Seven months ago, I started dating a wonderful man. The only problem is, that he travels for work. A lot. As in sometimes I only see him two days out of the month, and even when he is home, it’s hard to get time to ourselves because everyone wants to see him while he’s here. Both of us want the other in our lives for the long run, and we get along really well, and have pretty good communication…except on this issue. I’ve said in the past that while I can deal with this arrangement for now, I don’t think it is something that is sustainable for more than about another year (at least for me).
It’s not that I sit around pining for him, though. I’m working on my masters, have a part-time job, see my friends often, have hobbies, and I think that I’m pretty independent. I just want to see my boyfriend for more than two days out of the month.
Am I being selfish for wanting him home more? Should I even mention this, or just wait and see if it gets better? Should I just wait a few months, and see if his schedule becomes less hectic? I don’t want to tell him what to do, or guilt him into staying here, because if this was where he wanted to be, wouldn’t he be here? I guess I just want to know that this won’t last forever, and that there’s some sort of end date. Having told him I don’t want to do this much more than another year, should I just have that as my “sell by” date, and MOA if nothing’s changed by then? I’m just afraid that I’ll end up waiting forever. What do you think? — Girl with the Part Time Boyfriend
Why would you not mention something to your boyfriend that’s bothering you so much about your relationship that you’re considering leaving him if it’s left unresolved? Doesn’t it make much more sense to take an active role in, you know, resolving the issue rather than passively hoping it simply “gets better” on its own? Come on, this is your life! Don’t just let it happen to you. Take some control, for God’s sake. If you’re unsatisfied, do something about it. Say something!
How do you say something? Like this: “Hey, Boyfriend, it’s becoming more and more apparent to me that in order to feel satisfied and fulfilled in this relationship, I need to see you more often. You know I care about you and want a future with you, but given how much time your job takes you out of town and how committed you are to your job, I’m wondering if it’s realistic for me to expect anything to change in the near future. I don’t want you to make career sacrifices you aren’t ready to make, but I also don’t want to invest much more time in a relationship that ultimately may not be right for me if there are already signs that we aren’t well-matched.”
You have needs and if your boyfriend can’t meet them, it isn’t selfish for you to look for someone else who can. Make sure your boyfriend understands that these needs of yours are immediate. If he can’t tell you when and how his career situation will change and when you can expect to see much more of him, quit wasting time on this relationship and MOA.
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