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“My In-Laws Didn’t Give Us a Wedding Gift!”

I thought I would see what your thoughts are on my in-laws not only not getting us a wedding gift, but how they haven’t even told their son happy birthday for at least eight years! Yet, they give their other three children a free place to live, helped pay for ones’ wedding and made her wedding dress, etc.

When I confronted them about this, they told us they could barely afford the gas to come to our wedding! When approached about how they could have just given us a free family heirloom that would have meant the world, they told us we were way out-of-line. Am I out-of-line for bringing something up they had over two years to budget for? They also said they were going to pay for the rehearsal dinner but when it came down to it, they didn’t budget for that either and couldn’t pay for it.

What should I do? I feel like our relationship is deteriorating quickly. — Giftless Bride

You know what’s tackier than promising to pay for your son’s rehearsal dinner and not following through and not giving him a wedding gift and waiting a whole month to even give him a card? Confronting someone for not giving you a gift and even suggesting what could have been given in the event of a budgetary crisis. Above all else, this is the epitome of rude behavior and shows a complete lack of class. No wonder your relationship with your in-laws is deteriorating completely!

For the millionth time, gifts are not an obligation. Beyond social expectations, there are no hard rules that say that gifts must be given for certain events. They are offered as a way to express love and support for monumental events in people’s lives. That your boyfriend hasn’t even received a birthday card from his parents in eight years would indicate that they aren’t the type of people who express their love through tokens like that, so I’m not sure why you’re so surprised they didn’t step up for your wedding either.

At most — at most — you could have voiced your concern/annoyance about them promising to pay for the rehearsal dinner and then bailing, depending on when they did the bailing. If it was last minute and left you in a bind to cover the costs, you could have at some point pulled them aside and said, “It was so generous of you to offer to pay for the rehearsal dinner — we both really appreciated the offer — and I more than understand if the cost became more than you could afford. But it would have helped us plan and budget more carefully if you would have given us some more notice that you wouldn’t be able to swing it. We are so grateful that you were able to make it to the dinner though. Your presence and support is always worth more than any monetary contribution.” That’s it!

That you actually brought up the idea that your in-laws should have given you a “free” family heirloom in lieu of a store-bought gift is ghastly. Yes, you were out-of-line. It is not for recipients to say when, where, why and to whom such heirlooms are passed down. Were you raised in a barn? Rather than fixating on what your in-laws did or didn’t get you for your wedding, maybe you should be focusing some of your concern on the idea that they could barely afford gas to come to your big event. If that’s the truth, and they’re in real dire straits, they could probably use some family support right now instead of beratement over something as petty as an optional gift or the lateness of their card. Are they able to buy food for themselves? Pay their bills? If you truly don’t want your relationship with them to deteriorate further, why don’t you start thinking about how you and your husband might be able to help them rather than what old knick-knack around their house they could pass down to you?

*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com and be sure to follow me on Twitter.


Comments on this entry are closed.

avatar sarita_f July 28, 2011, 8:47 am

Holy hell, LW. Entitled, much?

avatar sweetleaf July 28, 2011, 8:53 am

Yikes! Let…it…go…

avatar joy July 28, 2011, 8:58 am

Wow! Totally tacky to ask for a gift or suggest a family heirloom be passed down! Does your husband know and support what you did? I can’t imagine he would. What your in-laws do with their money is their business. They had no obligation other than pay for your rehearsal dinner. I can understand being put into a bad position if they had promised to pay for the rehearsal dinner and reneged. It sounds like they are not as well off financially as you might think since they almost couldn’t come to the wedding. Perhaps it’s because all their children ask them for money and now they don’t have any. Grow up and realize you are not the center of the universe! I can only imagine how you would feel if your own children came up to you and behaved the same way!

Kate B. Kate B July 28, 2011, 10:35 am

If the husband does agree with her, there might be a reason why he hasn’t gotten a birthday card from his parents in eight years. Wow.

caitie_didnt caitie_didn't July 28, 2011, 8:59 am

LOL, preach it Wendy! Raised in a barn indeed.

