It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
There’s more to their relationship than simply a therapist-client dynamic. Clearly, Fred has feelings for his massage therapist beyond feeling gratitude for her service, and in the five years (!!) since you became furious over the gifts he gave her for Christmas it doesn’t sound like he’s done anything to calm your feels or reservations about their relationship. Point blank: It doesn’t seem that your feelings are a big concern for him, and I’d be very leery about continuing a relationship with a man who had so little regard for me.
MOA. The guy has no interest in having a true relationship with you. If anything, he likes having sex with an 18-year-old girl, like many straight 30-something men fantasize about. And, honestly, you should be asking yourself whether you want to be in this relationship, because it sounds totally shitty and depressing and something is off if this is what you want for yourself. Seriously, MOA and aim higher next time.
— Concerned gal
I think that, regardless of anyone’s age, it’s completely appropriate to tell your boyfriend of two years that you’re uncomfortable with a woman you’ve never met sending him flirty texts every single morning and night and that you want to know more about how they know each other, what the nature of their friendship is, and and whether she knows about you. Frankly, I think it sounds pretty fishy and would consider it a red flag that you should evaluate within the larger context of your two-year relationship. Have there been other red flags? Has your boyfriend ever given you reason not to trust him or his intentions?
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.