Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

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This week in the forums we’re discussing:

Girls vs. women

He’s says he’s not sure he sees long-term with me..?

Feel disrespected by husband’s ex

How do you handle arguments and reconnecting afterward?

My baby slept through the night!

Ex-Wife or Me?

Anyone going on awesome dates?

Weight loss/get in shape thread?

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

Wife is going on a cruise with ex-boyfriend

Online date disappeared

“Should I Cancel My Wedding?”

Follow along on Facebook and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

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oven-panko-flounder

In our household, I am the default cook — something that seemed far more reasonable and manageable before we had two children, each with his or her particular dietary quirks (basically, I have one child who would like nothing but pork all ways, always, and broccoli, and another child — and I won’t name any names but his initials are JCC — who will only eat chicken nuggets, scrambled eggs, hot dogs, and pizza). We are insanely lucky (especially by New York standards) in that Drew is usually home by 5:00, which means we get to eat dinner together as a family almost every night. This is great, and it’s something that, if you’re able to accomplish, I highly recommend. It means we have time to talk together about our day, discuss current events (in kid-friendly language: “Donald Trump is a dumb-dumb.”), and slow down for fifteen or twenty minutes — as much as you can, anyway, with a 5-year-old and a 1-year-old — and just be.

But it also means I’m on the hook to prepare a family meal by 5:30 almost every night of the week — something I can hopefully coax Jackson into at least trying (our rule is he doesn’t have to finish what I’ve made, but he does have to take a few bites, and dessert is only guaranteed if he eats more than half of what’s on his plate) and which can be made in the twenty minutes of time I usually have between the time I come home from the playground or whatever activity and the time when everyone’s blood sugar suddenly plummets in unison and food, in whatever form, must be offered immediately. These are a few of my go-to meals that accomplish this:
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Promote Your Stuff!

il_570xn-1040957348_elkxAs you know, Dear Wendy readers are the smartest, most creative, and most interesting people on the internet (true story). From rocket scientists to professors, employment attorneys to artisans, set designers to super moms (and dads): you do it all. So I thought it would be fun to invite you to share links to your projects (etsy shops, podcasts, blogs, photography sites, Instagram feeds, etc.). Even if you don’t have anything to promote, feel free to share something interesting about yourself or maybe a project you’ve been thinking about starting but need a little extra motivation to get off the ground. The image I used with this post is from Portia’s Etsy shop. Portia is a longtime reader and supporter of DW. In addition to being a super-smart linguist, she makes some cool pottery you should check out.

Your turn.

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My in-laws live overseas and they visit us one to two times per year. We used to visit them each year until we had a baby a few years ago and now they come to us. When we visit them, we stay in their big house in the country. When they visit us in the city, they book an Airbnb.

However, last year they couldn’t afford an Airbnb and so they stayed with us in our small two-bedroom apartment for two weeks. I love my in-laws, but I wasn’t comfortable with their sleeping over because: 1. We have a tiny apt, an active toddler, and one bathroom; 2. It’s a long stay for overnight guests; 3. My MIL is a massive chain smoker and the apt REEKS of cigarettes when she comes. (Even though she doesn’t smoke in the house, it took a long time to air out the apartment after the two week visit.); 4. My MIL doesn’t wash her hands after using the bathroom, and then she goes into the kitchen and starts cooking dinner.

I acknowledge that #3 and #4 also occur when we visit them in their house (except my MIL smokes in her own home) AND would occur even if they had an AirBnB — but much more so if they stay over.

We have a language barrier between us, so there’s potential for hurt feelings or miscommunication. My husband always presents us as a unified front (and his mom’s hygiene bothers him too). So, yup, that includes reminding his mother to wash her hands after going number two and then going into the kitchen. (Reminders don’t work, by the way.)

I can see how it’s offensive to confront someone about her hygiene, but I also think being a little cleaner than usual is a courtesy when you’re someone’s guest. And as a parent, I wouldn’t want to stay with a young couple with a child for two weeks because I would feel I was imposing.

This year my in-laws can again only afford plane tickets but not an AirBnB. I don’t want to deny them time with their granddaughter and we can’t fly to them. Should I put up with this seemingly new tradition going forward? The upsides are that their visits are once a year, I truly enjoy their company, I want to make my husband happy, and they pay for our plane tickets to their home country when we stay with them, so I feel selfish for being reluctant to return the favor. Am I being selfish or unreasonable? I’m struggling with my feelings, so I’m open to any insight, good or bad! — Bad Daughter-in-Law?

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DW HIS TAKE LOGOHis Take questions are answered by our panel of smart, opinionated, and funny dudes.

I am recently separated from a long-dead marriage of eighteen years. I met a man online about three months ago. The attraction was instant and intense, and we ended up at his place after our first date. We had the best sex I have ever had. I continues seeing him, and after a while, we turned into more of a FWB situation, which was great, except that I wanted more than that and he was in no position to give it to me because he works about one hundred hours a week (being a big important executive). So, after a month, I broke it off and tried to move on. Then I started missing the sex. I decided that, being the strong-willed, mature woman that I am, I could handle a situation where no feelings were involved as long as I was getting regular satisfaction.

For awhile, everything was great — I was leaving my feelings in the past and getting sheet-tearing orgasms on the regular. But now, I have met another man that I am actually building a friendship with before we jump into bed. But, I’m still sleeping with the first one. The sex is so passionate that I cannot tell him no. I told him that I was seeing another guy and, while he had a few questions, he didn’t seem to be bothered. Since I let him know about the other guy, he’s now asking about my personal life, he tried to help me when I lost my job, he makes sure I know he’s there for me, he returns text messages instantly (whereas before it sometimes took a week), and, most recently, he didn’t want me to leave when I went to “see” him and so I slept in his arms all night.

I’m so confused. He’s the one I really want. But I’m afraid that if I confront him, he will be defensive and tell me what he used to tell me: “I can’t give you what you need right now.” On the other hand, the relationship with the second guy is progressing and I’m starting to feel a little guilty. If it weren’t for the first guy, the second guy definitely would have won my heart by now. He’s great too. Help! — Wanting the Passionate One

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