LW, I don’t even KNOW you, and I think you’re a selfish, entitled brat. I think my brain just exploded while reading this letter. Can’t WAIT to see the update on this.

avatar LTC039 July 28, 2011, 9:18 am

I wonder what she would do if her husband didn’t get her the “right” gift for an anniversary…

avatar darden July 28, 2011, 10:05 am

Betcha $50 the update will go along the lines of “wow! Not the response I was expecting! Maybe I left of a few details, let me clear a few things up….” and a bunch of “facts” that completely change the situation.

avatar lemongrass July 28, 2011, 10:36 am

You are probably right, however, I don’t know what facts could ever make it okay to expect a gift and then berate the people who didn’t give it to you.

avatar SpaceySteph July 28, 2011, 11:44 am

Well obviously she and her husband are broke and live in a refrigerator box under the freeway but his parents won’t give them free housing like his rich sister who lives with them.

avatar Bethany July 28, 2011, 9:00 am

While I 100% agree that it was pretty low of the in laws not to give a gift or birthday cards, and then bail on paying for the rehersal dinner, I 1000% agree with Wendy that it’s completely RUDE to confront someone about that! I could see venting to your girlfriends, but seriously?? To call them out on not giving you a gift?? Nothing says brat more than that.

avatar Amber July 28, 2011, 9:01 am

Yeah, I can’t even imagine asking for a gift. That is just so out of line it’s crazy. And like Wendy said if they left you in a tough spot with the rehearsal dinner you could have said something. But, you go about it the right away. You’re not even their kid, who are you to judge how they spend their money? If they want to spend it on their children it’s their choice. And why did you say something about it instead of your husband? Does he feel the same way about this or are you the main person feeling annoyed by their actions? It seems like he’s the one who has been affected by their actions more than you.

avatar SpaceySteph July 28, 2011, 9:48 am

You deal with your parents, he deals with his. If he is upset that his parents didn’t get a gift or backed out on paying for the rehearsal dinner or don’t tell him happy birthday then HE needs to talk about it with them. Not you.

I suspect the reason you had to confront them is that your husband is not really interested in making it an issue, or else he would have spoken to them himself. Your entire letter reads like a 4 year old stomping her foot. Get over yourself.

avatar LennyBee July 28, 2011, 12:11 pm

Yes! No wonder people have issues with their in-laws if they feel entitled to bring up every little grievance with them. They’re not your parents! Your job is to be nice to them! Let your spouse deal with any issues with them! I would be so angry if my SO confronted my parents about something he felt was a slight. If we both discuss if and I agree that it’s a slight, then it’s my job to bring it up to my parents and find a solution. Not his!

avatar SpaceySteph July 28, 2011, 6:07 pm

Even now, having been married for over 25 years, my parents still divide it up that way. Like when they go on vacation, when they land safely, my dad texts his dad, my mom texts her dad. Its just how it works. They may all be family but you have the responsibility as their child who they went through 19 hours of labor with to call them and you don’t get to pawn it off on your spouse.

avatar Desiree July 28, 2011, 9:06 am

I definitely don’t have sympathy for the LW. However, I could see how her husband’s feelings could be a little hurt. It can get pretty touchy when parents do a lot (financially or otherwise) for one child and seemingly neglect the other in that respect. I have observed this cause conflict among my parents’ siblings and even a little between my sister and myself, on occasion. I do not see how the LW has claims to anything, though, except to maybe be a touch annoyed that they did not pay for the rehearsal dinner as promised. But, if her attitude in this letter resembles the attitude she shows her in-laws, they may have reneged on the dinner because of her behavior.

avatar artsygirl July 28, 2011, 9:06 am

Wow sweetie wow….Talk about an unfeeling letter. Your complete lack of empathy to your in-laws, who you readily admit are already over-burdened by their children, is shocking and very saddening.

