Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

“My Fling Got Me Pregnant and Now He’s With Another Woman”

stork

I am in a very unique predicament. I am a 28-year-old woman and I recently met a 33-year-old man. I am from the Philippines and he is from the US. We met three months after he broke up with his Filipina girlfriend. He was honest from the get-go, telling me he had prior arrangements to hang out with this other girl around the end of March, but then he met me and wanted to see how it would work out. We spent two weekends together and we had such a great time. But I requested that, if he ended up liking the other woman, he be honest and tell me. And he promised he would.

Well, I can tell he is with the other girl right now, and I just found out I am pregnant. I don’t expect to hear from him until mid-April when he goes back to the US. But here are my questions: 1) How do I tell him without scaring him off? 2) I want him, but, if he chooses her, how do you think I should carry on?

I don’t know him too well, but I can feel he is a good man. And I want that good man to be mine. It’s one thing to let go of a man who is not worth it. But it’s difficult letting go of someone who treated you well, whom you had great memories with, and whom you have a baby with. Worse, if he chooses to be with the other woman but wants to be involved with the baby, how do I deal with that? How can I make it less painful? All these hormones are making me so emotional. I try to think rationally and I’d appreciate any opinion from someone looking from the outside. — Pregnant with a Fling

You’re pregnant and not once — not one time — in this letter do you say anything about wanting a baby. You want this man — this man you admit you hardly know and who is, at this moment, in another country boinking another woman. You want him because he treated you well and you have great memories with him? You spent four days with the guy! How about focus on whether you want to be a mother in 7 1/2 months. Forget about this man for a moment and think about that, because the likelihood of that happening is much, much greater than the likelihood of this guy you hardly know, who is currently in another country boinking another woman, coming back and being interested in starting a serious relationship and a family with you.

The likelihood of the two of you raising this baby together as a couple is very, very slim. He MAY be interested in being a part of this baby’s life, but who knows how or in what capacity. And it’s very possible he’ll want nothing to do with the baby or you. You have to imagine you will be a single mother in every meaning of the phrase. Imagine being in this alone. Raising the baby alone. Caring for this baby alone. Is that what you want? Do you really want to have a baby now and to be a single mother? Because if you don’t, this is the time you need to make some difficult decisions about whether or not to keep this baby.

Once you’ve made a decision — and please, please base it on your idea of life as a single mother and not on how you think this man you hardly know will react to the news — you can decide whether or not to share the news with him. Obviously, if you decide to keep the baby, he has a right to know. And the two of you need to discuss together what kind of role he will have in the baby’s life. As for what kind of role he’ll have in YOUR life, I’m afraid that is secondary to the baby’s needs. Everything, actually, will be secondary to the baby’s needs for a while. That’s kind of what happens when you have a kid.

This is serious. I hope you’ll take it as such. This isn’t some cat-and-mouse game or some “tee-hee, how do I win the guy without scaring him away?” charade. This is real life. You’re talking about bringing a child into this world. Grow up and think about what that really means and save the man-chasing for when you’ve got a better grip on your situation.

***************

Follow along on Facebook, and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

76 comments… add one
  • avatar

    RedRoverRedRover April 6, 2015, 9:14 am

    And sadly, this is NOT a unique predicament. What’s up with all these women behaving like getting pregnant and having a child isn’t a big deal? It’s the biggest deal you’ll ever experience.

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    • avatar

      Anna April 6, 2015, 9:21 am

      RIGHT?! I feel like every letter to DW is “I ACCIDENTALLY FELL PREGNANT, HE DOESN’T WANT ME, HELP.”

      This is horrible, but they make you take a test to drive a car. People just pop out random babies. There really needs to be a limitus test for that.

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    • juliecatharine

      juliecatharine April 6, 2015, 9:27 am

      No joke, I don’t get it at all.

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    Anna April 6, 2015, 9:16 am

    Lord help me, someone kill me now. Literally you can find condoms everywhere. There should be a notice on top of Dear Wendy that says “Please use protection, lest you fall pregnant”. Seriously it sounds like you want to keep this baby in order to get this man. It’s even worse that he’s heading back to the U.S. and you’re still in the Philippines. It really makes me question your intentions and ethics.

    You’re bringing a innocent CHILD into this world for all the wrong reasons. What’s going to happen if he goes back to the U.S. and refuses to talk to you again? You’re going to be a single mother in the Philippines. Don’t be deluded thinking you’ll get a visa out of this, work under the worst assumption.

