I am into gaming, and that is how I met this 18-year-old guy. There was something about him, and I could tell the first time we spoke that he is special. However, he was engaged to be married to another woman who was a year younger than I. Whatever happened between them is none of my concern as I’m concerned now for myself. The things he says to me I have never heard from anyone ever! The way he makes me feel is as if this is the very first time I have ever felt love. Neither of our families want us to be together.
When I followed my heart once before, I ended up single and it took me three years to pull myself together. Taking risks is dangerous now. I know that I have an amazing 4 year old who only deserves the best of me and of life. But talking to this guy makes me feel less alone. He and I have planned to meet in the summer when my life isn’t as complicated. Your thoughts are much appreciated. — Mrs. Robinson
I’m not sure what you’re asking here. But I’m going to assume you want to know whether or not it’s wise to “date” a teenager when you’re pushing 30 and are a single parent of a 4-year-old. And the answer to that is no, it’s not. Even if you knew this guy in real life and he lived close enough to date-date (as opposed to whatever it is you do together online), you’re at completely different stages in life. Maybe in seven or eight years your age difference wouldn’t be such a big deal, but the difference between an 18-year-old guy and a 29-year-old mother is immense. Trying to fit your lives together would be like trying to force a square peg into a round hole.
Beyond that, you don’t sound like you’re emotionally ready to date anyone yet, let alone some teenager you met on a gaming site who lives somewhere else. You talk about your life being complicated, and how taking risks is dangerous, and that it took you three years to get over your last broken heart. And none of that means you don’t deserve happiness or that you’re unlovable or you won’t ever find someone again. But it does sound like you may need to give your search for love a little more time until you aren’t so vulnerable. It seems like the idea of another broken heart is almost more than you can bear, and, if that’s the case, don’t rush things. Continue focusing on your child and yourself. Only date again when the idea of potentially being hurt — which, frankly, is a risk anyone faces when opening herself (or himself) up to love — doesn’t absolutely crush you. Date when you feel strong enough to handle disappointment and rejection. And then, when you’re ready, date locally and date age-appropriately (i.e. someone older than college-age). It’s complicated enough to balance a love life and family life as a single parent. Don’t dump a whole host of other complications on top of that by pursuing romance with someone whose lifestyle isn’t compatible with yours.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].