It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss talking finances with a significant other, Facebook etiquette, and moving on to a new relationship too quickly.
I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year now and we live together. I know he has school debt and credit card debt but he refuses to talk about it. He always hides his banking from me and never lets me see bank statements. This makes me really worried but he says he just likes to be private. I know it’s none of my business to worry about his money, but one day if we get married, have children or buy a house I would really like for both of us to be able to communicate about our finances. Do you think I’m being too nosy, and if not, how can I convince him to be more open about his money? — Nosy about His Money
You live with the guy and you don’t have any clue about his financial status? Uh, no, it would not be nosy at this point to broach a topic about finances with him. A good way to start: “I really love you and can see a future with you, but I’m not prepared to start planning that future until we’re able to communicate about finances, one of the biggest issues long-term, live-in couples deal with.”
I just this met this guy through mutual friends at a party. We were talking and hit it off just fine. We eventually become friends on Facebook and he left a standard generic message saying “nice meeting you,” and I reciprocated. Well, I commented on one of his pictures, and a friend of mine quickly called me and told me not to communicate with him further. She said it’s too “creepy,” to do that. Should I just quit commenting if he posts on my wall until the next time we actually have a chance to meet? What are the rules of talking to people on Facebook right after meeting them? Is it weird to respond even though he wrote on my wall first or even asking a generic question? — Facebook Confused
Your friend sounds nuts. Of course, it’s perfectly acceptable to post comments and messages on someone’s Facebook wall (as long as it’s done moderately). The best way to communicate, however, is privately (then, no nosy “friend” is telling you you’re creepy), so stick to personal messages, regular email, and best of all: phone calls and real live, in-person dates.
I’m nineteen and was with this guy in high school for two years, until just this past February. He was my life and my love for two years and he broke up with me because he wanted to “experiment.” Anyway, now I’ve been dating this new guy for a month, and I really do love my new boyfriend, but a lot of the time I feel like I am going through the motions — the kissing, the holding hands, stuff like that. He’s the perfect gentleman and we’re moving in together at the end of May, but I’m confused as to why sometimes I love him and sometimes it’s like I’m just going through the motions. — Going Through The Motions
You broke up with a boyfriend you were in love with and a few weeks later you’re already with someone new you plan to move in with less than three months after meeting? Girl, the reason you feel like you’re going through the motions is because it’s all moving way too fast for you to even keep up with or process. SLOW DOWN, and take time to listen to what your heart is really feeling.
*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org and be sure to follow me on Twitter.