At the wedding his ex-wife was again rude and nasty and said I wasn’t wanted at the wedding. When it came time to go to our table, she sat me at one table and while she and my boyfriend sat together at a different table. He had my chair moved to their table but I felt disrespected and hurt. He said he didn’t know what the seating arrangements were but several weeks before the wedding he kept saying he might have to sit with her, and I kept saying that’s not proper etiquette.
I excused myself from the party to use the ladies room and to check on my four children who were supposed to have been picked up by my ex. Upon calling, I discovered that he was being hospitalized and my kids had to stay at a friends instead of with him because I was three hours away. I was obviously upset and started crying. When I returned to the party my boyfriend confronted me saying I was gone to long and that I was embarrassing him. I did not say a word and instead conducted myself like a lady, which was confirmed by everyone the next day. My boyfriend, however, continued to insist that I ruined the wedding.
Months later, his son got engaged and he lied about the party and said he was golfing when in reality, he attended the party. When I found out about it he said I couldn’t go because it was none of my business, I didn’t belong there, and it was private and he didn’t want me to ruin another party. His daughter was pregnant and I wasn’t allowed to attend the shower because he said I don’t belong. When his daughter had the baby I came to the hospital to bring a gift and he attacked me verbally in the hospital as did his ex-wife. She said that it was private and I didn’t belong there. She said I only belong at family things once I marry my boyfriend and not before.
When my boyfriend’s father died he asked me to come to the memorial but when he found out his ex-wife was coming he said he didn’t want me there because I didn’t belong. He only allows me to attend things that don’t involve his ex-wife. He tells me I’m crazy and that I am not normal, which is everything his ex-wife said to me at the hospital, word for word. She obviously fills his head and I know he is his own person, but will not go against her. All I do is cry and feel like I’m going crazy but I know if you’re in a committed relationship you’re supposed to share your lives, events, holidays, and everything together. Please tell me I’m not crazy. — Losing Battle with His Ex
I don’t think you’re crazy for expecting a partner — especially one you’re engaged to — to include you in family-themed milestone events and special occasions. But I do think you’re crazy for sticking with a man who not only lets his ex-wife treat you so horribly without defending you against her, but treats you like garbage himself. How many hits are you going to take from this man before you wise up and MOA? Also, if this family makes you feel so unwelcome at their special events, why did you take it upon yourself to plan a shower … and then wait for “permission” to attend it? Something smells fishy, and I suspect we don’t have the full story. At any rate, this relationship sounds over from the start.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].