Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy
I have been divorced for five and a half years, and I have two kids with my ex, a 10-year-old boy and an 8-year-old girl. I have been dating this guy now for four years, and he’s been living with us. In the last year, his jealousy for my ex has completely blown out of proportion. He doesn’t like that I have a good relationship with my ex and feels that I am only on good terms because my ex has me trained to do him favors. For example, last weekend was my ex’s weekend with the kids, but we were at my daughter’s hockey game and my ex wasn’t feeling well, so he asked me if I could take my daughter after the game for an hour and a half until our next hockey game. I said sure, absolutely no problem, but when I told my boyfriend this, he was upset that, first of all, I didn’t get his approval. I don’t think I need his permission to take my kids at any time that I’m asked, and I believe that having a good relationship with my ex is very beneficial for my kids. I want them to see that we are able to have a good relationship even though we’re no longer together, and I’m sure they will appreciate that when they are older.

I guess what I’m feeling is that my boyfriend wants to be involved in decisions that I believe, as my children’s mother, I should be making without him, and that he wants to be involved in a controlling way. Now, don’t get me wrong: If my ex asked me for three weeks from now to take the kids on a Friday night because he had an event planned, then I would say that I would have to look at my schedule first and then, if I didn’t have anything planned, I would switch weekends with him. But my boyfriend has the mindset that I’m just constantly doing whatever my ex wants when I think that the relationship is give and take and, if I want favors, I need to give favors too. This last weekend was the last straw for him, and he grabbed his stuff and moved out, saying that, basically, if I’m not willing to let him be part of the decision-making, then he can’t be with me. I just want to know if I am incorrect or even crazy to think the way I do. What is the right thing here? — A Desperate Mom

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This week in the forums, we’re discussing:

Can we not invite a parent’s affair partner to wedding?

Who was at fault for this argument and why?

Guilt/Bitterness regarding privilege with partner

How to be Zen when your family is bigoted AF

My boyfriend has issues and is the reason we are in an unhealthy relationship

Facebook TMI

Unwanted guest problems!!

Am I incompatible with relationships?

Not invited to husband’s daughter’s wedding

Unstable coworker

Read any good books lately?

Anyone going on awesome dates?

Instant Pot

Oh, and in case you didn’t know: I’m full of shit, apparently

Follow along on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].

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Wendy’s Weekly Picks,” is a feature in which I highlight stuff I like or recommend in the worlds of fashion, gift ideas, home decor, makeup, websites, entertainment, and recipes. Of course, ​much​ of the stuff I link to will be affiliate products, which means I’ll receive a commission on any click-throughs or purchases you make through the affiliate links. As always, I appreciate your support! Here are my favorite finds this week:

I checked this book out of the library over the weekend, not knowing anything about it exceptthat it was a memoir in essay form, it was brand new, and it was well-reviewed. Turns out it’s written by a woman who moved around every couple of years growing up, lacked a clear career path in her 20s, and is the mother of a child with autism — some of which I can really relate to. That it’s incredibly moving and well-written is such a treat. I burst into tears in the first chapter. And I’m not even PMS-ing.

Beauty bloggers have been talking about jade rollers for a couple years now, but I’m not a beauty blogger and I’m only joining the bandwagon in 2018, so sue me. If you don’t know, a jade roller is an ancient Chinese beauty tool that looks a little like a mini paint roller and massages the facial muscles with a rounded jade stone. The coolness of the stone feels great on tired skin, and the massage ritual improves circulation as well as collagen production, reduces puffiness, releases toxins, and even skin tones. It’s also pretty relaxing. Jade is also thought to have healing properties that help balance chi and ward off negativity. There are lots of different jade rollers on the market, at different price points, but this is a great mid-range one that gets the job done.

I was looking for a candle that would make guests comment on how great our place smelled the minute they walked in the door. So last week I bought this candle, made right here in Brooklyn, and two days later a friend came over and, as soon as she walked in the door, commented on how great the place smelled. The next day it happened again. Billed as a “broody, full-bodied fragrance of charcoal, with notes of cedar, sandalwood, amber, patchouli, and smoke,” this candle is the total bomb.

Continuing with the charcoal theme, as well as the theme of jumping on bandwagons that beauty bloggers jumped on eons ago: I’ve been really enjoying charcoal masks lately. I asked my esthetician friend — who, if you live in Chicago, you MUST go visit for a facial or other skin or beauty treatment because she’s amazing — and she recommends this brand. She says to put these masks back in their serum solutions and reuse because they’re pricey and you’re using them on clean skin anyway, so there’s no reason to throw them out after one use and waste the precious active ingredients.

Come on, how cute is this leather wallet-purse? I love it for spring (which is only a few weeks away, guys!).

Have you heard of the app Marco Polo? It’s sort of a combination of FaceTime, Snapchat, texting, and walkie talkies, and it’s pretty awesome. Basically, you use it to make short videos that you can immediately send to friends like a text, to which they can immediately respond. And there are fun image and vocal filters you can use. It’s a great alternative to other means of keeping in touch, especially for those of us who get tired of texting, and don’t like the pressure of sustained conversations that phone calls and even Facetime (or Skype) demand. Plus, the “macho” voice filter is pretty great.

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I have been dating my fiancé for three years now and I love him. We met in college and we are very compatible. I’m finishing up my Master’s degree in business and he is planning on attending pharmacy school in August 2018. His pharmacy school is on the other side of the country. We want to get married before he starts school. However, I have received so much pushback from my mom, dad, and grandma. They all think it’s ridiculous to get married before I am out of school and working full-time, especially since I am job searching in another state. My fiancé has been planning to propose to me for over a year, but when I broke the news to my mom about our upcoming marriage, she accused me of being pregnant and being stupid.

I am very hurt and upset because I have not gotten any support. It feels like I’m being torn — if I choose him, I lose my family, but if I choose my family, I lose him. This situation has caused me so much physical and emotional stress. I don’t know what to do. — Feeling Torn Between Boyfriend and Family

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My close girl friend gave me a gold bracelet for Christmas, and when I showed it to my boyfriend, he commented that it was pretty and he then said: “I hope you won’t feel bad, but I want to buy Lily a gold bracelet, too.” Lily is my 7-year-old niece whom he’s met only once when we visited my sister a year ago. He finds her really pretty. I just find it weird that out of nowhere he would suddenly think of buying her something when he’s never bought something like that for me and didn’t even remember to give me something for my birthday (I’m not really after material things). Do you think this is anything abnormal or should I just be okay with it? — A Little Concerned

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