To give you an idea of what I mean: She didn’t like me when I got too drunk, so I stopped drinking more than 1 or 2 drinks per night out (which aren’t often); she didn’t like certain aspects of my behavior (little everyday stuff and bad habits, etc.) and I have either successfully remedied or am making big efforts to remedy those problems. In return, I have asked her to stop being so negative (any little amount of stress and she thinks it’s the end of the world and then I am faced with impossible expectations in order to cheer her up). Also, she has a low sex drive and we have talked about remedying this. And while I always try to find a compromise, she does not.
She has admitted in arguments that she does not want to change or compromise, and this concerns me. She justifies her behavior by saying she does other things, such as making food, but these are things I am not too concerned about. It seems like she does things she prefers to do to avoid changing or addressing the big issues that I want her to change.
She also uses threats of breaking up and breaks in the relationship as ways of ending arguments she has lost.
I really want this relationship to work as, when it is good, we work perfectly, but she is just unwilling to compromise on big issues affecting the relationship. It is always about how SHE feels and what SHE wants, never the other way around. What should I do? — Frustrated with Uncompromising Girlfriend
She’s made it clear (again and again, it sounds like) that she has no interest in changing. If she has to change in order for you to be happy with your relationship, it’s time to move on already (I mean, good Lord, it’s been five years!). Either accept her as is, or MOA. And in the future, if you want a design-your-own-girlfriend, look into getting a real doll or something. Otherwise, accept that everyone is going to have something (some things) you don’t like. The key to a successful relationship is finding someone whose things you don’t like aren’t deal-breakers and can be tolerated and accepted (just as your things can be tolerated and accepted).
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.