I hate the term “being used” when it refers to a relationship, because what does that even mean? Any relationship we have meets certain needs we have, so in that regard, we’re all using people and we’re all being used (for companionship, for sex, for financial or physical security, for help co-parenting, etc.). I think when you say you feel like you’re being used, you simply mean that your boyfriend doesn’t have the same intentions or interest in moving forward that you have, and I think you’re right; he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to “involve kids” in your relationship because that signals a deeper level of involvement and commitment than he wants to have or give you right now. He tells you he’ll be ready to introduce you to his kids and to marry you “when the time is right” to stall. His saying that doesn’t mean he ever has any intention of making a deeper commitment to you. The “right time” may very well be never. You aren’t cool with how things are right now. You’re “devastated.” So, stick to your guns and tell your boyfriend that, since this isn’t the “right time” for a relationship in which he includes you in all parts of his life and family, you’re moving on. And then MOA. Because the only person keeping you in a devastating situation is you, and you don’t have to stay in it if you don’t want to.
Have you told your boyfriend it’s important to you that he meet and spend time with your friends and family? Has he given any reason why he won’t? If this is a matter of the “time not being right” like in today’s first letter, and your needs aren’t being met, I’d move on. After eight years, your boyfriend isn’t going to change. And I suspect this isn’t the only area where he is selfish and inconsiderate and apathetic of your needs and desires. I would MOA.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.