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wedding invitation

My husband and I have been married for five years now. I was not a mistress or an affair that caused the split from his first wife. Their marriage had been over for years; my husband stayed in the marriage because of their children despite the problems and his being unhappy.

He has two children, both grown. It has not been a an easy relationship with them, especially the daughter. But over the last two years she’s accepted our relationship and sees that I love her dad. She has recently met a man and is serious in her own relationship. She has brought him over to meet both of us; he is a great guy and we are both happy for her. She has become pregnant and they are planning on marriage. Our relationship (daughters and mine) has grown: They come over for dinners and to swim in the pool with their friends, and the pregnant daughter even gave me a Mother’s Day card and gift, with a message stating that, yes, our relationship has been rocky but let’s be friends. I was so happy.

Over the last month or two, I’ve learned about plans for the wedding and that it’s to be very small and that only Dad and Mom will be there. At least that’s what I’ve been told, not by daughter but by Dad. So, as you could imagine, I was really hurt and torn that I was being excluded. Dad and I talked about it, and I expressed my feelings and hurt. Long story short, Dad made the choice not to attend the wedding and to stand by me since he felt that I should have been included.

So, again as you can imagine, the daughter now hates me and now we have the ex-wife telling us how wrong we both are and that Dad will now be excluded from all in his daughter’s future. I even tried to reach out to the daughter to ask why and her thoughts and, most importantly, tell her that I thought we had grown closer and I didn’t understand why she was doing this.

Come to find out, I had been lied to all along about the wedding and their plans because her mother still hasn’t gotten over my relationship with her dad and didn’t want me there. Now the daughter doesn’t want anything to do with either Dad or, especially, me. And this is all my fault. I’m extremely hurt, confused, and deeply sad for my husband.

Was I wrong and what advice can you give me to maybe make it better? — Hurt To Be Excluded

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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

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This week in the forums we’re discussing:

“Should I Give Him Another Chance?”

Missing Fiance and My Household

Making New Friends

Invitro/adoption

I’m the crazy ex girlfriend and it hurts

My BFF’s husband

Online Dating: Advice for Beginners

“My Boyfriend is a Lazy Liar!”

“What happened to you?” (That you don’t want kids)

Bachelorette party indecision

Epic dating thread

Weight loss/get in shape thread?

Follow along on Facebook and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

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This weekend Drew and I are getting away alone together for the first time in well over a year and a half. We took a handful of overnight trips alone together in the years after we had Jackson but before Joanie was born and found that even 30 hours away helped us reconnect and remember why we fell in love with each other in the first place. When you have little kids, it’s a challenge to maintain that connection in the midst of the grueling and exhausting work of parenthood, but it’s so important.

Getting away for a weekend is a big splurge for us — we don’t have family nearby enough to leave the kids with, so we have our longtime babysitter, whom we love and trust, stay with them, and, while we know the kids are in great care, that doesn’t come cheap. Add to that the transportation cost (we don’t have our own car), and lodging cost, and suddenly a day and half trip is costing what we would have spent on a multi-day vacation pre-kids. But it’s worth it, and, obviously, we don’t do it all the time. (This trip in particular is a special occasion because we’re celebrating my birthday a little early; in the future, we hope to get away for an overnight trip maybe twice a year.) A few other ways that we work on maintaining our relationship through these early parenthood years:
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Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton arrives at Des Moines International Airport in Des Moines, Wednesday, Aug. 10, 2016. Clinton is in town to tour Raygun, a printing, design and clothing company and attend a campaign rally. (AP Photo/Andrew Harnik)

Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton arrives at Des Moines International Airport in Des Moines, Wednesday, Aug. 10, 2016. Clinton is in town to tour Raygun, a printing, design and clothing company and attend a campaign rally. (AP Photo/Andrew Harnik)

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

The Era of ‘The Bitch’ Is Coming: A Hillary Clinton presidential victory promises to usher in a new age of public misogyny.

Amy Schumer Exposes Why Some People Stay in Abusive Relationships

Yuck: White Male Privilege Is Why We Laugh At Lochte And Vilify Douglas

Time Bombs: Relationships With an Expiration Date. ‘There’s less pressure and less of a sense of obligation, but sometimes it’s lonelier than dating ever was.’

It has not, by any measure, been a Summer of Love; more like a Summer of Anxiety, Fear and Hate. It would be facile to respond to recent events — political upheaval, mass murder, police violence and festering racism — with a call to “love.” But in extreme times, it’s worth considering: Can love (as we know it) act as a radical force rather than a distraction? Does our current idea of love need revision? Is there a new kind of love emerging in new social movements, one that works against the narrow kind of love fostered by capitalism?

— Love. Labor. Lost.

Why I Got a Double Mastectomy to Feel More Like My True Myself

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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