New Here? Welcome! Dear Wendy is a relationship advice blog. You can peruse the archives here and read here. You can also follow along on Facebook,Twitter, and Instagram. If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.Thanks for visiting!
What a great day! SCOTUS legalized marriage equality for the whole country AND the new Nina Simone documentary is being released on Netflix (with a kickass soundtrack featuring the incomparable Lauryn Hill covering some of Nina’s biggest hits). Feeling good, indeed. Ooh, plus Drew and I got to see Lucinda Williams play Celebrate Brooklyn in Prospect Park last night (for free!), rounding out a two-day trifecta of awesomeness. Now, if I would just have a baby this weekend or next (I’m still 3+ weeks early, but I’m impatient and I’m READY!) and if we were to get good news next week about Jackson’s school situation (he’s on a waitlist for a pre-k spot at the school next door to us and waitlist offers start on Monday), I’d be the happiest lady around.
What’s new with you? What are you up to this weekend? What are you feeling good about?
Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to firstname.lastname@example.org and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!
My best friend of 20+ years has also been my roommate for the last 2.5 years. Last summer we met a really hot guy at the pool in our apartment complex. Upon meeting him, my friend had a love-at-first-sight reaction while I was mildly attracted to him at best. Since she was really into him, she asked for his number. From the summer months into the fall she got closer to him by inviting him over to our place for dinner occasionally and hanging out with him outside our place or over at his. I started to get attracted to him and enjoy his company but maintained my distance out of respect for my girl.
During the fall they went on a couple of dates and later hooked up twice. I, being friends with both of them, warned each of them that she gets emotionally attached quickly and that they should proceed with caution. After their second hookup he cut off contact with her and began to ignore her completely! She was understandably upset and told him off accordingly. He later told me she was catching feelings and that he didn’t feel the same for her. She said it was true she was in love with him. In an effort not to hurt her he decided to leave her alone.
Months passed by and he and I remained friends. We never went on a date and we maintained casual text conversations only occasionally. Then Valentine’s Day arrived. I partied really hard the night before as any awesome single girl would do, which resulted in a hangover. Since I didn’t have a Valentine, I spent the early evening recovering on our couch when, out of nowhere, I get a text invitation to come over to the neighbor’s place. I accepted because, after he and my friend called it quits, I made no effort to hide from my BFF that I wanted to sleep with the guy. My friend didn’t like that at all, but I told her that he is fair game especially since she told him to get out of her life. She confessed she still had feelings for him and that I was no friend if I hooked up with him knowing that she likes him. I disagreed.
He and I then hooked up and we really hit it off. He gave me the same speech he gave her about how he is emotionally unavailable. I accepted his proposal for a casual hookup situation because I am an emotionally unavailable woman. I thought having a FWB would be the perfect arrangement! I was so wrong…months into it he starts telling me he really likes me. I say, “Cool, I like you too.” What I failed to mention is that I continued to date several other men and hookup with some all while remaining casual with him. I figured his like for me was outpacing my like for him. I finally let him take me on a group date one night where he introduced me to his friends for the first time. Since we were just casual, I felt no reason to act like a potential girlfriend during the evening. I even hit on another man while we were out. New guy gave me his number and I promised to follow up.
My date must’ve seen me having a good time with the other man because he was noticeably upset during the car ride home. That’s when he decided to tell me he wants to have sex with my BFF again. I told him that was fine with me. However, I also made it clear that he would lose any sexual benefits from me by messing with my friend again but that he and I could remain friends, no hard feelings. He then said it would be disrespectful to me and that he wouldn’t do it after all.
Weeks later I found out that he’s still trying to have sex with her while trying to continue his FWB arrangement with me. I called foul on his game and told him to lose my number because I didn’t deserve to be treated that way. He countered by accusing me of catching feelings! I was angered by his arrogant assumption that I caught feelings for him and his audacity to hit on my friend after he had acknowledged the level of disrespect such a thing would be to me. What is this guy’s deal?!? What happened? I want our arrangement back as long as he’s willing to leave my friend alone. I don’t hit on his friends (at least to my knowledge). — Leave Me Friend Alone!
My girlfriend is planning to have a boudoir photo shoot, and, ordinarily, I wouldn’t have trouble, but the guy who will be taking pictures of my semi-nude girlfriend slept with her before we met and that bothers me. Is it wrong to tell her that it bothers me? I know she really wants to do this for herself, but I want her to hear my concerns. Every time the subject comes up, our discussions just turn into all-out yelling fights, and I’m sick and tired. I stay calm, but she just goes so berserk that I don’t even know how to react to these situations. — Uncomfortable with Girlfriend’s Boudoir Photographer