His ex-wife found out and kicked him out so he’s been staying with me and we got a very nice house together. I have a Mercedes, etc. Well, his ex harrasses me — tells me to kill my baby, etc. My sugar daddy doesn’t defend me and he sneaks off and hangs out with his kids and ex-wife all weekend and ignores me and then comes home expecting me to forgive him and be OK with it, and now tonight he didn’t come home and he’s at her house, which I know because I drove by. What do I do?
I really want to keep my baby, but I don’t want to be a single mother. I’m so scared. I’m barely 20.
I’ve been going crazy on him yelling, screaming, crying, and he just doesn’t seem to care. Before all this happnened we had the best relationship. He’s always been there. Do you think his ex is using the 5-year-old daughter to keep him or what? I just don’t get it. My mom said to act like I don’t care and he’ll come back to me. — Sugar Baby on Board
Sugar, you never had a relationship with your sugar daddy. You had a business transaction. He won’t “come back” to you because he was never yours to begin with. He paid you to give him companionship and sex. You took his money and gifts in exchange for giving him what he wanted. That’s not an exchange of love. That’s commerce.
How do you know for sure he’s even divorced and no longer in a relationship with his ex-wife? It seems strange that a man who can afford multiple homes would continue living with a woman he no longer has any relations with, even if they do share a young daughter together.
Regardless, if you keep this baby, you will be a single mother. It is highly unlikely that your sugar daddy, a financially successful man and father of three kids, one who’s older than you, is going to marry or continue living with a 20-year-old student he’s been paying for sex. That’s just not realistic. What you can hope for is financial support from him, but you will need to see a lawyer and obtain proof of paternity for that.
What you can’t expect is emotional support. You can’t expect this man to wake up in the middle of the night to feed this baby or give it a bath or even love him or her. He has already proven to be undependable and you haven’t even given birth yet. For all intents and purposes, you will be this child’s only parent. That is a huge undertaking and investment for anyone. I can imagine it would be quite daunting for someone barely 20 who has been making ends meet as a sugar baby.
You’re not going to be the baby much longer. If you decide to keep this child, you’ll be the parent. And the “relationship” you thought you had with your sugar daddy is over. You need to do some soul-searching, talk with a lawyer about your rights, and go get tested for STDs. Really, the last thing you should be worrying about is how to get your sugar daddy “back.” What you think you had isn’t real. Unfortunately, the situation you now find yourself in is very real, and, sugar baby, it’s time to grow up and start making some tough decisions.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.