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It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
My wedding is just a month away and I’m not sure I want to marry my fiancé. He is loving, considerate, respectful, and hard working. However, he has some minor and major issues that concern me about our future. Firstly, when we go for a walk, he will almost always walk a foot or two ahead of me. I don’t ask him to hold my hand, but would like him to at least walk beside me and talk to me. Secondly, he is extremely attached to his family. His mom, dad, brother, and sister-in-law live two minutes away from us and visit us EVERY DAY. His mother comments on everything we do and believes she has control over our issues, and my fiancé doesn’t stop her! I believe his sister-in-law is jealous of me. She always flirts with my fiancé and tells me, “If you dare hurt my ‘brother,’ you won’t see the light of day.”
My fiancé is a great man, but I cannot come to terms with the fact that he tries to please everyone while avoiding my needs. There is only a month until the wedding. What would you do? — Cold Feet Bride
The reason you can’t come to terms with the fact that your fiancé tries to please everyone else while avoiding your needs is because you have at least half a brain, which should be enough smarts for you to cancel or, at the very least, postpone the wedding. And if you have a whole entire brain, you will explicitly express your needs to this man, give him three months to show he can accommodate you, and, if he shows no sign of caring what you want, you will MOA.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years and we have a one-year-old together. We recently broke up for a week and a half. He talked to his ex and two other girls. It really bothered me because I’ve never contacted my ex or any other guy. Then today I saw where he was on a sex website and it really made me sick to my stomach. Should I bring it up to him? What happens if he denies it? I don’t want to argue with him, but I don’t understand why he went on the website. He says he doesn’t watch porn and I’ve never caught him watching it. How can I find out if he does? — His Baby’s Mama
He does. So what? Be more concerned about your brief breakup and why he went running to three other women in ten days instead of working things out with his girlfriend of three years who happens to be the mother of his baby.
I am 23 years old and recently engaged, and my parents do not want me moving out until I am married. My fiancé recently bought an apartment and wants me to move in right away. I am so torn because I respect my parents but feel they need to respect my wishes. — Torn Between a Rock and My Parents
Honestly, you sound like someone who could benefit from living on her own for a little while instead of going straight from your parents’ home to your fiancé’s home. I’d suggest moving into your own place — either by yourself or with a roommate — for a year and THEN moving in with your fiancé. It may be the only year you ever have in your whole life to do exactly what YOU want to do, and it will go a long way in forming some independence so that you may be better able to stand up for yourself in the future.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.