Last October he decided he wanted to stop having sex and wait until marriage (which he thought would be with me). It took me half a year to finally realize that this was the best option for us. However, if and when we were to get married, it wouldn’t be well until after undergrad which is at least three years away. Before he even decided that he wanted to stop having sex, he slowly stopped liking to kiss me and would only do it during sex and foreplay. Now that we don’t do anything sexual except for when the temptation takes over us, it seems like we never kiss. I try to get him to kiss me, but he doesn’t like it and it’s even hard to get a peck out of him when we’re saying goodbye.
What does this mean? He even has admitted to not liking it with me (and this by no means has anything to do with his arousal because he is still very much so attracted to me). It’s hard not to take this personally and it’s hard not to have this put a huge damper on our relationship when we can’t even kiss each other let alone do other intimate things. — Missing the Kissing
Some people just don’t like kissing. But it seems like he once did like kissing you? And then decided he didn’t? And you’re sure he’s “very much attracted to you,” despite his not wanting to kiss you and deciding to wait years to have sex with you again? And what do you mean that you don’t do “anything sexual except for when temptation takes over”? Does that mean you do have sex? When “temptation takes over,” who initiates whatever it is you do? Does he feel guilty about it later? Has he ever blamed you when this temptation takes over?
Beyond the idea that he simply doesn’t like kissing, which I don’t buy or I think you would have been aware of that sooner, I have several theories and none bode well for the health of your relationship:
1) He’s not attracted to you. Despite the fact that you think he is, he’s not. It would explain why he doesn’t want to have sex with you anymore and why he’s not interested in kissing you. It wouldn’t explain why he’s still with you, but the following theories would.
2) He’s gay. Giving up kissing and having sex with a woman isn’t so hard when you’re actually attracted to men. The reason he hasn’t come out is because:
3) He’s super Christian and not only believes sex before marriage in sinful, but also believes being gay is a sin, too. So, he’ll rope his high school sweetheart into joining his faith, waiting until marriage to have sex, and then marrying him years down the road when he’ll especially need a beard to fit into his church community.
If I were you, I’d run far and fast. I honestly cannot think of a single explanation for his suddenly not wanting to even peck you that ends well for you. Sorry, I know that’s not what you want to hear, but I think you’d be saving yourself a lot of heartache and potentially a miserable marriage and life if you MOA now.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].