Well, I can tell he is with the other girl right now, and I just found out I am pregnant. I don’t expect to hear from him until mid-April when he goes back to the US. But here are my questions: 1) How do I tell him without scaring him off? 2) I want him, but, if he chooses her, how do you think I should carry on?
I don’t know him too well, but I can feel he is a good man. And I want that good man to be mine. It’s one thing to let go of a man who is not worth it. But it’s difficult letting go of someone who treated you well, whom you had great memories with, and whom you have a baby with. Worse, if he chooses to be with the other woman but wants to be involved with the baby, how do I deal with that? How can I make it less painful? All these hormones are making me so emotional. I try to think rationally and I’d appreciate any opinion from someone looking from the outside. — Pregnant with a Fling
You’re pregnant and not once — not one time — in this letter do you say anything about wanting a baby. You want this man — this man you admit you hardly know and who is, at this moment, in another country boinking another woman. You want him because he treated you well and you have great memories with him? You spent four days with the guy! How about focus on whether you want to be a mother in 7 1/2 months. Forget about this man for a moment and think about that, because the likelihood of that happening is much, much greater than the likelihood of this guy you hardly know, who is currently in another country boinking another woman, coming back and being interested in starting a serious relationship and a family with you.
The likelihood of the two of you raising this baby together as a couple is very, very slim. He MAY be interested in being a part of this baby’s life, but who knows how or in what capacity. And it’s very possible he’ll want nothing to do with the baby or you. You have to imagine you will be a single mother in every meaning of the phrase. Imagine being in this alone. Raising the baby alone. Caring for this baby alone. Is that what you want? Do you really want to have a baby now and to be a single mother? Because if you don’t, this is the time you need to make some difficult decisions about whether or not to keep this baby.
Once you’ve made a decision — and please, please base it on your idea of life as a single mother and not on how you think this man you hardly know will react to the news — you can decide whether or not to share the news with him. Obviously, if you decide to keep the baby, he has a right to know. And the two of you need to discuss together what kind of role he will have in the baby’s life. As for what kind of role he’ll have in YOUR life, I’m afraid that is secondary to the baby’s needs. Everything, actually, will be secondary to the baby’s needs for a while. That’s kind of what happens when you have a kid.
This is serious. I hope you’ll take it as such. This isn’t some cat-and-mouse game or some “tee-hee, how do I win the guy without scaring him away?” charade. This is real life. You’re talking about bringing a child into this world. Grow up and think about what that really means and save the man-chasing for when you’ve got a better grip on your situation.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.