While I understand that on the wedding day, the bride and groom should be the focus but that does not come with the right to berate and abuse others. Yes they should have paid for your rehearsal dinner if they verbally committed to it, but if something came up (like a lost job or having to financially support your siblings-in-law) then you have to acknowledge that shit happens and it was not done maliciously.

You need to apologize ASAP to your in-laws and see if there is anyway you can help them out – i.e. invite them over to your place to cook a meal once a week or insist that holidays could be hosted by you. If you are in your 20s or 30s it is likely that your in-laws are in their 50s or 60s which means that they are facing retirement in extremely dire straits.

avatar kerrycontrary July 28, 2011, 9:06 am

Wait to go Wendy!! This reminds me of Dudley Dursley from Harry Potter being upset when his parents got him 36 gifts for his birthday when they had gotten him 37 the year before. Temper tantrum much? And yes, sometimes parents favor certain children by providing them with a free place to live or paying for their wedding. But it is THEIR money. They have no obligation to pay for anything of yours.

avatar ReginaRey July 28, 2011, 9:22 am

Lovin the HP reference! Holler.

TaraMonster TaraMonster July 28, 2011, 10:19 am

Harry Potter, FTW!!

katie katie July 28, 2011, 8:29 pm

and I will third a heck yes for the HP reference!!

avatar Lindsay July 28, 2011, 9:09 am

I agree with Wendy wholeheartedly. The fact that they give others a free place to live and cover their weddings is even more reason to believe that they didn’t have the money for the LW’s wedding. The only reason the relationship is deteriorating quickly is because of the LW’s behavior.

avatar LTC039 July 28, 2011, 9:12 am

I understand your feelings, but it is way innappropriate to demand someone to give you gift. Yeah, it shows they’re either pretty financially irresponsible or some other underlying issue, but it’s not something that’s your place to confront them about.
Although they are now your in-laws, I think this situation should be solely between your husband & them.
I understand your inner resentment, yeah it sucks, but the reason your relationship with them is deteriorating is because of yur confrontations with them about this. You need to just accept them for who they are, would you really even want a gift that you had to practically threaten them for? I sure as hell wouldn’t! Gifts are not mandatory, yes, they’re traditional, socially expected, but not mandatory. Gifts are not a right, they are gestures from the heart.
If you want to stop this rift b/w your in-laws, then stop yourself. Accept them for who they are, they are not going to change, & leave it at that.

avatar Quakergirl July 28, 2011, 9:16 am

I’m probably going to get slammed for this, but I wonder if this really isn’t about the gift so much as her perception that her in-laws didn’t care about her husband/their wedding as much as they do about their other children. It sounds like half of her gripes are about the fact that they didn’t even do anything for the wedding–not even a card or help with the planning/preparations–and less about the lack of a physical gift. I get that not every family expresses love through tokens, but to not even acknowledge your son’s birthday for eight years is just hurtful, and even if you’re not that great with words or expressing feelings, getting your son and daughter-in-law a wedding card just isn’t optional. All it takes is to find a card that doesn’t suck and write “congrats, we’re so happy for you, welcome to the family, LW, etc.” And if they really couldn’t afford the gas to drive to the wedding, then maybe they should stop letting their other kids freeload off of them and they shouldn’t have offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner. That would piss me off, too. I would never expect my parents or in-laws to offer to pay for anything related to my wedding, but if they offered and then bailed last-minute, I’d be freaking out about covering those costs. It just seems like the gift is where she’s directing her anger, but there’s a whole host of other things going on.

