All the while she claimed she only loved me and was doing it all to get over me (since I was the one who was calling off the relationship during those periods). And now she is doing everything she can to be more honest with and she’s been great for the last few months. Even so, knowing that she objectively finds these other guys hotter makes me feel like rubbish. It wouldn’t be impossible for me to find someone who did find me the most attractive guy; it’s happened before – or at least I was made to feel that way. And also I think that if I were with someone I trusted, perhaps it would make the issue easier. Thoughts? — Not as Hot as Her Exes?
This is a dead-end relationship with stupid game-playing and a lack of trust. MOA. And also, in the future when you break up with someone, it’s none of your goddamn business whom she kisses or dates or has sex with. That you “got the truth out of her” about the personal life she had during the periods you didn’t want to be with her suggests you are a control freak, in addition to having whatever self-esteem issues your girlfriend is clearly playing to with her comments about how hot her exes are. Both of you need to grow up, but you, especially, sound like you have a lot of maturing to do before you’re ready for a grown-up relationship.
I have introduced him to my children and my friends, but I have met only one person from his life briefly during a night out. I have performed small miracles to make myself available to him by finding people to take my kids for me, sometimes to be disappointed when he cancels. Recently, I have been struggling in that, although we have sex, it appears to be way down on his list of priorities (as we have sex 1-2 times a month). I have always made it an option that he can stay at my house – we can be up early before the kids and I am even ready to let my kids know that he is important to me and so he will be staying over. But he resists. I want to feel him sleeping beside me and have the comfort of a man’s arms around me, but it doesn’t seem to be important to him.
Recently he has told me that the fact that I am a single parent to my children has got him scared and has been one of the reasons that he hasn’t developed the physical side of our relationship. I have never asked him to be anything more than a friend/lover/partner to me — not a father to my children. I’m reeling and very hurt – this has been going on for a year and he shows no desire to end our special relationship. I’m unclear of his motivation, and at this point I’m inclined to end things although I will miss him very much. — Unclear of His Motivation
I could certainly understand why a man who might not want to be a step-parent or have children in his daily life is hesitant to fully commit to a single mom of two kids under the age of 12. If that’s how he felt, it would explain why he might keep you at arm’s length. But… he doesn’t keep you at arm’s length. He acts like your boyfriend in all ways except that he doesn’t sleep over and he doesn’t introduce you to anyone in his life. Hmmm… I wonder why that might be?!
Dude is cheating on someone with you. Most likely, he has a whole family on the side. It would explain why he’s “struggling financially” (he’s got mouths to feed!) and can barely afford to buy you an occasional drink. And he’s using your kids — HE’S USING YOUR STATUS AS A SINGLE MOTHER — as a way for him to justify his shadiness and explain why he doesn’t feel comfortable sleeping over. Yuck. Get out now. This guy is not who you want wrapping his arms around you at night, and he definitely isn’t who you want your kids to know is someone important to you. He sure as shit isn’t letting his kids (and wife, probably) know you’re important to him…. is he?
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.