Everything was going great until he told me he had a “love child” by a woman he accidentally got pregnant. Long story short, this revelation ruined the whole date. We went on a couple more dates, but he didn’t seem over his deceased wife. He still had her clothes in the bedroom closet and pictures all over the house. I did speak to him about my concern, and he said he kept them up for his daughter and was just too lazy to get rid of her clothes in the closet yet. Hmm. We stopped seeing each other after that, but it’s been a year and he recently found me through my work website.
I’m not sure where it will go, but he has been pushing hard for us to be a family already. The first date was amazing with just the two of us. Date two involved his daughter and I was not comfortable watching him walk around the fair all night holding her hand and not even once reaching for mine. I felt like a third wheel. We actually had a fight afterwards and didn’t start talking again until a week later. He wanted me to know his daughter will always come first. I told him I don’t have to come first with everything, but the more I think about it I am really bothered that he said that. He said I should be happy he wants to put his child first. I am single with no kids. Is this just me not understanding because I don’t have kids, am I too jealous, or is this going to be a big problem that she is first and has daddy wrapped around her 6-year-old finger. Please help!!! — Single With No Kids
Oh, honey. This isn’t about you not understanding because you don’t have kids. This is about you not understanding because you’re a heartless, selfish brat. A man lost his young wife — the mother of his baby — and you have the gall to judge his healing process?! You have the nerve to confront him after THREE measly dates about his deceased wife’s clothes that he still keeps in the closet? That you believe a little 6-year-old girl who doesn’t even remember her mother has her father wrapped around her finger simply because he holds her hand at the fair is appalling and speaks volumes to your lack of empathy and your stunted emotional maturity.
Stick to dating men who don’t have children. You need someone who can give you all the attention you crave and who will wrap himself around your finger (and your finger only). A single dad — at least one who is a loving father — is a man you have to share with someone else, and clearly you aren’t prepared for that kind of sacrifice. So move on and let this family continue healing in peace, without the judging glare of a woman-child like yourself.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.