That being said, LW, your were WAY, WAY out of line here. Confronting them about the gift is beyond tacky and probably made them feel horrible and defensive. If you do really feel hurt by their lack of support and this isn’t about the gift, then go back to them, apologize profusely for your behavior and explain yourself. That you interpreted their actions as lack of support, even if they didn’t mean it that way, and you lashed out, but that you’d like to try to rebuild your relationship. Tell them that you’re grateful for their presence in your life and want to be a part of their family. Then work hard to be kind and gracious to them and sensitive to their financial/life circumstances. And if this is actually about the gift, I suggest you go spend some time in a cancer center or a children’s crisis nursery so that you can understand what a real problem looks like.

avatar ReginaRey July 28, 2011, 9:28 am

I totally agree with you. I think that this is more about the fact that her in-laws seem to favor, or at least prioritize, their other children over her husband. Who knows why! Maybe he caused them a lot of trouble as a teen and later reformed. Or maybe he was always extremely well behaved and on the right track, so they didn’t have to “worry” about him like they do their other children. If they’re suppoting their other adult children and her husband is abel to support himself, perhaps he doesn’t get as much attention because they’re too busy dealing with their other, less accomplished, children.

I can understand why that would piss someone off. But if ANYONE had the right to call out his parents, it was her husband. And if he really wanted to call them out on something, it should be his grievance with the fact that they ignore him/don’t appreciate him/don’t favor him, etc. NOT because they didn’t get you a gift. Soooo tacky and brattish.

LW, none of this was your place. You should have let your husband do the talking, if he wanted to talk to his parents about this, and like Wendy said, you should probably spend more time being concerned over the financial place his parents are in than griping about a gift.

avatar Quakergirl July 28, 2011, 9:33 am

Agreed that it’s absolutely not her place. LW, I can understand why you’re upset that your in-laws are seemingly putting your husband last on their priority list, but his relationship with them is just that– his relationship. Listen to him and support him, but ultimately, if he wants to change his interactions with his parents, he has to be the one to do it. Your only job right now is to apologize to your in-laws.

avatar LTC039 July 28, 2011, 9:50 am

“Or maybe he was always extremely well behaved and on the right track, so they didn’t have to “worry” about him like they do their other children. If they’re suppoting their other adult children and her husband is abel to support himself, perhaps he doesn’t get as much attention because they’re too busy dealing with their other, less accomplished, children.”
That is very likely. LW, why would you even want to have to majorly depend on your in-laws? You should be happy you don’t need to be supported by them!

JK JK July 28, 2011, 10:10 am

So true… my siblings have always recieved more help from my parents than I have, but I know for sure that it’s because luckily my husband and I don’t need it. And I also know that if in the future I need help more than my siblings that I’ll also recieve it!

avatar kali July 28, 2011, 1:35 pm

JK, this is my situation as well. And yes, sometimes, in weaker moments, I fantasize that a little coddling would be nice and then I wake up and realize that I’m proud of my accomplishments and ability to handle my own affairs. I love my brothers and sister dearly and would never begrudge them anything but it does sometimes sting when they seem to have favored status over me.

LW, parents are imperfect people and even their own offspring may never know all the ins and outs of what goes on in the decisions they make. Love them, accept that they are choosing the course that seems right to them. You can choose to make different choices when you have your own family but this is your in-laws decision and you cannot tell them how to behave. It’s simply a recipe for a rotten relationship and one day you children may wonder why Grandma and Grandpa rarely come to visit…

avatar lemongrass July 28, 2011, 10:41 am

I agree with you, but maybe the in-laws don’t really use cards as an expression of love. She didn’t say that all the other siblings got cards on their birthdays and he didn’t, just that he hasn’t got one on his birthday for 8 years. It could be that they show their love in different ways than she has experienced/grown up with and therefore isn’t seeing/appreciating it. She didn’t write that her husband is upset so perhaps he already knows that his parents love him and doesn’t expect a gift/card.

avatar Quakergirl July 28, 2011, 10:58 am

I took this statement– “they haven’t even told their son happy birthday for at least eight years”– to mean that they hadn’t even acknowledged his birthday, not that they hadn’t given him a gift or card. Maybe I’m wrong, though, in which case I agree that they may not be card or gift people.