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  • juliecatharine

    juliecatharine April 6, 2015, 9:26 am

    I’m confused, is the LW living in the US or the Philippines? I think she’s in the Philippines but maybe I’m reading it incorrectly. If that’s the case, Mr Wonderful sounds like he’s a sex tourist. Not exactly good father material LW! Do as Wendy said and focus on your baby.

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  • avatar

    LW April 6, 2015, 9:44 am

    Hi Wendy,

    Thank you for the brutally honest response. I think that’s what I need right now. There’s no question about wanting this baby. I will keep it and I have been contemplating on a life as a single mother. I raised my niece for 6 years while my sister was finishing her studies and I know what raising a child alone entails. I truly, truly thank you for giving me a different perspective about things. I know everything will be secondary to my child’s needs moving forward and I will not entertain any thoughts that will change that for the time being. I feel so blessed with your response and I will take it to heart. I am not scared. Not scared at all. Just hormonal I guess. I do not know how to put this on the post but as a comment. Hehe

    P. S. I do not need a visa and living in the US is the last thing on my mind. I love my country and I’m not leaving it. I have a terrific job and am educated. I can provide for the baby single-handedly. And I was on the pills. I just happened to be in that 1%.

    Lots of love,

    Pregnant with a fling

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    • avatar

      lucyitswd April 6, 2015, 10:14 am

      “And I was on the pills. I just happened to be in that 1%.”

      You weren’t using condoms with a guy you barely knew?

      IDK. No offense, but you seem to think that you stand to gain something (his affection, a lifelong attachment to this dude, etc…) by having this baby, so that makes it hard to believe that you just accidentally “fell pregnant” at this particular time in your life.

      As for how you deal with the pain, just remind yourself that you chose to bring this child into the world and you now owe it to him/her to not let your feelings about his/her father impact their emotional wellbeing.

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      • avatar

        zombeyonce April 6, 2015, 2:05 pm

        The no condoms thing is killing me, too. LW, maybe you trusted him but you barely know him! Certainly not well enough to sleep with him without a condom! Pregnancy isn’t the only thing that can happen after sex. And you knew for sure he wasn’t planning on being monogamous, so I can’t imagine any other reason not to use a condom.
        .
        If this guy has no problem going without protection when he sleeps with someone he only spent a few days with, I imagine you’re not the only woman in the world that might be having his baby. Think about that one, LW. Child support doesn’t go far when you’re one of many baby mamas.
        .
        You don’t sound like you’re considering abortion at all, so PLEASE tell me you’re considering adoption unless you’re dying to be a single mother with no guarantee of child support.

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    • kare

      kare April 6, 2015, 2:43 pm

      I think you guys are being a little harsh…

      From her response, she clearly understands what is involved in raising a child. Yes it’s a bigger commitment than raising one for 6 years, but many people are single moms with less experience. She was on the pill – just because she wasn’t using condoms too doesn’t mean she was hoping to get pregnant. Shit happens.
      *
      I don’t think we should be judging someone for only using one method of birth control. Yes it’s risky to have sex without a condom with someone unless you have their test results in your hand, but it happens. I know I’ve definitely made that mistake more than once. I don’t think that means she should give up her child. Some these comments are kind of slut shame-y.
      *
      Also, I read the letter as she had already decided she was having the baby and wanted the baby. Of course I don’t blame Wendy for asking, but I think it’s kind of odd that if you’re going to be a single mom you have to convince everyone you actually want the baby. This isn’t a dumb teenager trying to trap a man. This is an adult in an unplanned situation who was entertaining a fantasy and appreciated Wendy’s advice.

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      • avatar

        Taylor April 6, 2015, 2:48 pm

        I can’t remember my password (again), so I’m using this to thumbs up your comment =)

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      • avatar

        zombeyonce April 6, 2015, 3:15 pm

        I hope my comment didn’t come across as slut-shamey. I totally believe in everyone’s right to sleep with as many people as they want with no shame. I am a proud slut myself and I understand that many people trust a single form of birth control. I don’t believe she got pregnant on purpose.
        .
        Maybe LW is happy about the pregnancy, but that wasn’t mentioned in the original letter or her response and I think Wendy was right to point it out since that seemed like the main thing LW thought would give her a chance with this guy. The letter sounded like it was from someone that had an unrealistic view of relationships, this one in particular, and that can have a huge bearing on how she decides to proceed with the pregnancy.
        .
        Mainly, I think that multiple things in the letter show that LW has a skewed view of realistic expectations with this (and maybe every) guy, and that makes her seem much more like a “dumb teenager trying to trap a man”. If LW is going to raise a child (taking care of someone else’s child notwithstanding), she’s going to have to see relationships from a more grown-up point of view for her and her baby’s sakes.

