I don’t know what to do. Can you help me with some ideas? — Stumped on NYE
If you think hanging at your boyfriend’s home on NYE sounds boring because you won’t dance and you don’t know his friends that well, then dance… and use the occasion to get to know his friends a little better. Why wouldn’t you be able to dance in his home? Just turn the music up and let loose. Suggest to your boyfriend that you spend the earlier part of the evening at his place, cooking and eating a delicious dinner all together (or ordering out, if that suits you more), and then, after you’ve all hung out there and pre-partied for a couple of hours, head to the party you and your friends want to go to and ring in the new year there. If the two of you can’t get over yourselves enough to compromise on this and each spend a little time doing something on NYE that isn’t necessarily your first choice but that makes your partner happy, then, yeah, just party in your own ways and spend the next day together. What’s the big deal? It’s only one night. Really, people put too much significance on NYE. Just remember that whatever you decide to do, don’t drink and drive.
I have been observing him since our first date. He has been very tight with money. Whenever we go to a restaurant or to the movies, most of the time he just waits for me to take out my wallet and, the minute I do, he won’t stop me and I end up paying for both of us. I’m so sick of this. It’s been taking a toll on my mental health. I feel hurt and used. I’m a nice guy. And I love him. And I don’t want to play games with him or tell him explicitly what I don’t like about him. All I want is for him is to chip in a little and pay 3:2 (3 being the frequency he should pay since he has a job and should pay more) or 1:1, at least. Am I wrong to be thinking like this? Please, I need some advice on how to deal with this situation. — Dating a Cheapskate
If the ratio of your spending doesn’t suit you, adjust how much you’re investing on dates and gifts. Or get a part-time job so you don’t have to rely on your financially unstable father to give you pocket money (you’re 22, for Christ’s sake, not 12!). Or suggest activities that don’t cost very much, if anything. Movies and dinners out get expensive and for a couple of guys in their early 20s, one of whom is a student with zero income, there are plenty of things you can be doing together that hardly cost anything. (Here are 52 cheap date ideas to get you started). Don’t blame your boyfriend for not keeping up with the spending ratio that YOU decided was appropriate. He may have expenses and bills you are unaware of. Or, he may be saving for something. If you don’t want to play games, be honest with him and tell him that, without a job, you can’t afford the kinds of dates you’ve been going on, at least when you pay for you both, and would he mind doing things together that don’t cost as much. Maybe that will be the nudge he needs to start treating more often, or maybe he’ll be relieved that you’ve decided to be as budget conscious as he is.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.