The story starts when I was hired for a new job via phone interview. The man that I spoke to was funny, confident, and calm, and immediately I developed a crush. All this without even seeing what he looked like. This crush developed over time to an infatuation and then eventually a deep love, but I’m getting ahead of myself now. Because of the structure of our job, we all work in different cities, connecting through email or phone calls and only seeing each other a handful of times a year. My feelings for this guy (who is technically my boss) grew stronger and stronger as we got to know each other. He is everything I’ve wanted in a man plus so much more; I would feel like the luckiest girl on this planet if I could be with him.
We went a whole year without my confessing my feelings for him, but we grew closer and closer in a friendship with a lot of teasing and possibly flirting. He is so kind and considerate that my heart just melts every time I speak with him. He remembers details of my life and is always asking about specific points that most people would forget. He drove me to the airport, a 30-minute drive away, at 4 a.m. when he had to be there later on in the day to catch his own flight. He opens doors for me and treats me like a lady. This is part of who he is, but I can’t help but take these gestures as a sign that he likes me as well.
Last year I finally worked up the courage to tell him how I feel. (Albeit with liquid courage, but it was better than nothing). His response to me was that it can’t happen and that he was not going to change how he acted around me. I was a little heart-broken but still held hope. Another year and a half has gone by and my feelings are stronger for this beautiful man and I am the most confused I have ever been. It is quite evident that we have a connection and that we get along tremendously. This is not only my silly girl brain saying this — I have colleagues who know about my crush and have said that exact thing.
Logistically, it’s even more confusing. When we first started, we lived within 6 hours of each other but then he moved to the other side of the country. He recently decided to move back home, and now I’m moving to where he was last year. He is coming to see me at the end of the month before I leave, and I need to tell him my feelings. I know I have to do it to get it off my chest. If his feelings are reciprocal, then what an amazing story; if not, at least I can get a hard no and try to move on. I should also mention that there is a possibility that I will no longer be working with this company next month.
My question to you, Dear Wendy, is: Should I tell him, and, if so, how do I do it? — Hoping for an Amazing Story
I’m confused. Didn’t you ALREADY tell this man how you felt about him? And didn’t he ALREADY tell you that a relationship between you can’t happen? Regardless what hints about his feelings for you you think you’ve seen or what other colleagues think they have seen (and they don’t know what is going on in his head any more than you do, unless he’s actually told them), this man/your boss knows that you are into him and, if he wanted a relationship with you, he would have initiated one. Personally, I would leave this alone until, at the very least, you are no longer working under/with him. Maybe he IS into you but doesn’t want to compromise his job by starting a relationship with someone who is technically a subordinate. Or maybe he’s not interested in a long-distance relationship. So, I would wait until the threat of rocking the boat at work has passed (i.e. you no longer work with the man) before you make another play for a relationship with him. Just be prepared to get an answer you don’t want. After all, you’ve already gotten an answer you didn’t want. The likelihood that the answer has changed without you knowing about it is pretty slim.
I have been in a relationship with my fiancé for over two years (I am 27, he is 30), and I have been engaged to and living with him for over a year now. The situation of living together was unpleasant from the very beginning. We met at work, which is three hours away from my home, while he lived at home when we met. Our cultures are VERY different, to say the least. When I moved in with him, we lived at his aunt’s house, which is a minute walk from his parents. We had absolutely nothing, except a bed and toilet — no shower, no closet, no kitchen. It was only temporary though because his parents were repairing a house for us to live in, which we moved into after eight months of living at the aunt’s house.
I’ve always lived away from home (since 19) and seeing his parents every day when we lived at the aunt’s house (for showers and eating all meals), drove me crazy. Now, we’ve been living in “our” house and nothing has really changed; I still have to see his parents every day, and I just hate it. I’ve told my boyfriend that several times, and I even asked him to leave an option open for maybe moving away because I won’t be able to live here for long. And he said that, no, he’s not leaving!!
So he gave me two options. I either accept this situation (and I can’t) or I move. But I really love him. What do I do?? It is driving me crazy. I’ve been very supportive; I’ve lived at his aunt’s house for eight months because he asked me to (money issues), but now I just don’t see the point. We both work. I want to have the same relationship with his parents as he has with mine — seeing them once every two weeks or so. What do I do?? — Tired of Seeing His Parents Every Day
You take the more bearable option. You either accept the situation that your boyfriend says will not change (staying where you are, seeing his parents every day) or you break up and move away. Those are your choices. You may not like them, but not liking something doesn’t change the fact, and the fact is that your boyfriend will not change his relationship with his parents to appease you. If it were I, I’d cut my losses and MOA. There are other men out there who are perfectly happy only seeing their parents every couple of weeks as you want.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.