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Today is my sixth wedding anniversary. Happy anniversary, Drew! Six years have come and gone so fast; it truly feels like a few months ago we were tying the knot and now look at us, two kids and lots of gray hair (Drew) later. Our friend Mary babysat for us last night — our first post-Joanie evening out — and we celebrated a day early with our traditional cocktails and oysters (two years in a row makes it a tradition, right?), followed by dinner al fresco at a favorite neighborhood restaurant. (And I did wear this new top).

When we were at the bar getting drinks, there was a group of new parents gathering at the two tables next to us, all with babies around three months old (babies in bars is a Brooklyn thing). We could tell they were clearly first-time parents because of the sheer terror still visible in their faces. Also, none of them had gone gray yet. As we sat and overheard snippets of their conversations — sleep, teething, and nap schedules being the leading themes — I felt so relieved to be parents of a second baby and not a first. Having your first baby is hard as shit. In addition to being exhausting, it’s totally scary because you have no experience and no perspective. The second baby is still completely exhausting — more so, really, because you have to balance the needs of your older child and manage his/her jealousy — but you have the benefit of having some idea what you’re doing as well as knowing that all of this, for better or worse, is going to pass quickly. The first time around, it’s hard to believe that your life isn’t forever stuck at each stage of your kid’s development — that things will, indeed, change and you will sleep again (sort of. eventually. it’s never really the same though) and have conversations with other adults that don’t center around nipple cream and diaper sizes. Having the perception we have now has made the newborn experience much more enjoyable so far.

Anyway, ciao for now and have a lovely weekend! Oh, and don’t forget that today is National Tequila Day! Also, if you’re in the mood to shop, Bloomingdales is having a massive sale this weekend (take $20 off every $50 you spend with code SUNSHINE). I LOVE this dress (it’s pricey, but with the sale, it’s not too bad for a special occasion), and these on-trend jeans, super cute wedges for fall, and I personally think these sandals are hideous but I must be alone in thinking that because I see them everywhere; these are much cuter if you ask me; and I love these beach towels.



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30FINDINGS-master675
Andrew Rae for the New York Times

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

“For Couples, Time Can Upend the Laws of Attraction”

“The best age to get married if you don’t want to get divorced” [via Washington Post]

“Why Lonely People Stay Lonely” [via NYMag]

“Lena Dunham, Amy Schumer, and Other Comedic Actresses Talk Sexism, Salary, and More” [via Makers]

“The House That Saved Their Marriage” [via Wall Street Journal]

“The Best Books of 2015 (So Far)” [via Vulture]

So sweet: “Their Love Affair Began With Secret Pickles, and Survived a War” [via NYTimes]

“Study Finds That Online Harassers Really Are Losers” [via IFL Science]

“When Prosecutors Believe the Unbelievable: A man is finally freed, but that doesn’t mean the system worked” [via Slate]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web that you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.

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f6bcc401800ae05873e4a6ce1d0b5de3_bestWendy’s Weekly Picks,” is a feature in which I highlight stuff I like or recommend in the worlds of fashion, gift ideas, home decor, makeup, websites, entertainment, and recipes. Of course, much of the stuff I link to will be affiliate products, which means I’ll receive a commission on any click-throughs or purchases you make through the affiliate links. As always, I appreciate your support! Here are my favorite finds this week:

 

barkThins: possibly the best thing ever (Toasted coconut with almonds is my favorite), second only to the whole month of May, and, ok, top shelf tequila. (By the way, tomorrow is national tequila day. Here’s my recipe for pomegranate margaritas, one of my favorite tequila cocktails). Look for barkThins in your local grocery store or Target or on Amazon (though they’re really marked up on Amazon for some reason).

Anthropologie is having sale on sale items (get an additional 20% off with code SALEAWAY). I bought this shirt in two colors (pink and the black motif) and I’m debating getting it in a third color (maybe red motif). The patterns are so pretty and I love the long, flowy, breezy fit, especially over my postpartum belly (and I like the way it looks tucked in in the front to show off a more fit shape). And I also got this, which I love, for, like, maybe a night out with Drew if we ever go out again. Other sale picks: this sun hat; this beautiful silk dress; and this gorgeous pencil skirt.

Two new movies I watched recently and loved: “Wolfpack” and “Tig”. The former is a documentary about six brothers who grew up on the Lower East Side of Manhattan and were almost never allowed to leave their apartment. They sought escape in the thousands of movies their father recorded or brought home for them to watch. The latter film is another doc, this one about stand-up comedian Tig Notaro and how she found the humor and silver lining in her terminal cancer diagnosis. Both: really good!

Someone asked in the forums the other day for swimsuit recommendations for big-chested gals, and, being a big-chested gal myself (you guys, my nursing boobs are a size F! As in WHAT THE EFF?), I have a couple suggestions for holding the girls in while looking cute on the beach. The first one is the suit I recommend every summer (because it’s a classic). I love it, it’s seriously the best. The other is a bikini which is surprisingly flattering on those of us with more mom-like bods.

Some of you have asked me where I got the robe I’m wearing in these photos. It was a gift from Drew (that he gave to me at the hospital when Joanie was born) and he got it at a store in Soho that doesn’t have an online retail shop. Here are a few great alternatives you can find online: this, this, this, this, and this one if you’re crazy rich (or just crazy).



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I remarried two years ago after a messy divorce. My new husband is really good to me: loving, calm, decent and all I wanted. We do have a problem though. When he goes to any party hosted by his children (he has four grown children), he can’t take me because the ex-wife is there and the kids are afraid she’ll throw a tantrum. Recently, his daughter came here to issue some invitations for a birthday party, and all the invitations she left had the names of husbands and wives in the family except for ours, which only had my husband’s name on it. It’s now eighteen years since my husband separated from is ex-wife, and he lived far away most of those years, so why only now is she going to throw a tantrum because of my existence? He had a serious relationship after her, and the children even visited them in another state. So why am I persona non grata?

One of my husband’s sons won’t have anything to do with me, the other is keeping me at an arm’s length, his wife won’t accept me on Facebook, and the daughter is sooooooooo cold with me. I certainly don’t understand.

I asked my husband if he could please help somehow, but he said he cannot do anything because his ex is a sociopath who is probably going to ruin the parties if she sees me there. And he is terrified of losing the love of his children. I’m a good, loving woman who gives them presents and messages and receives nothing from them. Why would my presence make my husband’s children love him less? How can a woman who is separated from her man for eighteen years have such a hold on him and the family? — The Second Wife

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