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It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Engaged in a Gender Bender” whose fiancé confessed to her that he was “really considering a sex change.” “She wrote “I don’t want to lose my fiancé, and I’m afraid to tell him that it wouldn’t work with us on a romantic level after he changed because I know it’d break his heart. Should I even try to be with him in that way after?” Keep reading to see what has happened in the three years since the LW wrote in.
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CIRCLE ICON DW 0127145Calling all DWers in the tri-state area or DWers who will be visiting the NYC area this week: come join us for a DW meetup this Thursday at 6 PM. We’ll meet at the very centrally-located Ivy, located at 944 8th Ave. (at 56th St.). They have happy hour specials ’til 7, so you know we’ll be there at least that long. If the vibe is good and we’re still feeling happy after happy hour, we’ll stay there for dinner. Special guests include Addie Pray who will be in town for business. Other special guests include everyone else who will be in attendance (I’ll be there! Also, definite maybes and yeses from: Fabelle, TaraMonster, Sonia, TheRascal, rawkmys0cks, Casey, Coconot… and maybe YOU?). To inspire you, here are photos from past DW Meetups.



My wife and I were visiting our very good friends for a long weekend. We are all in our late 50s and have many common interests. I would say the husband is one of my best friends while I think my wife would not say the same about the other wife. They do get along very well, but the husbands are the strong bond in the relationship. We had several trips planned together over the next year or two. We also get together many weekends. We live about 8 hours apart.

After a day on the lake recently, we were on the porch enjoying cigars and several glasses of wine. At about 11:00 PM, I called it a night. From a sound sleep I was awakened by the other wife screaming, “I caught you both.” The wife caught my wife and her husband in an embrace. She called it a liplock. Later she said she was not sure about the liplock. My wife explained that everyone was extremely intoxicated and she went to give the other husband a hug good night (not unusual for us) and he went in for a kiss. She said she turned her head and it was on the cheek, but the other wife saw this. The women got into a huge name-calling argument. The other husband apologized several times, said he was embarrassed, etc. The women were another story. We left early the next morning.

While I am not happy, I know what alcohol can do. My wife insists this was a one-time occurrence and she did nothing wrong. I am not sure how I feel about this. Should I be mad? I know what alcohol can do. I feel I can forgive the husband, but my wife says she can never get over what the other wife said.

What should I do? It is a very fun relationship, especially at this stage in our lives. — I Know What Alcohol Can Do

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This is a photo from June when we took a trip to Missouri to visit my family. And as this post publishes, this is probably the scene again at this very moment. Jackson and I are en route back to Missouri to spend a long weekend with my parents. We’re scheduled to land before dinner. A few weeks ago over FaceTime, my mom said the two most magical of words in the world to Jackson and she said them together, making them even more powerful: train museum, and now, every morning when he wakes up, Jack says, “Going to see nana and papa in [however many days are left], gonna go to the TRAIN MUSEUM!” He feels the same way about trains and museums and TRAIN MUSEUMS as I do about champagne and beaches and CHAMPAGNE AT THE BEACH.

Anyway, I won’t be back to NYC until Tuesday evening, but I’ve got a few posts lined up and may have a little time while I’m away to do some work, so posting should be normal while I’m gone. But since I won’t be moderating comments as much, please play nice and all that jazz. I’m nominating, um, Captainswife to make sure everyone’s on good behavior. Are you up for the task, CW? I feel like you’re the woman for the job. If anyone gets outta line, you tell ‘em what’s what.

Also! The donation drive is going through the weekend. There’s still time to donate! It doesn’t look like we’ll get close to the original goal of $5000, but hitting $2500 would still mean most, if not all, the bills would be paid for the next six months and I could breathe a sigh of relief, even if there isn’t much cushion beyond that. I’ll just have to work extra hard to increase revenue elsewhere. So, can you help get the total to $2500? Any amount helps — a one-time donation of $5 or $10, or a recurring monthly $5 donation, all add up to help make a big difference. I know that for a lot of people this site is more than just a blog — it’s a community. It’s where you come to share good news or find support when things are shitty. Many of you have met in person, you’ve formed friendships both online and off. If that describes you — if you find value in visiting this site and can spare a few bucks, please consider showing your support and investing in the future of DW. Your donation will help keep the site going.

If you like this site — if it provides entertainment for you or emotional support or a way to just kill a little time during the long hours at your office job, and if you feel inclined and are able to, please consider donating here. For the price of a pumpkin latte or a fashion magazine, you can help ensure this site continues. Here’s where your donations go and what they help cover. If you do donate, be sure to include your mailing address in your notes section if you’d like to be added to my holiday gift list. Big thank you to everyone who has donated (70+ so far, in addition to nearly 60 people who are already recurring monthly donors!). I’m really touched and honored that so many of you care enough to invest in the future of the site. I’ve also gotten some really sweet and touching emails from people who aren’t able to donate now but wanted me to know what the site means to them. That kind of morale-boosting is priceless, especially with a labor-of-love project like this, and I thank you for taking the time to reach out.

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!


Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:


“It’s 2014: Why Are Men Still Paying for First Dates?” The disturbing implications of a long-standing expectation [via The Atlantic]

This is an interesting piece about blogging as a career for those of you who are interested in what it’s like. I’m not a DIY blogger like the people featured in the article, but much of their stories resonated with me. I think the main keys to blogging as a career and remaining happy doing it is to set low expectations about income (some people make great money, but it’s rare and it’s difficult to sustain longterm), work hard but don’t let work consume you, take internet breaks (even if it’s just for a few daytime hours), respect your readers but don’t put up with anyone’s bullshit just for the sake of traffic, and be careful about commodifying too much of your personal life (sharing is one thing, but when you’re literally banking on your private life to bring in traffic and ad revenue, things are bound to get messy). “When Blogging Becomes a Slog” [via NYTimes]

“10 Cities You Should Move to If You’re Single” [via PopSugar Love]

“25 Famous Women on Childlessness” [via NYMag]

After decades of declining marriage rates and changes in family structure, the share of American adults who have never been married is at an historic high. The dramatic rise of never-married adults is related to a variety of factors, including the increase of adults marrying later in life, adults cohabiting and raising children outside of marriage, shifting public attitudes, hard economic times and changing demographic patterns. “Record Share of Americans Have Never Married” [via Pew Research]

Charity Johnson enrolled in 10th grade at New Life Christian School in Longview, Texas, a few weeks before her 34th birthday … She wasn’t a con artist for money. She was a con artist for love. “Forever Young” [via Buzzfeed]

Meal time — often, the bane of my existence. I spend 12 hours a day corralling a wound up toddler and running what is essentially a small business and THEN I still have to plan and cook dinner for the family when all I want to do is collapse, its exhausting. “Home-cooked meals leaving working moms fried: Study” [via Chicago Tribune]

“I think it is right I am paid the same as my male counterparts. I think it is right that I should make decisions about my own body. I think it is right that women be involved on my behalf in the policies and decisions that affect my life. I think it is right that socially, I am afforded the same respect as men.” Emma Watson talked feminism to the UN.

“How Sugar Daddies Are Financing College Education” [via The Atlantic]

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Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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