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      • Lyra

        Lyra April 6, 2015, 3:24 pm

        Honestly it reads as if she’s trying to trap this man. Direct quote: “I don’t know him too well, but I can feel he is a good man. And I want that good man to be mine.” That doesn’t read to me as a mature woman who has it all figured out. That reads as a woman who is desperately trying to lure a man back to her who she spent only two weekends with. Maybe she does want this baby, and if so, more power to her. Quite honestly this letter is too focused on getting this man back as opposed to the life-changing event of becoming a single parent. It’s not that she has to convince other people that she wants to keep this baby, it’s that her priorities seem to be in the wrong place. That is the issue that I see here. No she isn’t a dumb teenager in this circumstance, but it sure sounds like she is acting like one.

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      • kare

        kare April 6, 2015, 4:46 pm

        Taking into account her follow up, it sounds like she realizes those things are fantasies that aren’t going to happen. But I’m willing to bet she’s not the only single mom to fantasize about working things out with the father of her child. If her reply had been “no he’s an amazing guy &&anything can happen”, I’d be harsher. But it sounds like she’s just pregnant and alone and needed a push away from that fantasy into reality.
        *
        Also some of the comments (not from you but others) about how this won’t get her a visa a pretty offensive.
        *
        I’m also super PMS-y running on 3 hours of sleep and having IT issues at work, so I’m probably coming across bitchy. Sorry 🙁

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      • Stonegypsy

        Stonegypsy April 6, 2015, 5:20 pm

        I agree with everything you said. Yeah, she got pregnant and decided she’s gonna keep the baby and then started wishing that this guy who fathered her child and she had a really good time with would come back around and be with her. She’s not sticking to this fantasy, and looks like she’s prepared to support a kid.

        And I also found the assumptions that she was just in it for a visa pretty offensive.

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      • Monkeysmommy

        monkeys mommy April 8, 2015, 8:03 pm

        Yeah, I think we are all being a bit too harsh and judgmental. Tell me that most of you have not made a similar mistake and failed to use a condom at some point.

        Anyway, with that being said, LW it is unlikely that you are going to be raising this baby with the guy in question. I am betting he gets around. You probably are not the first baby mama in the dude’s life. It is also unlikely you are getting child support, as I doubt the laws in your country can force a man in the US to do anything for you. So good for you that you can swing it alone.

        Being a mom is awesome, when it is right for you. As long as you are happy with this, then more power to you!

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  • Raccoon eyes

    Raccoon eyes April 6, 2015, 9:53 am

    LW, even with the “update,” dont you already have your answer? Im glad you have your sh*t together and understand how huge of a commitment taking care of a baby/child is. So, good for you on that front, but please MOA and aim higher.
    *
    You say “he had prior arrangements to hang out with this other girl…, but then he met me and wanted to see how it would work out.” Well, he went to see the other girl. Presumably that means he didnt think it ‘worked out’ with you. Dont let this guy dangle you along or keep you in reserve. Good luck

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  • Kate B.

    Kate B. April 6, 2015, 10:24 am

    Ok, I’m just going to say it. Why, in these letters, is there never any mention of child support from the guy? The sole responsibility for raising the child seems to fall upon the woman. He’s just as responsible as she is? Why does he get off scot-free? Is it because the women feel they don’t need a guy? Maybe they don’t but doesn’t the child deserve every opportunity it can get?

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    • avatar

      RedRoverRedRover April 6, 2015, 10:53 am

      I wonder how easy it is to get child support from a different country. Maybe that’s why he’s touring around the Philippines bare-backing it. No repercussions. For him, anyway.

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    • avatar

      zombeyonce April 6, 2015, 2:08 pm

      I imagine a man that sleeps with someone without a condom when he barely knows her probably already owes plenty of child support to other women. I wouldn’t count on him being a reliable source of financial support even if he did live in the same country.

