Within three months of him moving in with us, he got laid off. He found another job making significantly less funds, but enough to still pay rent, etc. Fast forward a few months to earlier this year and he and my fiancée both got aggravated with one another over something silly. My fiancée told me I needed to tell him he had to apologize to her, but when I spoke to him his side of the story was different, and I told my fiancée to just let it go. Over the next month, she became aggravated by little things she said he would do, like leaving a utensil or two in the sink and not cleaning them right away. My defense for him is that he keeps to himself for the most part.
Well, I ended up telling him that things weren’t totally working out and I gave him until March of next year to move out (in agreement with fiancée, of course). He said he was already looking elsewhere because he didn’t want to overstay his welcome and that he would more than likely move out in November, but by late December for sure. Unfortunately, within the last two weeks his transmission went out and he asked if it would be OK to stay a little longer so he could save money to replace it. I told him I didn’t think it would be a problem. When I mentioned this to the fiancée last night everything went south, and she said either he moves out by the end of the month or she would.
I told him this morning that him staying after this month was not going to work out, and he said he’s tired of my fiancée always calling the shots and he wants to stay longer. I know she won’t go for it, but what should I do? I don’t want to lose her, but is she controlling me too much? I want to make everyone happy, but at this point that cant happen. — Three’s a Crowd
It’s not your fiancée who’s controlling you; it’s your roommate. At the very least, he’s manipulating you and you’re actually letting his manipulation put your relationship with your fiancée — the woman you plan to marry and spend your life with — in jeopardy. Pull your head out of your ass! This guy has been taking advantage of your — and by extension, your fiancée’s — generosity, patience and good will for well over a year now. He knows damn well he’s “overstayed his welcome” and rather than do whatever he can to find a new place to live, he’s continuing to not only overstay his welcome, but blatantly disrespect your fiancée in the process. What’s wrong with this guy?! What’s wrong with you for letting him get away with it?
You’re about to get married. There are going to be a lot more issues in your future that you and your fiancée will need to compromise on. When you enter into a compromise, it’s important to think about what you’re prepared to sacrifice and what is a non-negotiable for you. Think of this situation with your roommate as practice for all the compromises you’ll be asked to make in coming years. Your fiancée has already sacrificed over a year of privacy so that your friend could have a place to live. She has now made it known that him moving out is a non-negotiable. If it doesn’t happen, she’s moving out. Are you really prepared to sacrifice your relationship because you’re unwilling to stand up to your roommate and tell him to get the hell out already? After a whole year of letting him crash there? Really??
If that’s what you’re saying — that you value the relationship you have with your irresponsible, shit-stirring roommate over that with the woman you plan to spend your life with — then you probably aren’t ready for marriage after all. But if you aren’t willing to put your relationship with her in jeopardy, for God’s sake, tell your roommate he has until the end of the month to find a new place to live because you don’t want to share your home with anyone other than the woman you love.