Woah, the last time I checked, it takes two people to make a baby. You being pregnant isn’t something you’ve done to ruin your boyfriend’s dreams. He is every bit as responsible for your pregnancy as you are. Futhermore, why does a baby have to mean your — or his — dreams are over? You, as a mother for 11 years, should know that your life doesn’t stop the minute you become a parent. Yes, your priorities shift; you have to make compromises; some things that were once easy require a lot more forethought and planning; and maybe you don’t get to do everything on that bucket list of yours. But parenthood doesn’t mean your life stops. It doesn’t mean the dreams you have won’t ever be realized. Maybe they won’t be … but maybe they wouldn’t have been even without the baby. Dreams change all the time as we grow and evolve, and among the biggest opportunity for growth and evolution is becoming a parent. Parenthood can create new dreams. Bigger dreams. Better dreams.
But I’m not telling you anything you don’t know. You’ve been a mom for a long time. You’re just worried that your boyfriend doesn’t know these things, and that he won’t wholly embrace the opportunities parenthood provides. And maybe he won’t. But there’s a far better chance he will if you approach your pregnancy from a place of positivity instead of a place of dread, and if you come to the discussions you’re bound to have over the next many months with an open and patient heart and a willingness to share your ideas for making it work. But it’s also important to remember that you don’t have to have everything figured out just yet. You’ll figure out together. Together. You didn’t get pregnant by yourself, and if this man truly loves you and has even a shred of decency, he’ll stand by your side and support you through whatever decisions you make. Together. Because that’s what grown-ups in mature relationships do, even if it means re-imagining how their future and dreams will play out.
*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.