Morning Quickie: “Should My Girlfriend’s Ex Still Have a Key to Her Place?”
I have been in a same-sex relationship with a beautiful girl for the past seven months. She has one-year-old twins with her ex-boyfriend whom she was living with when we met and who was abusive to her while she was pregnant. He continued to be verbally abusive to her after the twins were born and used to call her stupid for wanting to date women. She got tired of name-calling and moved in with me. He didn’t know where she moved, so she felt safe. She never stopped letting him see his twins — she would take them to his place. After six months living with me, she moved from my home to her own place. I think out of guilt he bought everything for her new place — TVs, washer, dryer, couch, etc. I wasn’t okay with her letting him buy her everything, but she claimed the babies needed these things. Then one day, while I was staying at her place, he was over to see the one-year-olds and, when he left, he locked the door with a key that I didn’t think he had or needed. This issue has caused problems. Apparently, he had the key when he was delivering furniture and never gave it back to her, nor did she ask for it back. Should I be, or do I even have the right to be, upset? — The Key Issue
You’re dating a woman with two toddlers (babies, still, really). If you can’t deal with a present father who, apparently until recently, didn’t even know where they lived — so, he obviously hasn’t been that present — you need to move on. Your girlfriend went immediately from an abusive relationship to another relationship with two babies in tow, so there are going to be lots of loose ends for the foreseeable future because she didn’t bother to tie them up and deal with them before moving in with you. (I have to wonder if her desire to date women might even be a reaction to being treated poorly by men; do you get the sense that she’s truly attracted to you, sexually?) I’m not addressing the issue with the key because that’s only a symptom of a bigger problem. Honestly, if you want any hope for something serious and long-lasting with her, I’d break up with her for now, give her a year or two to catch her breath and figure shit out, and then reach out to her again. But be aware that her two kids and their father come with the deal.
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