But I think the bigger picture still holds– she didn’t feel like they supported them and their relationship/wedding the way they did with his other siblings. They can house their three grown children, one of whom has already been married, but they can barely afford gas to drive to their wedding that they had two years to plan for? They can make their daughter a wedding dress, but not even write the LW and her husband a note or make them a picture frame/recipe book/quilt/what have you? That just seems thoughtless, to me, and I can see how she’d interpret it as a slight. Those are nice gestures that they’re clearly willing to do for the other children, but not for him. I just get the sense that if they had been involved with the wedding (asking questions, offering their time to help with preparations, etc.) and supportive otherwise (giving a nice toast, warmly congratulating them, telling them they were happy for them, etc.) then the LW wouldn’t be so upset about the gift situation. I may be way off base, but that’s just my read on it.

avatar LennyBee July 28, 2011, 12:20 pm

I totally agree, and I’m glad you wrote this. I was finding it very hard to be sympathetic to the LW when all I could focus on was how inappropriate it is to confront someone else’s parents, especially if they’re your in-laws.

avatar Britannia July 28, 2011, 1:22 pm

I think it’s plausible that the parents did not like LW from the get-go, that she rubbed them the wrong way as soon as they met and have continued to do throughout her relationship with her now-husband. I see it as the parents not agreeing with their son’s life choices, including marrying the LW, and thus pushing him away. Obviously they are still somewhat involved in his life, since LW has the opportunity to demand heirlooms from them, but if they really dislike his choice in life partner but know they can’t do anything, I can see why they would be staying as far away from him as possible, whenever possible. It’s up to both the LW and her husband, at this point, to try to get back into the parents’ good graces if they’re hoping to be treated the same as the rest of the family.

avatar SpyGlassez July 28, 2011, 1:32 pm

But my other question is: are they STILL housing the adult child? When did they make the wedding dress? If the husband is the younger of the siblings, maybe mom made a wedding dress for the OLDER sister 10 years ago. Maybe the “adult children” moved home for a year or two after college while the husband was able to move out right away….

Frankly, the LW sounds like a spoiled little brat, who forgot in her bride-gasm that the world does NOT in fact revolve around you just because you get to play dress-up for a day.

Oh, yeah, and in my family we don’t give cards either. $5 for a piece of paper that’s going in the trash? We have old cards that we recycle (from years past before we decided it was a waste) which will get brought up and repurposed for a celebration. And as far as not wishing the husband a happy birthday – does HE call his parents on THEIR birthdays? Does HE send a card or a present or even an email? Does HE just call to chat during the week?

avatar Quakergirl July 28, 2011, 2:06 pm

“Yet, they give their other three children a free place to live”

I assume since the statement is present-tense that the adult children still live there. Also, even if they did make the wedding dress for their daughter ten years ago, does that mean they can’t do something nice for their son now? It really isn’t about the cost at all, but rather that they were invested in their daughter’s life/wedding and not their son’s, which makes the LW feel slighted. Maybe she deserves it, maybe she doesn’t– I have no idea. And even if the son doesn’t call on their birthdays, two wrongs don’t make a right. They still could acknowledge his birthday, he’s their son. Are we seriously debating whether or not it’s reasonable to expect a parent acknowledge a child’s birthday?

I do agree that the LW sounds a little entitled and that she handled this situation entirely incorrectly, but the expectation of some meaningful acknowledgement of your wedding from the groom’s parents is not outrageous. They don’t have to spend $5 on a card– they could have hand-made a card. They could have done any number of things to make it seem like the wedding was vaguely important to them, but they didn’t. I’m not saying IN ANY WAY that the LW was right in this situation or that the way she acted was IN ANY WAY acceptable– it wasn’t. But I am just genuinely shocked at the number of people who don’t have any expectation of basic courtesy and niceness from their family, whether it’s their parents or their in-laws. Apparently, the fact that my parents call me on my birthday makes them eligible for parent-of-the-year awards.

