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My ex dumped me about three months ago. Within a month, I started seeing another girl who understood and respected my situation, and we have taken things slowly. (I’m 29 and she is 27, fyi.) All my friends and family thought it was way too fast to find someone else, but I have a connection with her. We are now officially together and I’m extremely happy.

We both live at our respective parents’ houses, and while her parents have been nothing but welcoming, my parents don’t want to involve themselves — or see anyone else in my family involved — with my current girlfriend. I asked if she could come to our family Christmas celebration, and my mum said it would be weird because she and my dad have only met her once (this being because they didn’t want to meet her earlier because it was “too soon”). I don’t think it’s asking too much that my girlfriend be included in my family’s Christmas, and why should I not be able to see her from morning til night on such a special day? If I don’t go to Christmas lunch, I’m an asshole according my family, but my mum doesn’t understand that I love my girlfriend so much that she feels like family to me now, too.

The fact that no one else close to me wants to share my happiness in finding someone new just makes my heart ache. What should I do? — Must Spend Christmas With My Girlfriend

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My boyfriend, Rick, and I are having a disagreement about engagement rings that I hope you can help with. Rick’s ex-wife, since their divorce four years ago, has pawned her engagement ring because she “needed” the money, despite everything she got from their divorce settlement. Rick is very disappointed because he spent a lot of money on the ring and because he thought she would have given that ring to their oldest child and only daughter. Now he wants to get me a ring and get married, despite the fact that it is very early in our relationship, but we disagree on what to do with the ring after I die or if we break up.

Rick has asked if I would consider giving the ring to his daughter since her mother sold her ring. He said because he would be the one to give me the ring, this would be fair. I have three kids myself — one daughter and two sons — but Rick’s argument is that my daughter would probably get my ring that her Dad gave me. But that’s not necessarily true. Yes, she is my only daughter; however, she is the youngest and another tradition for many families is for the oldest boy to get the mother’s ring when he is ready to propose to his girl. Rick claims that my son’s girl is not going to want my ring, but I don’t think that’s necessarily true either. At any rate, I believe that a ring of mine would mean more to my son’s hypothetical fiancé than to Rick’s daughter, and Rick admitted that the ring would probably only be of interest to his daughter for monetary purposes.

Since this ring — that I don’t even have yet and may not want after all this — would be my ring, it would be of sentimental value to my kids, given that I probably would, in a marriage that went well, be wearing it up until the day I died. I’m having a hard time committing to leaving my ring to his kids, just because HE would have bought it for me, knowing upfront that it would be sold. My only comment right now has been to say that I don’t buy something for someone based on who’s going to get it when he or she dies. Also, Rick’s daughter’s not getting her mother’s ring because the mother sold it isn’t my problem.

Do you think it’s a fair and realistic expectation on Rick’s part that I agree to give my engagement ring to his daughter upon my death even though it would be of more sentimental value to my kids?

While we are on the topic of rings, Rick and I also had a discussion about who gets the ring if the marriage does not take place. I said that if I call off the engagement, he gets the ring back, and if he calls it off, I keep it. He says he should get it back no matter who calls it off. What is the proper ring etiquette in a break-up of an engagement?

Honestly, all of this talk about what happens to a ring I do not have yet sours the thought of a ring at all. Any advice or opinion you can give me is greatly appreciated. — Whose Ring Is It Anyway?

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TGIF! Drew’s been going in to work at 4 AM all week and, after spending five days in a row doing the morning routine all by myself, which includes feeding and dressing a 4-year-old and a 4-month-old, as well as caring for two cats, and doing all the other morning chores that have to get done, I have even more respect for single parents who do this all the time, morning and night. Also, I think I earned a margarita this evening (I say that as if I haven’t been drinking a shot or two of whiskey every night this week…).

And can you believe Thanksgiving is a few days away (for us Americans, anyway)? And then Hanukkah and then Christmas and then it’ll be 2016. I mean, what??

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got today. Mama’s mad tired and I might try to sneak in a nap before it’s time to go pick up Jackson from school. Joanie’s falling asleep right now and I’m down in 3-2-1…

Have a great weekend! Oh, and hey, would you do me a favor and ‘like’ me on Facebook if you haven’t yet? Gracias!



Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

See how this creative long distance couple stays connected across the miles.

Ever wonder what it’s like to be a professional cuddler?

Want to know which state has the highest number of bridesmaids in its weddings every year? [Hint: think South].

Related: “Offline, D.I.Y. Weddings Aren’t So Picture Perfect”

Isn’t it a little rude to get a text from a woman you’ve been dating for two weeks and not even acknowledge it? How hard can it be to fire off a blushing smiley emoji or a four-word answer? He didn’t even need to reciprocate the sexual innuendo (though it would have been appreciated). He could have just said, “Nice.”

(Scrap that. “Nice” would have been way worse. If he had texted “Nice,” I would have thrown myself into the sea.)

— “The Five Stages of Ghosting Grief”

This comic, by DW reader Cherlyn, nails what life is like post-heartbreak.

These Four Relationship Patterns Determine If Your Relationship Will Last

And some of you thought you had bad dates: Woman Shuts Down Dude Who Demanded $5 Back For Coffee Date

Roughly 133 billion pounds of food go uneaten each year in the U.S. (and how much of it do you think will be discarded next week, after Thanksgiving??); this filmmaking couple from Canada vowed to eat only discarded food for six months, and then they made a film about it, ‘Just Eat It,’ which is now available on demand online.

So much to say about recent attacks against humanity, including last week’s horror in Paris, and the various reaction, both in the US and elsewhere. So much to say and I’m probably not the right person nor is this the right venue to say much about it, but in light of all the Americans and our governors declaring refugees unwelcome in our country, I want to at least link to these heartbreaking photos of where Syrian refugee children sleep.

Related: “They might have guns, but we have flowers.”

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

Follow along on Facebook, and Instagram.



My boyfriend and I have been together for only a year, but we were both really in love from the very beginning. He treats me well and I am very thoughtful with him too. Recently, he confessed he has a foot fetish, and I told him that it’s pretty normal and that it doesn’t bother me at all. I was very supportive and told him that he shouldn’t have been ashamed of that.

A few days ago, I had to use dropbox on his computer and it automatically opened his account. A folder with a weird name caught my attention so I clicked and didn’t even know how to feel with what I found. It was a folder with at least 25 different images of my feet, pictures he took without my consent while I was sleeping. There were also two or three videos of him massaging my feet. It made me uncomfortable to know that I was being filmed while sleeping. Also, the pictures were full close-ups, so I felt like it didn’t matter that it was MY feet; he just wanted feet. There was not even one picture of my face … but who knows if I would’ve find that even creepier.

He has low self-esteem and depression, so I couldn’t confront him about it without thinking it through first. I checked and the date of those videos was before he confessed his fetish, so I figured he only confessed because he was ashamed. I talked with him, asked for an explanation, he was very sorry about it, I asked him to delete those pictures, and he did. In the end, I forgave him, but now I’m wondering if this is something I shouldn’t forgive so easily? I think I might have some resentment towards him now. I felt somehow abused, but I can’t think of a way that we can completely close this chapter. Help? — Feeling Defeated

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