In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
I was with my ex-boyfriend for three years, and in my time with him, I was happier than I’ve ever been. However, the relationship ended when he went out one night for a friend’s birthday, got really drunk, and hooked up with another girl. He called me and told me what he did the next day, and I told him I never wanted to talk to him again. We didn’t speak at all for a few months, and then, we gradually reestablished contact. He quit drinking completely after the incident, because he realized he was completely out of control. He really, really wanted to make things right and be together again, so he put in a ton of effort for about a year into making that happen. Finally, I decided I was ready to forgive him, and we got back together a couple months ago.
Unfortunately, I found something out a few weeks ago that made me really doubt my decision. I found out that after we broke up, he continued seeing the girl that he cheated on me with. The whole time I had thought that it was a one-time thing and he regretted it soooo horribly, but knowing that he continued to see her after that, I feel like he couldn’t have felt that bad. He says that he was just confused and hurt and lonely and didn’t know where to turn, and she just made herself very available. But when I think about me being at home crying and him gallivanting around town with his new girl, it makes me feel really stupid, embarrassed, and hurt. Now I’m not sure if I can get over this. Is it stupid for me to focus so much on this detail? Is it really that significant, in the big scheme of things? I can’t decide if this is something I should let go. Please help! — Take Two
*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.