It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
Why on earth does a grown woman need to bring anyone with her to a general pap smear appointment? Something tells me you aren’t just annoyed that your girlfriend is her mom’s puppet, you’re annoyed she isn’t your puppet. It’s not your job to “show” your girlfriend that she’s blinded by her mother. You can express your feelings about how the mother intrudes on your relationship, but, if your girlfriend doesn’t see it or doesn’t care or isn’t interested in creating some boundaries with her mother, you either need to accept that or move on.
First of all, why are you using your boyfriend’s email? He’s going to see this reply when I send you the link to this column. Don’t you have your own email? Get one, if you don’t. And get a job (if you don’t have one) so you don’t have to ask men for money in exchange for cooking, cleaning, and doing everything to make them happy. As for your boyfriend, move on. He cheated on you. A birthday wedding should be the last thing on your mind.
I would talk to your family first and ask how they would feel about your taking everyone on a family vacation and bringing your girlfriend along too. Their answer should give you some idea about how they would treat her on the trip. If you don’t think they would treat her well, don’t pay for a family trip with everyone. Instead, take your girlfriend on a romantic vacation, just the two of you, and give your family more time to accept your relationship. Additionally, you could start integrating your girlfriend into family events on a much smaller scale through hosting family BBQs (or get-togethers) this summer and stuff like that. If they aren’t nice to your girlfriend in a two- or three-hour time frame, you can bet they won’t treat her well during a much longer vacation.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.