avatar SGMcG July 28, 2011, 9:19 am

If anyone is at fault for letting the relationship with the in-laws deteriorate quickly, it is you LW. The minute you made it about material matters, it stopped being about developing a relationship them and more about getting your take in goods and/or money. Just because you married their son, it doesn’t mean you are automatically his mouthpiece over things you feel that slight him. If he hasn’t had a birthday present in 8 years, HE has the obligation to bring it up with them. If he feels slighted by his parents when his siblings are lavish receipients of their parent’s generosity, HE has the right to ask what is up with them. If there was an issue with the budget of the wedding rehearsal dinner, the two of you can bring it up to them – AS A COUPLE. Yet by no means does this obligate either of you to ask about wedding presents two years after the wedding, like a church collection plate, let alone ask the givers of the potential gift to fork over family heirlooms!

avatar silver_dragon_girl July 28, 2011, 9:21 am

Know what this is? This is the world’s smallest violin playing “My Heart Bleeds For You.”

Or something like that.

avatar mel July 28, 2011, 9:24 am

It can be really frustrating to watch a family seemingly favor one child over another. My boyfriend’s parents go to great lengths to make sure that his whiney older brother is taken care of at every turn – although he has a steady high-paying job. While my boyfriend, who could be classified as lower-middle class at best, is just BARELY making ends meet and could really use the help. I wanna shake his parents.

But here’s the thing. They’re in the wrong, but it’s. not. my. place. to. confront. them. PERIOD. DO YOU NEED MORE PERIODS FOR EMPHASIS? BECAUSE I. HAVE. MORE.

And as far as asking for a gift? Unless it’s Christmas, and you’re between the ages of 3 and 7, whining about what you were or weren’t given is bratty, tacky, entitled, and just plain gross.

LW, you’re a married woman now, so act like an adult. Maybe your in-laws need help that you can provide. You want to help fix the deteriorating relationship? Then step up, lose the sense of entitlement, and see what you can do to help them, or at the very least smooth things over after your hissyfit.

avatar artsygirl July 28, 2011, 10:18 am

Bwaahahaaah (your comment almost got me in trouble at work because I laughed so loudly)

avatar LTC039 July 28, 2011, 10:23 am

I’m more appalled at the fact that she confronted them about that family heirloom. That is like the bottom of the classless, tactless barrel.
Missy, who do you think you are demanding something like that! That is not YOUR heirloom, it is not even your husband’s, you are not entitled to it because you married him!

avatar va-in-ny July 28, 2011, 2:54 pm

I picture it as “Oh come on! You can’t say you don’t have any of those stupid famiy heirlooms lying around. Even that would have been better than nothing!” with feet stomping and a “I can’t even deal with these people. Husband, do you believe this?!?!??”

Not handled well…

avatar lemongrass July 28, 2011, 10:43 am

Actually, even if you are between the ages of 3-7 it is still bratty and entitled! I don’t remember ever complaining, I was just happy I got stuff!

avatar LennyBee July 28, 2011, 12:23 pm

Ya, no kidding. My niece is between the ages of 3 – 7, and would NEVER whine about gifts.

avatar mel July 28, 2011, 3:04 pm

Yeah. That’s actually true.

At least its more understandable for a little kid, kinda?

avatar va-in-ny July 28, 2011, 3:10 pm

Not necessarily.. Selfishness is not an act of ‘nature’. Children *learn* selfishness at a very young age. It is not something that is inherent with all children.

avatar mel July 28, 2011, 10:56 pm

I think it has to do with what people let you get away with obviously. A younger child might have yet to be told that that behavior is inappropriate. What I failed to mention is that I wrote the original comment first thing in the morning… whoops.