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  • avatar

    Laura Hope April 6, 2015, 10:26 am

    I just looked it up and read that the pill is 99.9% effective if actually taken every day. Has anyone else ever gotten pregnant on the pill? In any case, the first thing I would do is make sure he didn’t give you an STD.(Only condoms will protect you from that).

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    • avatar

      Anon April 6, 2015, 10:33 am

      Yes, I got pregnant while on the pill, and I never missed taking it. I even asked the doctor when I went to see him, how did this happen?? Nothing is every 100% effective. However, I was also in a long term relationship.

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      • Monkeysmommy

        monkeys mommy April 8, 2015, 8:06 pm

        Same here! TWICE. Fortunately I was in a committed, loving relationship. I think the first time, I was on antibiotics which caused the failure. The second time, I did nothing wrong. Who knows!

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    • avatar

      jlyfsh April 6, 2015, 10:38 am

      Didn’t Wendy post something about the actual effectiveness of birth control over time on Friday Links once? The effectiveness of the pill, depending on which one you take, can also depend on whether or not it was taken at the same time every day, etc. I have known people to get pregnant on the pill. Maybe this was the link? https://myaccount.nytimes.com/auth/login?URI=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nytimes.com%2Finteractive%2F2014%2F09%2F14%2Fsunday-review%2Funplanned-pregnancies.html%3F_r%3D5&REFUSE_COOKIE_ERROR=SHOW_ERROR

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      • Portia

        Portia April 6, 2015, 8:58 pm

        I’ve bookmarked that page, it’s just fascinating. And looking at perfect use of condoms vs. typical use of pills is interesting and not what I would have necessarily expected (I was always terrible at taking pills regularly, so I’m glad I used backup).

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    • honeybeenicki

      honeybeenicki April 6, 2015, 10:42 am

      My bonus daughter was a pill baby. BUT her mom also took an antibiotic around the time of conception, which makes the pill less effective. So I don’t think that falls under proper use.

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      • avatar

        Anon April 6, 2015, 10:45 am

        I think this is what happened to me. Had to take an additional medication briefly which I believe lowered the effectiveness of the pill.

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    • avatar

      Erica April 6, 2015, 12:01 pm

      My mom got pregnant with me on the pill. It also happened to a friend of mine and she uses an alarm to take the pill everyday. Also, another friend of mine got pregnant after skipping two pills. It’s only 99.9% effective if used perfectly. I think in reality, it is actually closer to 1%.

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    • Miel

      Miel April 6, 2015, 12:06 pm

      99.9% Effective, means, 1 out of 1000 women will become pregnant after a year of regular sex. That’s for perfect use.

      Things that make it “non-perfect use”:
      -Not taking it at the same time every day
      -Not taking it every day
      -Taking it in combination with another drug (some antibiotics)
      -Taking while sick (if there’s any throwing up, you might have just puked your pill)
      -Changing brand/Stopping and getting on the pill again

      Turns out people forget pills all the time. Or they don’t take it at the same time everyday. Or some of those things combined. Then the pill is only 90% effective. Meaning 1 out of 10 woman will get pregnant after a year of having sex. That’s quite a lot.

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  • avatar

    Laura Hope April 6, 2015, 10:38 am

    Wow! You are the .1%!

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  • Stonegypsy

    Stonegypsy April 6, 2015, 10:56 am

    Guys, it happens. Birth control isn’t 100% effective, even with perfect use. Most of the time, it’s really easy to not have babies, but it happens.

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    • avatar

      zombeyonce April 6, 2015, 2:10 pm

      My sister had a baby when she was 16 (and on the pill) and I’ve been super paranoid about getting accidentally pregnant ever since. Only in super long-term relationships have I used fewer than 2 types of birth control at all times. And hey, it worked!

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      • Portia

        Portia April 6, 2015, 2:26 pm

        A situation like that would make me hypervigilant too.

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  • avatar

    ktfran April 6, 2015, 11:08 am

    I’m not sure what kind of protection my parents were using, but my mom recently mentioned that not only was I unplanned, which I new, but she was on also on birth control.

    Luckily, my parents were already married when I happened, but still, I was a “happy accident.”

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    • Stonegypsy

      Stonegypsy April 6, 2015, 11:12 am

      My two older siblings and I made our way past the pill and condoms

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      • avatar

        ktfran April 6, 2015, 11:23 am

        That’s nuts! Your mom must have been super fertile, or dad had superhuman little fellas. Or something.

