don’t “deserve” to be treated like royalty simply for being alive, and I’m not so sure you’re who this guy necessarily “deserves” to be with just because you liken yourself to a queen. If you think you may like, go on a date and see if you click. Why are your pressuring yourself to “be with” someone you aren’t even sure you like?
*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org and be sure to follow me on Twitter and ‘like’ me on Facebook.