It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss post-breakup photo etiquette, lying spouses, and traveling with an undocumented immigrant boyfriend.
I’m in an unusual position: my ex won’t take my photos down off his flickr (photos of me, and photos I’ve taken that I’m guessing he’s claiming are “his” now). He said he’ll “get to it when he has time” and to leave him alone. I just want no further association with him or anything he does. It’s not the first time he’s done something like this; it took forever to get him to stop following me on all the social networks we connected on. I also admit to being stupid, and searching for his old dating profile, and saw that he was using pictures I took of him for it. I’ve asked him twice for him to take them down. At this point, should I just leave it alone? — Photo Finish
Good lord, woman, if you want no further association with this guy, then quit this silly photo drama and Move On Already! Who even looks at flickr anymore, anyhow?? And if you’re seriously getting upset about photos your ex is using on his dating profile, then you clearly aren’t as over him as you’d like to think and stalking him online isn’t going to help you to move forward.
My husband and I got married after almost two years together. I love him very much but the problem is he can’t stop telling me lies instead of owning up to the truth. He told me he took care of settling his business with his ex, but he didn’t and it has now cost him (and me) over 15k because she stole money from him. He has lied about having his own lawyer, borrowed money from me for the lawyer only to find out he paid for his ex’s lawyer. He lied to me about getting his name off the condo they had together. Now it’s in foreclosure and he owes money to the IRS for it. He has lied about the amount of credit card debt he was in. I made the mistake of thinking the lies were over and I married him, only to find that he has been lying to me about quitting smoking. It’s not the smoking so much; everyone slips up and makes mistakes. But when is he going to stop lying about everything he is afraid to tell me? I’m about to loan him ALL of my savings to take care of the credit and IRS issues but I’m scared to death that the lying won’t stop and I will be stuck with no money (the house we have is mine and I pay all the house bills) and going through yet another divorce. I can’t go back and un-marry him so how do I go forward? — Lied To
Actually, you can un-marry the guy. It’s called divorce, and whether or not you decide to pursue that route, you need to find a good attorney immediately — before you loan your husband any money — and discuss all your options for protecting your assets.
I have an amazing boyfriend I love and care about. The problem is he’s here on an expired visa. He’s from Mexico and though he’s been trying to become a citizen the whole time he’s been here, it’s been complicated. I have a lot of friends and even a sister-in-law going through this same thing, so it’s nothing new to me; however, this means he can’t leave the country and get back in easily. This is a problem because we both love to travel, and we are basically limited to where we can go. I’m just not excited about traveling the United States after living abroad. It’s frustrating and not easily fixable. I just need some advice on how to cope with something like this. I’m not thinking of leaving him over this, but I can see it causing tension between us. I don’t want it to turn into a political debate about immigration because this is the man I love, and it kills me to see him in a position like this. I just don’t know how to get over the nagging feeling of being held back, because this is not under my control. What can I do? — Immigration Nation
Do your overseas traveling with a friend, fun family member or by yourself and get more creative about national and local trips you can take with your man. This is a huge country with so many beautiful and interesting things to see that even a globe-trotter like yourself should be able to find a cool new-to-you spot on US soil to explore. If you can’t, it means you aren’t trying hard enough.
*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org and be sure to follow me on Twitter.