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      • Stonegypsy

        Stonegypsy April 6, 2015, 11:27 am

        Yeah. It’s a little insane. To this day, my dad insists that my mom was lying about being on birth control (but then, my dad is kind of a dick. They’re divorced, obviously)

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      • avatar

        Cleopatra Jones April 6, 2015, 11:41 am

        Speaking of nuts…
        My husband has 3 fully functioning testicles, so my eggs never stood a chance. 🙂
        .
        When we decided that we didn’t want anymore children, he had to have outpatient surgery for his vasectomy because it couldn’t be done in the doctor’s office.
        .
        Just sayin, some people are really super-fertile.

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      • Addie Pray

        Addie Pray April 6, 2015, 11:48 am

        Could you share more information about your husband’s 3 balls? Are they each the same size? Are they smaller than average because there are 3 of them? Or are they 3 big balls? Are they kind of stacked side by side or in front of each other? How common is this? Balls are so interesting.

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      • Addie Pray

        Addie Pray April 6, 2015, 11:50 am

        I mean, you don’t have to answer those questions. But if you did I’d read your answers.

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      • avatar

        Cleopatra Jones April 6, 2015, 12:16 pm

        Lol. It’s probably not as interesting as it sounds, although, we do have a good laugh when I tell him he’s really ballsy or nutty (figuratively and literally). 🙂
        .
        One of his testicles split and grew into to two separate testicles so he ended up with 3 (2 regular sized and 1 slightly smaller sized). The slightly smaller one is stacked on the regular ball because it didn’t separate entirely. The docs weren’t sure how it happened, so we don’t know if it’s some kind of genetic mutation or random freak accident. <–not really going to ask his dad & brothers if they have 3 balls too.
        .
        It doesn't look any different but it felt different to me, so I asked him to get it checked out. I was worried that it might be a growth or something but the tests showed that it was 3 testicles.
        .
        When he had a vasectomy, he had to undergo outpatient surgery. After the vasectomy, he had to undergo sperm-count testing for a year afterwards to make sure that the vasectomy actually worked.
        .
        Now y'all know way too much about my old man's balls. 🙂

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      • Addie Pray

        Addie Pray April 6, 2015, 2:51 pm

        Thanks for indulging me. I’ve never wanted more to know about an internet stranger’s husband’s balls.

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      • Addie Pray

        Addie Pray April 6, 2015, 2:54 pm

        and if yo’re so inclined:
        1. Does your husband know if his father/brothers or anyone else in the family have the same situation?
        2. Does he need special underwear?
        3. Did he tell you about it ahead of time or did you discover it yourself?
        4. Do your kids know about his situation? Now I’m wondering if my dad had 3 balls. That is the exact sort of thing my mother would never share with me if it were so. She’s not an over sharer. Not that I mind.
        5. Do you regret mentioning this?

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      • Addie Pray

        Addie Pray April 6, 2015, 2:55 pm

        ^ I promise I’m done.

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      • avatar

        Cleopatra Jones April 6, 2015, 3:55 pm

        1. Does your husband know if his father/brothers or anyone else in the family have the same situation?
        . He doesn’t know if he’s the only one or an inherited trait. Lol, maybe we can ask at Christmas this year? ‘Hey FIL, my husband has 3 balls, do you know if that’s inherited cause I’d like to know if we have to talk to our son about it.’
        .
        2. Does he need special underwear?
        . No special underwear, like I said, it doesn’t look any different that regular balls.
        .
        3. Did he tell you about it ahead of time or did you discover it yourself?
        . Well…I discovered it cause you know, I like balls (ain’t gonna lie). He had never thought it was odd, he just assumed that how all balls were. Cause really what would he have had to compare it too?
        .
        4. Do your kids know about his situation?
        .See question #1.
        .
        5. Do you regret mentioning this?
        .Ha ha, I was a little hesitant at first but seriously, 3 balls is an interesting discussion. Now I will forever be immortalized on DW as ‘that chick whose old man has 3 balls’ <—that I may regret. 🙂

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      • Addie Pray

        Addie Pray April 6, 2015, 6:54 pm

        You’re the best. Nothing to regret! And look, you should win a prize for exhausting me; I have no more questions about your man’s balls!

