Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Most Embarrassing Date Ever?

Think of your most embarrassing moment ever. Now, multiply that embarrassment by 10, maybe 20, and you may begin to feel one young woman’s level of humiliation on a Tinder date that went awry in England last week. That’s her in the photo above. Any guess what she’s doing?

She’s fishing out her poo from between two windows. I’ll just let that sink in for a minute.

After enjoying a meal and some beers at a chicken joint, she was at her date’s home, where they planned to watch a movie and drink some wine, when she excused herself to the loo to poo. When the toilet got clogged and wouldn’t flush, the woman decided to throw her feces out the window into the garden below. However, “it did not land in the garden, but became wedged between two non-opening windows.” Liam Smith, her date, said she came out of the bathroom with a “panicked look in her eye” and told him what she had done.

“He went to find a hammer to smash the window, but she decided to ‘climb in head first’ after the ‘offending package,’ and there she became stuck.

“I was starting to grow concerned,” Liam said, “so I called the fire brigade and once they had composed themselves, they set to work removing her from the window.”

The window had to be broken to free Liam’s date, and it will cost £300 (about $357) to replace. Liam started a crowdfunding page and has raised over £2000 so far. He and his date, who understandably does not want to be named, agreed to donate the extra funds to two charities: one supporting firefighters and another that builds and maintains flushing toilets in developing countries.

And here’s my favorite part of the story: Liam went out with the woman again and said: “We had a lovely night on the second date, but it’s too early to say if she’s the one. But we got on very very well and she’s a lovely girl. And we’ve already got the most difficult stuff out of the way first.”

Five bucks to anyone who can top that story (seriously, I will Paypal you five dollars if you have a story more embarrassing than getting lodged in between two windows trying to retrieve your flung poop on a first date).

26 comments… add one
  • avatar

    Janelle September 6, 2017, 1:01 pm

    This story is the absolute best. I hope they end up married telling the grandchildren this story one day.

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  • avatar

    Northern Star September 6, 2017, 1:07 pm

    I would have to move away and change my name if I experienced that level of humiliation. Man.

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  • avatar

    ecwashere September 6, 2017, 1:36 pm

    I don’t think I would have the composure to tell anyone what had happened! Props to them for going out again.

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  • Copa

    Copa September 6, 2017, 1:41 pm

    Yikes. I’ve had bad dates, but luckily never an embarrassing date.

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  • avatar

    Kate September 6, 2017, 1:47 pm

    Ok, um… is that verified? Like on a fact checker site? Because wow.

    I would NEVER take a shit at a date’s house. I mean, we’d need to be in a relationship. And like, if I was ever in a situation where I needed to throw shit out a window, I’m pretty sure I’d make sure the window was actually open.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy September 6, 2017, 1:50 pm

      But what if you really had the urge, Kate? Would you make an excuse and leave?

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      • avatar

        Kate September 6, 2017, 1:53 pm

        I would hold it in. Worst case, I’d leave, yeah, and say I wasn’t feeling well.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy September 6, 2017, 1:51 pm

      And if you follow the link to the guy’s gofundme page, he has photos of the date climbing in the window, and the firemen breaking the window and stuff. I really don’t think it’s fake.

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      • avatar

        Kate September 6, 2017, 1:53 pm

        Well, golly.

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    • avatar

      Janelle September 6, 2017, 6:36 pm

      I have to say my good friend who i did date for a short time still once in a while teases me because he knew i did it at his house on our second date. There was no other option. I am in fact nearly crying laughing as I type this.

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  • avatar

    Miss MJ September 6, 2017, 1:52 pm

    I’m not understanding the logic of reaching in and pulling your shit out of the toilet because it didn’t flush. Like, I get that the toilet not flushing is embarrassing. And, I’d be very horrified to have to tell a first date that I had stopped up his toilet. But, not so horrified that pulling my own shit out of the toilet seemed like a viable alternative.

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    • avatar

      Kate September 6, 2017, 1:55 pm

      Right, I feel like if you’re freewheeling enough to shit at the guys house after fried chicken and beer, you’re able to deal with the consequences. Like, ask if he’s got a plunger.

