I dated a guy TWO years ago. He convinced me how much he was in love with me, I fell HARD then, you guessed it, a month later he left me high and dry. After talking to people and doing my research, I found out what a terrible, egotistical person he is and that he’s cheated on every girlfriend, blah blah blah.
Here’s the problem: I CANNOT get over him. I think about him all day, everyday. I dream about him. I stalk him on Facebook. I stalk and Google his girlfriends. I compare myself to his girlfriends (he goes through a lot of girls). I haven’t had a relationship since him and I’m convinced it’s because I can’t get over him. I don’t know what to do anymore. I know that I will NEVER EVER EVER be with him nor do I want to be. But I’ve become obsessive in thought about him. And every time I try to cut him out, he creeps his way back in. What. Do. I. Do? — Obsessed with My Ex
It sounds like you’re projecting a lot — if not all — your romantic fantasies onto this guy to avoid the reality of putting your heart on the line and getting to know someone new. You dated him for a month? Two years ago? Yeah, MOA because whatever it is you think he means to you isn’t real. It’s a distraction — a distraction from pursuing something that is real. I imagine you’re avoiding reality because deep down you know that it hurts sometimes. A real relationship has the potential to truly break your heart and that’s scary. On the other hand, a real relationship has the potential to reward you in ways you probably haven’t even let yourself imagine (at least not for the last two years).
The truth is, if you can’t move past that distraction on your own and get back in touch with reality, it’s probably time to see a therapist. For whatever reason, this little one-month relationship has left you unable to trust your own judgment, which is a scary feeling for anyone. If we can’t trust our own judgment, what’s to protect us from getting hurt again? You need to learn to deal with that fear and move on. Dating and having relationships is a risk. But the promise of something REAL and substantial is worth that risk. It definitely beats living in a fantasy world where nothing ever progresses or changes.
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