I’m pretty much the last person who’s going to defend someone acting like a snot. Doesn’t really matter how old they are, but it definitely gets worse the older you get, because you REALLY should know better than that, ESPECIALLY if you’re of marriageable age.

avatar Wendy July 28, 2011, 9:30 am

I wonder if the in-laws had something like a potluck or picnic buffet in mind for the rehearsal dinner (totally acceptable in my family) and the couple were thinking more like dinner and drinks for 30… and I don’t think not getting a card is a big deal. They were there, they (presumably) gave their congratulations in person. Maybe they wanted to avoid a “wait, where’s the check?” moment.

avatar SpaceySteph July 28, 2011, 10:01 am

Your inlaws, from the very little I know about them in your letter, seem like they are doing the best they can. I know my parents would never turn one of us out onto the street if we were unable to pay for our own place to live. I know they would cut costs in other ways if they had to, like gifts, vacations, any money they were saving for paying for our eventual weddings.
You don’t say much about their financials, but housing their (possibly grown) children may really be a financial burden they aren’t prepared for. They may have paid for his sister’s wedding at a time when they had more disposable income, and when it came time for yours they didn’t have the money to do what they wanted. Likely they are already embarassed by their financial state, inability to afford gas to go to their own son’s wedding, and having to bail on paying for the rehearsal dinner. You confronting them can only further the embarassment.

As for the birthday thing… Your husband’s parents may not be the warm fuzzy gifting type, which is only a problem if you are the greedy gift grubbing type.

avatar savannah July 28, 2011, 10:06 am

My family does not do gifts for occasions. My parents have never given me a card or a wrapped present in my entire life.(we’re jewish, so no christmas for those who were wondering) It’s just not how they show their love, support and affection. Instead at random times throughout the year they will send me and my siblings things they saw and thought we would like. At first my boyfriend found this very bizarre as his family is quite big on birthday gifts and cards, actually getting very upset if a card shows up a day late, even for what I consider lesser ‘holidays’ like fathers day. Eventually I learned our families just work and value these types of occasions differently and we as a couple have learned to adjust both our expectations when dealing with each side. I understand wedding gift protocol to be a little more rigid but what I expect if we get married would be for my parents to pay for something tangible at the wedding and I suspect my boyfriends parents would give us a proper wrapped gift they could hand to us.

avatar LTC039 July 28, 2011, 10:19 am

It’s the opposite with me. My mom is HUGE on cards, for every occassion. I don’t like writing cards, it’s just not my thing. I spend more time trying to find the “perfect” gift that I know that person will love & to me, that’s me telling you how much I care about you. Or, if I can’t/didn’t get a gift, I’ll do something nice for them like treat them to dinner, drinks, etc… My mom still makes comments if I don’t write her a card for some occassions but I tell her she has to accept who I am. If I’m in the mood, I’ll write one, but it’s something I don’t really care to do.

Budj Budjer July 28, 2011, 10:34 am

Contrary to popular belief….two wrongs don’t make a right.

bittergaymark bittergaymark July 28, 2011, 10:46 am

Yikes. Odds are this isn’t the first time the LW has done something incredibly tacky and all ME!-ME!-ME! with her inlaws. Seriously, is it any wonder they don’t like her? I probably wouldn’t have given her a gift either. (And I genuinely LOVE to buy gifts.)

So, LW, unless you want to spend your entire married life being an annoying bitch and textbook shrew regarding your inlaws (sadly this is probably precisely what you DO want so you can whine and create drama and illicit sympathy from EVERYBODY you badmouth them repeatedly to…) I would seriously just shut the hell up about this. Seriously, all too often people could solve their problems if they would just shut the fuck up sometimes.

Just shut the fuck up. Let. It. Go.

PS — Oh, yeah. And it’s not like we are smack dab in the middle in the biggest financial meltdown since the great depression… Oh, wait.

avatar LTC039 July 28, 2011, 2:52 pm

I have a pretty strong inckling the in-laws haven’t liked her for some time (she’s probably always been like this) & that’s why they weren’t exactly compelled to help with the wedding &/or give a gift. (Not excusing that, but it’s a plausible reason)