A month ago, I had to go to a college far from where I live to write an exam and I didn’t know where the place was so my boss (the husband) offered to take me. I was not happy about that because he is very annoying, however, I was in no position to refuse the offer. While traveling, we discovered our mutual love for rock and heavy metal music. When he dropped me off after my exam I could tell that there was a weird vibe between us.
Two days later, he began chatting to me on BBM, asking normal things like how my studies were going, etc. Suddenly, he said that he saw an advert for an Aerosmith concert and he was thinking of buying two tickets and secretly taking me away with him to watch it and things between us at work has not been the same ever since.
He told me of how from the day he saw me at my previous job that he was attracted to me and thought of how he’d get me to work for him. He says I’m much more emotionally mature than most girls my age and many other things which he should not be saying. I was, of course, mortified by all of this as he is my boss, he’s old enough to be my dad, and he’s married with two teenage kids.
It’s been a month since it began and I must admit that I am secretly attracted to him because he is, in fact, a good looking guy and because we work together, I’ve gotten to know him quiet well and he isn’t a bad person.
Even though I’m secretly attracted to him too, I know that it’s wrong in every way to act on that attraction. I’m always pushing him towards his family, saying that he is married, he needs to spend time with his family, etc., but he really doesn’t care about the fact that he has a wife.
He flirts with me when his wife is around, he whispers “I love you” to me when his wife is standing right next to him. He goes on a vacation with his family and friends, yet the entire time he attempts to call me and texts me begging me to answer his calls (I do not). He wants to take me out, he randomly gives me money (which I do not accept).
Maybe I’m gullible because I think that he is being sincere about his feelings for me, or maybe he just wants to get me to sleep with him.
But no matter what his intentions are, all I know is that I’m very much attracted to him now and it’s really messing up my mind because it’s wrong to feel this way about a married man who is the same age as my father. I must reiterate that I will not act on my feelings towards him.
How should I handle the situation and how can I stop being attracted to him? I’ve been searching for a new job since last month but no positions seem to be opening up just yet.
Kindly note that I have been through many jobs in the past year and a half & hated them all. This is the first job that I’m enjoying because I’m good at it so it will be really sad for me to leave and it will be rather difficult to find a job that I enjoy again. I do know that I cannot stay here for much longer because all of my co-workers have figured out that my boss is in love with me. What if his wife finds out soon? I don’t want to be the one to ruin their marriage even though I have not been vocal about my feelings for him nor have I done anything wrong as my boss does not know that I feel this way about him too and I have no intention of ever making known my true feelings. I’m hoping that it is just a silly phase that will pass soon. — Infatuated with Married Boss
Look, your boss doesn’t love you any more than he loves his favorite old pair of shoes. You are just something to help pass the time. You are eye candy. You’re a game to him. You’re a young, pretty thing he can feel dominant and powerful over. You are a distraction in his life. You are not someone he legitimately cares about. Certainly, you’re not someone he loves. And you would never be the reason his marriage was ruined. Never. Not even if his wife found out her husband was acting inappropriately with you. Not even if you confessed your feelings. You are probably one in a long line of young women your boss has preyed on, and his wife probably knows about most, if not all, of them. She probably knows about YOU.
You are in WAY over your head here. Your boss is a predator. He is preying on you because he KNOWS how naive you are. He knows that, with a few cheap tricks, he can win you over, maybe win your affection and attention. Maybe even get you to sleep with him, perhaps fall for him. It’s all a game. You give him something to pass his time with because he’s bored with his life. He does not care about you. And I know this because he doesn’t treat you like someone he cares about. He doesn’t treat you like someone he loves. He treats you like an object — a toy thing for him to play with. He is NOT a good person. And he sure as shit would never in a million years let YOU ruin ANYTHING of his — not his marriage, not his business, and not his reputation. He is in full control. And you have zero control. You are in a position of losing your job with nothing else lined up because you know you can’t stay where you are. That’s how huge the power discrepancy is here. Think about that.
You may have hated all the jobs you’ve ever had, but, if you stay where you are, this is about to be one of the worst situations yet. You have developed feelings for someone who doesn’t care about you and is in a position of hurting you, both emotionally and financially. Please, leave your job now and delete this man from your life. Delete his contact information and every way you have of getting in touch with him and vice versa. Because you ARE gullible if you think his feelings for you are sincere. And if you’re gullible enough to fall so quickly for someone who clearly isn’t a good person and who uses tired old cliched tricks to get young girls to fall for him (offering money, talking about how much you have in common and how he fell for you the moment he saw you, asking about random things in your life to give the illusion he gives a shit, begging you to call him so you feel so needed and wanted), then I worry about how far you’ll allow yourself to fall if you don’t get out now. Get out now. Get out while you still have your dignity. Get out before you do anything to regret or feel ashamed about. Get out before you give legitimate reason to gossip about you or harm your reputation. Just get out. Get out and don’t look back.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.