This letter appeared this week in Salon’s advice column, “Since You Asked,” written by Cary Tennis:
The second time we made love was one of the best times I’ve ever had. I felt very close to her and made what in retrospect turned out to be a mistake: I told her about my father’s sexual abuse of my sister and my mother’s enabling of it after she found out it was happening.
I explained that Dad has changed a lot — he paid for and participated in therapy for all of us (I have two brothers) and isn’t the same person he was 30 + years ago. I also said that Mom hasn’t changed much and doesn’t understand why my sister refuses to speak to her for long periods of time after Mom commits another screw-up.
Our dating relationship stumbled along for a couple of weeks after my indiscretion with me not knowing what was wrong. When I prompted her as to if we were still dating, she said that we were “… done. What you told me about your father absolutely disgusted me, I am sorry.”
There was another text from her and I replied with an upset email — upset because someone else’s transgression was being held against me.
Is there any chance of us dating again? Is there anything I can do to make that happen? I like her — a lot — and think she’s really special.— Over-Sharer
You can read Tennis’ response to the LW here (which I totally agree with). It’s probably best if the guy MOA and keep such personal history private until a deeper bond has formed and he isn’t naked in post-coital afterglow.
But I’m wondering: has anything like this ever happened to you? I don’t mean divulging on the third date a family history of incest, but have you ever felt so relaxed and intimate with someone and maybe shared more private information that the other person felt comfortable with? Have you ever said things you regret in the afterglow of good sex with a new partner?