Happy Monday! I’ve got two morning quickies for you today. Keep reading:
What an honor to be offered your mother-in-law’s engagement ring! Please, for the sake of her feelings and your relationship with her, sit down and talk with her. Tell her how touched — and surprised! — you were that she offered you the family heirloom when you aren’t a blood relative, and that you feel especially lucky to have a loving mother-in-law like her. Ask her if she is sure she wants you to have the engagement ring — if she’s sure she’s even ready to part with it — and whether she has any thoughts about whom it should be left to when you die. Maybe she hadn’t thought that far ahead yet and she would prefer the ring be passed down through a direct blood line. If you still feel uncomfortable taking/wearing the engagement ring, even after discussing whom you could pass it down to, then suggest you be the “safe-keeper” of it — either now or after your MIL dies — and that you will make sure it is kept in the family. Then tell your MIL you would be honored to choose one of the two other rings she had set aside for you and will be happy to have something tangible to always remember her by.
For the last year, he has not had to pay child support and currently shows no interest in leaving his mother. We have discussed his moving into my home, which I own, but he cites our normal relationship fighting as an excuse not to leave. We do argue, but it’s always about him and his mother’s relationship. It bothers me that she is more of a spouse to him than I am. When we do discuss moving in together — which is not often — he says he is a bit scared that things will not work out. Please share your thoughts. — Competing With His Mom
If, after two years, your boyfriend is scared that things “will not work out” between you and he won’t even entertain the idea of moving out of his mother’s home after five years with her, then it’s clear he has no interest in moving your relationship forward. He’s comfortable exactly where he is — being taken care of by his mother while enjoying occasional companionship with you. He’s not looking for a spouse. If you are — or if you’re looking for a grown-up with whom to share a grown-up relationship, you should MOA.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.