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      • avatar

        Miss MJ September 6, 2017, 1:59 pm

        Exactly! “Stick hand in toilet and fling poo out window” is so far down on the list of reactions, I thought it was fake, too. But, it seems legit. Maybe she was drunk and not thinking clearly? (Seriously, though, I’ve never been so drunk as to stick my hand in the toilet and I’ve been *really* drunk in my life.)

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      • Cleopatra Jones

        Cleopatra Jones September 6, 2017, 2:43 pm

        And honestly, didn’t he know she was taking a shit anyway? The smell, the length of time she was gone. What did she think, he thought she was doing?
        I’m with you Kate, I would have never taken a poo at a guy’s house that I wasn’t in a serious relationship with. Hell, I don’t even like taking a poo at family members’ houses.

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  • avatar

    CCL September 6, 2017, 2:23 pm

    haha, that is awesome!! I was at my boyfriend’s (at the time) new house, we’d been dating for a few months so it wasn’t a huge deal but I was still nervous about pooping when we were together. He had to step out for a bit and I took advantage of that time and took a #2 – it wouldn’t go down and I panicked. I cut it up with a butter knife and he never had to find out. That’s all I got. LOL!

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    • Copa

      Copa September 6, 2017, 2:38 pm

      😮

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy September 6, 2017, 2:39 pm

      WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE BUTTER KNIFE?

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      • avatar

        CCL September 6, 2017, 3:12 pm

        Pretty sure I threw it out – I hope I did anyway. 🙂 It was a long time ago. heehee

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      • avatar

        Sarah September 7, 2017, 9:31 am

        Haha that was my first thought too!

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    • avatar

      Janelle September 6, 2017, 6:38 pm

      Oh good grief I just remembered another story. We had been dating a while, I wouldn’t not go into the bathroom but his shower was one of those water closets with the toilet and that was the only one. He was in the shower and time was limited. He had a community gym/pool. I had gone there before to work out. So I grabbed the key, ran there, and got back before he was even out of the shower. hahahahahah

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  • Moneypenny

    Moneypenny September 6, 2017, 3:29 pm

    I read about a woman who went on a date, stopped up the toilet with her poop, and then hid it in her purse. Like, scooped it out and put it in tissues and into her purse.
    https://www.buzzfeed.com/javiermoreno/people-are-freaking-out-over-a-story-about-a-woman-pooping-a?utm_term=.xgneM6XMg#.pypnDArD2

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    • Cleopatra Jones

      Cleopatra Jones September 6, 2017, 3:55 pm

      Sadly, this one is even worse. I heard it a few years ago, and I’m still traumatized by it. https://majicatl.com/2150867/strawberry-letter-i-got-diarrhea-on-my-date-poll/

      This is from the Steve Harvey’s Strawberry letter series.

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    • Copa

      Copa September 6, 2017, 4:20 pm

      Do you guys think these are real? Wouldn’t it stank up the room if you put it in your purse? And the second one, I mean… why didn’t she even TRY to use the restroom?

      Semi-related: Last night I got home and saw that my sweet little foster dog had diarrhea in her crate! She used her blankets to try to cover it up. And it was so gross to clean up — I thought it was only on one blanket and tried to salvage the other, until some FELL OUT AND PLOPPED ON THE FLOOR when I shook it out — but I felt so bad for her that she had to sit in there with her mess for who knows how long before I came home.

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      • avatar

        Kate September 6, 2017, 5:18 pm

        Yeah, once my dog must have had stomach problems because he had diarrhea in the bathroom, then pulled stuff over it like the bathmat, the book I was reading, etc. They like to cover it up.

        Last week my dog rolled in, I think, fox shit, anyway the grossest smelling thing in the world. Like dead bodies. It was before work and I had to take time to put him in the sink and wash him with Dawn.

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  • avatar

    Kate September 6, 2017, 6:52 pm

    I just read another article about this, and it says her poop was in a bag. I bet she took the bin liner and picked up her poo as you do dog poo, and tied the top. That makes it slightly less insane? I guess?

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    • avatar

      Miss MJ September 7, 2017, 2:13 pm

      It’s better than just sticking her bare hand in the toilet and grabbing it, for sure.

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