He plans to spend Christmas day with them, but now he wants to spend NYE with them, too. I just feel that’s giving his ex and the children the wrong message. He doesn’t get it and says he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. The whole New Year thing came about because she asked him what he’s doing and he says says didn’t say anything, but I believe he committed to going with them. (He doesn’t always tell the whole truth straight away and I have to gently tease it out of him as he is not used to communicating properly). I want to be patient and it is early days still, but I feel like the other woman and not a girlfriend. — Like The Other Woman
You feel like the other woman because YOU ARE. Wake up and smell the fruit cake and sugar cookies, honey — this guy is still very much married and not available for a relationship. That he STILL LIVED WITH HIS FAMILY when you started dating should have been clue #1. The next clue that he plans to stay with his wife is that he’s keeping you a secret. You aren’t “allowed” to call when his family is over or leave any of your stuff over at his place? BECAUSE HE DOESN’T WANT HIS WIFE TO KNOW YOU’RE IN THE PICTURE. He got caught cheating with you, got kicked out, and is now trying to win his wife’s forgiveness and move back home. That’s why he’s ditching you for the holidays. Because you don’t matter as much as his family does. NOR SHOULD YOU. Why? Because you’re the other woman!
Make holiday plans independent of your boyfriend and, while you’re at it, make some New Year’s resolutions. Here are a few to get you started:
1. Stop dating married men.
2. Stop dating men who live with their partner and kids.
3. Break up with anyone who says you can’t call at certain times or leave anything at his place.
4. Stop dating anyone who needs to have the truth “gently teased out of him.”
5. Eat more tacos (because life is just better with more tacos, amiright?).
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.