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      • blobfish

        blobfish April 6, 2015, 11:59 pm

        Good job Cleopatra Jones. Aditha is a tough one.

        Now let’s do names. Let’s name Addie’s boy Ki and let’s name Wendy’s girl Piper. When they get old enough and get engaged and things, we can refer to them as Kiper. Or Pie (yay). Okay Pi since we all like maths and all whatever
        Pie

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    • avatar

      MsMisery April 6, 2015, 11:41 am

      My bff was born after her mom had her tubes tied!! (And ten years after the other siblings!) They were definitely “done” and she was definitely an accident 🙂

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      • Dear Wendy

        Dear Wendy April 6, 2015, 12:42 pm

        Ok, well, nowI’m getting scared by all this anecdotal evidence of unplanned pregnancies after tubal ligations and vasectomies. As someone who is super fertile (I’ve gotten pregnant on the first ovulation cycle the three times I’ve tried to) and does not want to ever get pregnant again after I have this baby I’m currently carrying, I am anxious that the vasectomy drew is planning to get won’t be enough or that something will happen in the time after I give birth and before he has the vasectomy (I’ve asked him if he wants to just do it now but he says he wants to wait until the baby is born and we knows everything is ok, to which I say: “Why? Even if, God forbid, something goes wrong, I’m not getting pregnant again. This is it.”

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      • avatar

        RedRoverRedRover April 6, 2015, 12:48 pm

        You could always get an IUD if you’re that worried. They last about 5 years, so you’d only need 3 or so before you hit menopause and don’t have to worry about it ever again. 🙂

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      • avatar

        MissDre April 6, 2015, 1:24 pm

        Copper IUD lasts 7-10 years 🙂 I have a copper one with no issues!

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      • avatar

        zombeyonce April 6, 2015, 2:13 pm

        I loved my copper IUD! Absolutely no maintenance and no dealing with squicky hormones that mess me up. I had mine for 7 years and it was fantastic. (Only got it out recently since we’re trying for kids now.)

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      • avatar

        ktfran April 6, 2015, 1:50 pm

        Yeah. My little sister had an IUD put in after her second child… she’s pretty fertile, but has not gotten pregnant since child #2.

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      • mylaray

        mylaray April 6, 2015, 12:46 pm

        My best friend was also born after her mom had her tubes tied (and like 14 years later). Her dad got a vasectomy after that just to be really sure. And my mom got pregnant on an IUD. Pretty crazy.

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      • avatar

        RedRoverRedRover April 6, 2015, 12:49 pm

        My best friend got pregnant on an IUD. I think the lesson is, if you really don’t want kids, you need two methods of birth control. 🙂

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      • Stonegypsy

        Stonegypsy April 6, 2015, 1:06 pm

        Man, this makes me nervous. I’ve been rolling along with an IUD, and with my main partner we don’t use anything else. Here I’ve been thinking I’m probably in the clear!

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      • avatar

        RedRoverRedRover April 6, 2015, 1:46 pm

        Yeah, I’ve only ever used condoms alone or IUD alone. Guess I was lucky! Now I’m married and I think we’d just go ahead and have any accident babies that came along.

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      • avatar

        zombeyonce April 6, 2015, 2:14 pm

        Agreed. I had an IUD for many years but always used condoms (and/or pull out, which of course isn’t super effective but works well combined with the IUD). I was an accident and 2 out of 3 of my sister’s kids were conceived when she was on the pill so I think my family is just super fertile.

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      • Portia

        Portia April 6, 2015, 2:24 pm

        Agreed. When I was in the pill, it was pills and condoms and was a firm no on getting rid of condoms (definitely didn’t want kids then). Also I’m jealous of you ladies on IUD’s, I can’t get one. 🙁

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  • avatar

    Taylor April 6, 2015, 11:23 am

    Conception is a weird thing. I know of a couple who had a baby after he had a vasectomy AND she had her tubes tied. I was on the pill for 10 years, and didn’t have any trouble, despite some irregularity on taking them.

    Good luck LW!

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    • Addie Pray

      Addie Pray April 6, 2015, 11:49 am

      Yeah, all these comments about how many people got pregnant while on the pill is frightening. It just seems likely SURELY something else was up – either the pill wasn’t taken properly or other medication messed things up, etc.

