Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “The Key Issue” who was unhappy that her girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend had a key to her new place. “One day, while I was staying at her place, he was over to see the [twins] and, when he left, he locked the door with a key that I didn’t think he had or needed. This issue has caused problems. Do I have the right to be upset?” she asked. Update below.
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This week in the forums we’re discussing:

Getting Pregnant

SAHM: To be or not to be, that is the question

Tablet Madness and Tantrums

Grandma at Wedding Help!

“We Lack Passion and Chemistry”

Would you give a second chance at love (child involved)?

“How Do I Ask My Partner’s Family to Send Invites to Me?”

Friend in Bad Marriage/Not Caring for Kids Pregnant Again

Trying to make a wedding work when my mother and stepmom hate each other

This whole Trump situation just gets worse and worse everyday

Kids and Social Media

Makeup Tutorials

Anyone going on awesome dates?

MEETUPS:

Toronto – Ice Skating Jan. 21/22?

Follow along on Facebook and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

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Right In Time

Hi! Finally, after five days, I’m feeling better — not 100% just yet, but well enough that I feel confident handling the kids on my own this evening and Drew doesn’t have to cancel plans that he has to stay home and help. I don’t have a column ready for this morning though, and may not get one up by the end of the day. I might post a letter or two to the forums at some point, so check in there if you’re desperate for new content. And use down time to make calls to your senators and representatives! This is a big week in terms of resisting Trump’s agenda.

In other news, both my babies hit milestones over the last few days. Joanie turned 18 months old on Saturday, and yesterday, as I was saying good-night to Jackson, I realized that it was his “five and one quarter” birthday, which, as you can imagine, he was pretty psyched to hear. I’ve gotten rid of almost all our baby gear now — clothes for the first year are long gone, passed down to friends or friends of friends who had babies after me. Play mats and bouncy chairs and infant car seats are gone, too. Swings and toys and the moby wrap I only used a few times with Joanie have found new homes. We still have a crib, of course, and a bottle warmer, and diapers for now, but Joanie is already showing signs of being interested in potty-training, so maybe their days are numbered too, who knows (Jackson was three before he was toilet-trained, but I’ve heard girls go sooner, and, though I’m not pushing anything, I don’t want to hold her back either).

Predictably, I’m having some feels over all of this. I miss my babies, and it’s bittersweet knowing I’ll never have another, but, though I still have a couple years of toddlerhood to wade through, the freedom that comes in the growing independence of one’s kids is pretty great. Jackson can get himself dressed completely on his own now, from picking out his clothes to pulling on his socks. And he’s tall. And the shape of his face is way different than it was six months ago. Even his voice has changed. And he calls me “Mom” now, hardly ever “Mommy” anymore. And to Joanie, whom I’ve always been “mama” since she learned to sound words, I’m now becoming “mommy,” and because I can see the future right in front of me, right next to her, I know that too will change before we know it.

Like every parent before me and everyone who comes after, I feel the tension of wanting my babies to stay my babies forever and wanting them — and me! — to have the freedom that comes from the ability and confidence of making their own choices and doing things for themselves. And as we get closer to that point, I’m better able to appreciate the beauty and the gift of their dependence on me, much more than I feel the burden of it. It’s a particular gift that comes from having multiple children, too, that I can experience two ages at the same time, and know in an even more visceral way how fleeting this time is — how fast it goes. How lucky I am to have it with them. Really, whether you’re a parent or not, is there a bigger gift in life than appreciating what you have exactly when you have it and not just in retrospect?

Thank you for being patient as I recover from the Great Miserable Cold of 2017. I hope to be totally back to normal — whatever normal is — by tomorrow.

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The election of Donald Trump as the next President of the United States is a scary and horrific thing for many of us. He and his cabinet, full of unqualified and unsuitable candidates, threaten civil rights, voter rights, climate control, health care, public education, social security, the first amendment, foreign relations, free press, and the values of most good and decent people everywhere. We must resist his actions to destroy the fabric of democracy and the security of our citizens. In an effort to do that, each week I share some acts of resistance and steps of activism you can take. Here are this week’s:
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I was hoping to answer this myself, but I’m on day four of an awful cold and haven’t had the energy or mental acuity to give this the attention I wanted to give, so I’m making it a Your Turn, and, if I feel better later today, I’ll give my response in the comments.

I was up at three in the morning typing “I feel alone” into Google and taking “Why am I Single?” quizzes online when I stumbled upon your site. I read a couple of the letters on your site and loved your feedback and thought maybe you could help me. I’m 16, almost 17 in a few days, and I have trouble creating bonds with people. Whether it’s making friends, getting a boyfriend, or any other type of relationship, I suck at it.

I didn’t realize how awful I was at it until I moved out of state, switched high schools, and had to make all new friends. I have tried so hard; I’ve made a few friends but no one that would actually want to hang out with me after school. I always thought it was my weight, but then I lost 45 lbs. and still no one liked me. Then I thought it was my curly hair, so I tried straightening it and still no one liked me. I’m very shy and reserved sometimes — I try not to be but it’s very hard socializing with people. I can’t keep up conversation, I always feel like people don’t remember who I am even though I remember who they are, so I just never say anything when I see them. I’ve had a few crushes on guys, but they all ended poorly. Well, they didn’t go anywhere, so they couldn’t have actually ended poorly if they never even began. There was one guy I liked and I told him. He said: “I don’t like you back,” which stung. I questioned my appearance for weeks. I even got drunk and sobbed about it. There was another guy I swapped phone numbers with, and then I texted and he never replied. There was another guy who flirted with me, and then he said, “I have to get my girlfriend a gift…”

I’ve been bummed and I don’t know what to do. I know I’m young and probably shouldn’t be worrying too much about guys, but it’s hard when every other girl in high school is dating and hanging out/making friends except you. You start to question what it is about you that is so unlikeable. – Sad, Lonely Girl

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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

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