“Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?”
I’ve been talking to a guy for about four months over the internet, Skype, and phone. We met once when we were both in relationships (he was one of my ex’s friends) and I instantly liked him as a person, and he later admitted he felt the same, but we never really talked much until we were both single. We have amazing chemistry from what I can tell, and are planning to meet up this summer. He’s currently living in another country, but will be moving back to the states in a month or two. We’ve talked about the possibility of being in a relationship if all goes well when we spend time together in-person. The only thing is, he admitted to me that he used to be a cheater. He told me he has cheated on girlfriends in the past, including his most recent ex, whom he was in a long-term relationship with. He said he’s really been making a point to change, and so far has been completely honest with me whenever I ask him questions about anything, even when it would be easier to lie and put himself in a more flattering light. I’m hesitant because of his unfaithful past, but I feel like him telling me about it all is his way of coming clean and laying it all out there for me so we can start off our relationship without any secrets. Should I give this guy a chance, or is it true that once a cheater, always a cheater? — A Little Leery
You live in different countries, he’s friends with your ex, and he’s a repeated cheater? Sounds like three strikes against him if you ask me. Four strikes if you count the fact that you’ve only met in person once. Sure, one way to spin things is that he confessed his cheating past as a way to start off your relationship without any secrets. A more realistic way to look at it, is that he told you, so that months down the road when he confesses that he’s now cheated on you, he can say, “But, baby, I told you from the start that I have a problem with being faithful. I warned you.”
When someone tells you who he is, believe him.
I’m a grad student in my early 20s and met a great guy over spring break. He asked me to dance at a blues dive and we got drawn into an engaging, open conversation that didn’t stop until the bar closed. We made plans to hang out the next day and saw each other every day after that…until he flew back to school several states away. Now I’m unsure what to do. I was very attracted to him and we connected instantly in a way I’ve never experienced before, but I’m not sure if he was interested in me romantically. Although the conversations were a bit flirtatious, he never made a move and we didn’t so much as kiss before he left. I’m used to dating guys who are fairly clear about their intentions and I wasn’t sure where I stood in this situation. Despite that, I felt like we really hit it off and I would be willing to take a chance on him. Am I crazy for thinking of starting something long distance, especially when I’m not 100% sure of his feelings for me? How should I approach it when he lives so far away and I’ve known him for so little time? — A Confused College Girl
I’m going to answer your question with a question: what do you think the percentage is of relationships that begin when both parties are 100% sure what the other’s feelings are? My guess is: not many. In the beginning, you aren’t even sure what your own feelings are. So don’t let your uncertainty about this guy’s intentions be the thing to stop you from pursuing something. I say send him an email, or call him up and tell him how much you enjoyed meeting him and that you felt a real click with him and wondered if he felt it too. If he’s at all interested in pursuing something long distance with you, he’ll let you know. If he’s not, then at least you won’t have to keep wondering “what if?”.