Guest columnists and contributors are generously sharing their talents and insights while I’m taking some time to care for my new baby. Today’s letter is answered by columnist and blogger, Billie Criswell.
I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over five years and while we have great time when we’re together, I’ve never met his friends. I know his old friends, but since he’s been in college (about three years now) he doesn’t hang out with them anymore and has new friends. Somehow, he makes sure I never meet them. He usually makes excuses such as “You won’t like them and you’ll feel out of place,” which might be true since they do drugs a lot and I don’t (I live in the Netherlands where it’s legal), but even so, I’d really like to meet them.
He’s a very social person and since I’m not that social, I’m sort of scared he’s afraid I’ll damage his reputation. I have no other idea why he won’t let me meet his friends. He knows all the girlfriends of his friends, so why does he keep me a secret? I just feel as though he’s got something to hide and it makes me insecure and jealous and when I confront him he just says I shouldn’t be so silly and that meeting his friends will just make me feel worse.
Am I overreacting? Am I scaring the poor guy by wanting to meet his friends? I feel jealous of the good time he won’t include me in and insecure about why he won’t let me meet his friends and afraid he’s got something to hide (does he cheat on me?). I hope you can give me some advice. — Hidden Away?
Let me get this straight…. you’ve been with this guy for FIVE YEARS and you haven’t met his friends?! That is not only unusual, but absolutely unacceptable. Your feelings are perfectly justifiable considering the situation, and let me give you a big fat “NO! You are not overreacting.”
Either he is hiding something from you, or he is hiding something from his friends. This excuse of “they do drugs and you don’t” is ridiculous. I drink alcohol and I am friends with people who don’t drink alcohol and we get along just fine. I just don’t buy it. I also don’t buy the excuse that you aren’t very social since you haven’t had a chance to see if his group would be a nice one to socialize with. Frankly, it sounds like he is taking advantage of you being introverted and you shouldn’t tolerate it, especially considering you have repeatedly requested to be included with his friends.
I am not a fan of ultimatums… but for you, I might make an exception to this rule. Tell your man to pony up and stop hiding you from his friends already! If he refuses, kick him to the curb! You don’t need someone like that in your life, and after so many years, he should have a little more respect for you and WANT to introduce you to his friends.
Most of all, you need to know that you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who wants to show you off. Being hidden is unacceptable no matter what the reason is. So you must find it in yourself to have the type of relationship that is worthy of you, and this guy just doesn’t cut the mustard.
* Billie Criswell is a columnist and blogger from the “Delaware Seashore.” She loves zumba, bloody marys, and cooking. You can follow her shenanigans at Bossyitalianwife.com.