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      • avatar

        RedRoverRedRover April 6, 2015, 12:26 pm

        I’m pretty sure some individual people don’t react properly to it as well. Like, the dose that’s enough for most people isn’t enough for you, as an example. Or there’s something in your body chemistry that messes with it. So the effectiveness may be true generally, but not specifically for you. For you maybe it’s only 98% effective. You know?

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  • bittergaymark

    Bittergaymark April 6, 2015, 11:55 am

    Eh, the pill sure conveniently fails a lot of DWLWs… Whatever. I don’t buy it. And it AMAZES me how so many if you swap fluids with strangers. Its just so fucking stupid. I dunno. Increasingly I think mire snd more I am right in thinking that much of the world is just so fucking stupid…

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      RedRoverRedRover April 6, 2015, 12:28 pm

      When you say “you” like that, it sounds like you’re talking to the commenters. I haven’t heard many of us discussing how we go out and sleep with strangers without protection. We’re usually saying the same as you – wear protection.

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      • Stonegypsy

        Stonegypsy April 6, 2015, 12:34 pm

        #notallDWers

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        RedRoverRedRover April 6, 2015, 12:50 pm

        You’re my spirit animal. 🙂

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      • Stonegypsy

        Stonegypsy April 6, 2015, 12:53 pm

        That might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

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        RedRoverRedRover April 6, 2015, 1:00 pm

        Lol!

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    booknerd April 6, 2015, 12:17 pm

    Yeah, two weekends together where you fully knew he was about to bang another or other women, tells you he’s a good guy. He’s not using condoms with you, or anyone rose. Good guy. You won’t hear from him until April if you EVER hear from him again….. OMG. What?! Please use condoms! Do you really understand what being a single mom will be like? Taking care of someone elses kid is different than having your own for the next 18 years or more.

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  • mylaray

    mylaray April 6, 2015, 12:38 pm

    I don’t really understand the issue. You’re pregnant, but he is not going to be with you. So you move on. Don’t hope for anything to change. You don’t sound worried at all about the pregnancy or the baby. Having unprotected sex with practically a stranger and who knows what could be passed on to you and your baby. Maybe there’s a big cultural difference, but you sound so preoccupied with this man you knew only briefly. Though I can imagine there is some sort of attachment you may feel because you are now pregnant, it’s incredibly unlikely he will be back in your life and want to be with you. Focus on your life and the future and make sure that you are prepared to be a responsible parent.

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  • Dear Wendy

    Dear Wendy April 6, 2015, 12:46 pm

    ddrsddsdsssdddddcccvdvdfdfdfddffdffdddcfddfdfd vvvd

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy April 6, 2015, 12:47 pm

      Um, that was Jackson’s response to all of this when I went to the bathroom and left the computer open on the coffee table…

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      • Stonegypsy

        Stonegypsy April 6, 2015, 12:53 pm

        I think we can all relate to Jackson in this instance.

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    • Eljay

      Eljay April 6, 2015, 1:33 pm

      WJS!

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    LW April 6, 2015, 4:30 pm

    It’s me! Thank you, everyone, for your profound (sometimes stinging) responses. I know, I know. I screwed up. What’s done is done. And I should have been more careful. And believe me, I truly appreciate your bluntness. And it has helped me go through these roller coaster of emotions in a way. Don’t get me wrong. I am not more concerned with him than I am of the baby. Simply because I’ve already made up my mind that I’m keeping it. It’s not a question of “if” because I am keeping it. As for child support, like I said, I am financially stable even without a partner and I can fully support my child alone. If he helps out, good. If he doesn’t, it won’t matter. My child will grow up to have a loving extended family. I guess what I’m saying is this: I am not a bad person and I wholly take responsibility for the outcome of my actions. Maybe my initial “wanting” for a partner was rooted from my desire to have a family. I still do not know what he’ll say. But all your inputs have been so helpful to point my head in the right direction. That is: my baby and my baby alone is my top priority. The father’s presence or absence will not affect how I will cherish my being a good mother to my child. Thank you for all your support. You guys rock!

    Pregnant with a fling

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    • blobfish

      blobfish April 7, 2015, 12:07 am

      I sure understand your perspective where you assumed it was a given that you are having and supporting your baby. Congratulations!

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  • chief10

    chief10 April 7, 2015, 12:02 pm

    I wasn’t able to read through every comment, unfortunately I’m biased in these situations in that here another person is having a baby with a random person they came across and other couples like my wife and I can’t conceive for nothing. I bow out of this one.

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