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This week in the forums we’re discussing:

Hillary Clinton is running for president

Confused about my boyfriend’s ex

Books before marriage

I’m straight but I like a girl what should I do?

Can we talk about maternity and nursing stuff?

Overthinker or very unsure?

Let’s talk about changing last names

Roommate is a Problem!

“Am I a nag or does my boyfriend have a drinking problem”

Having second thoughts about wedding


Denver — late April?

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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

I just got done reading your column, “My Boyfriend Has Remained Close to His Ex’s Daughter.” I have a very similar problem; however, the girl in question is 17 years old. My boyfriend and I have been together for four years now, and two years ago we began picking her up so she could spend time with his three children, who are her half-siblings (through her mother). My boyfriend had not taken any interest in spending time with her or picking her up in the first two years we were together; he had the opportunity eight years ago to take custody of the girl when he took custody of his own children. However, since her mother had told him he was not the father, he refused to take her. But two years ago his brother told him that he thought the girl favored their sister, and, since then, my boyfriend has taken on a relationship with her that I feel is inappropriate.

She told him that she wants daddy date time so he takes weekends off from our relationship to spend with her. I have allowed him to bring her to my house for weekends with us for the last two years, yet she wants time with him without me and he is allowing it. She is always hugging him, kissing him on the mouth, and taking photos of them hugging, and, when he is lying down, she crawls up on his bed, lies next to him, and puts her arms and legs over him. I have tried several times to talk to him about the situation and each time we end up in a huge fight; he feels I am being unreasonable and selfish. I feel this is inappropriate and it is very uncomfortable for me. I have asked him to take a DNA test, yet he refuses out of fear that she may really be his and that he won’t be able to handle the guilt if she is. I don’t know how to handle it anymore. Any advice? — Uncomfortable With His Sudden Daddy’s Girl

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canstockphoto24002020This article posted on you.beauty the other day got me thinking about what beauty/grooming secrets I and other women might keep from our partners. I admit, I’m pretty lax in my relationship in regard to keeping up some sort of “feminine mystique.” After your husband sees you in labor, blood and fluid and vomit and whatever else gushing out of various orifices (for the record, I’m pretty sure I didn’t poop, but still), any mystique — and with it, modesty or humility — that might have remained after years of living together is basically obliterated.

Still, there are a few little beauty/grooming things I like to, if not exactly keep secret, at least tend to privately, with the door closed. Things like: hair removal, particularly chin whiskers — which, oh my God, when I’m pregnant, isn’t so much “chin whiskers” as it is a whole fucking face full of facial fur; applying makeup (like, of course, Drew sees me bare-faced all the time, as well as with makeup on and I’m fine with both; it’s just the process of getting from Point A to Point B that I prefer keeping to myself); and trimming toenails (I mean, no one needs to see that). What about you? What beauty/grooming secrets, if any, do you keep from your partner? And has your secrecy/modesty changed at all over the course of your relationship?


Much money 07

My husband and I have recently started saving for a home (we currently live in an apartment) which means we’re now clamping down on our budget. While we were able to agree on most things, there is one area where we definitely do not see eye to eye. I had suggested that we set a “per family member” amount to spend on birthday gifts for immediate family (e.g. $40-60 per person). Anything spent above that amount would need to come out of our personal “fun money” stash (we each give ourselves $150 per paycheck). He, however, thinks it’s fair to set a “per family” amount, to be distributed evenly over the members of that family. There is one problem with this: I have four siblings, and he only has one. With this arrangement, each of my siblings would get a $20 gift, while his brother would get an $80 gift.

My husband heatedly argued that it’s not fair that I “get to spend so much more of our money” on my family. But in my mind, now that we are married we both share one big combined family. And by using his arrangement we are saying his brother is worth more and deserves nicer gifts than my siblings. On a side note, I actually constantly get the feeling from him that my family members as well as my friends aren’t ever as good or as important as his. He always has something negative to say about each of them, and, while one of his friends can drop by and spend the night on our couch without it ever being mentioned to me, it can turn into a huge heated debate if I even ask to have one of my friends over. It’s really starting to hurt my feelings and my self-esteem.

Am I out of line here? Is it selfish to want to spend the same amount on each of my siblings as he does on his, when I have four times as many? Or is he being unfair by segregating our families like this? Help! — Our Families Our Worth the Same

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This post has been sponsored by Kinetic Content.