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Pregnancy test

I’m a junior in high school, and I got pregnant recently by my current boyfriend. We found out about three weeks ago. What I didn’t tell my boyfriend is that I had an abortion just a few days ago. He and his family begged me not to go through with it and, though I didn’t want to either, considering all the circumstances, it NEEDED to be done.

My boyfriend and I are both still in school (although he only has a year left of college). We had relationship issues a little while back because he got naked pictures from another girl when drunk and, before that, he also made out with another girl when drunk at a party. He lied at first about anything happening at the party, but eventually he told me the truth. And I caught him in the whole picture incident. He apologized and nothing has happened since. I honestly think he won’t mess up again, but he knows I don’t trust him much right now.

We are currently working on our trust issues, but we still aren’t ready for a baby. I’ve never lied to him until now when I lied about the abortion. I really love him, and I know he loves me. I told him I had miscarried and that the clinic did a D and C to remove the already-dead baby. I had to tell him something because he knew I had had a surgery appointment. I feel horrible for lying, though. Should I tell him the truth or not? I feel really guilty and I don’t want to lose him; I’m aware, though, that I may lose him for lying. So the big question: Do I tell him or not? — Lied About Abortion

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MarriageGeorge Clooney’s new wife, Amal Alamuddin, who is an accomplished woman in her mid-30s, took his last name when they married and some people were all, “Woah.” HuffPo even posted a poll this week asking readers what they really thought about women taking their husband’s name when they married. I thought it would be interesting to pose the same question to the DW audience, 80% of whom are female and 53% are between the ages of 25-44. The question isn’t whether YOU would or did take your husband’s name, but what you think about other women who do. And if you’d like to explain or expand on your response in the comments, please do.

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CIRCLE ICON DW 0127145This week in the forums, we’re discussing:

“All of My Daughter’s Friends Bailed on her 14th Birthday Party”

I wasn’t myself

Date Ideas?

“I’ve Been Faking it With My Husband”

This is awesome

Complicated Friendship with the Bride

Sexual Harassment or Just Funny?

Just a General Gripe/Observation – Re: Other Peoples’ Hobbies

What are the good parts of having kids?

MEETUPS:

Boston/NH/New England: Friday, Oct 24th

Follow along on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

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pinocchio

Two years ago I began dating a man with whom I get on extremely well. We took the relationship slowly even though we really liked each other from the start. He has a grown child from a relationship, and I have two teenagers still at home. We introduced each other to our children after six months of dating and everyone gets along well, so there are no conflicts there.

At the beginning of our relationship we shared our dating histories. He is 55 and I am 48. His background of never being married was a little worrisome to me because I wondered if he was a commitment-phobic person. He has been completely attentive and committed to me, so that doesn’t seem to be his problem. What is disturbing to me is that over the past few years I have learned that he lied to me about his dating history. He told me initially that he had never dated anyone beyond six months, but then I learned that he had dated one woman for ten years and another for two. He told me about a month-long trip to China that he took with a group and his daughter, when his daughter was a teenager. Later I learned that he took a girlfriend with them, too. That was after he had told me months before that it was just he and his daughter on the trip.

We never fight, but, on the two occasions when I confronted him about the lies, he got angry with me and stormed out of my house. Then he texted me from his car, stating that he was done with me. Later he returned to tell me he was sorry for behaving very immaturely and that he had over-reacted.

He is still friendly with his daughter’s mother, and each year his family gathers for Christmas and she is invited. I was invited the first year we dated, and the ex attended. It was uncomfortable for me because his daughter is now 26 and her mother has been remarried for 15 years!! When I told him it was uncomfortable for me, he said that he understood and that she (the ex) should not be included, but that it has just become tradition. The following year, he invited me and told me that the ex was coming. I said that I was uncomfortable since I believe that, by this point in our relationship, she should not be included in such intimate family gatherings. (The gathering takes place at his house). I did not give him an ultimatum but said that I just did not feel comfortable with it and elected not to attend. He said “ok.” After a few days, he decided to dis-invite her, but he used a lame excuse that had nothing to do with the real reason. Why could he not just tell her that it is no longer appropriate for her to be included – she is long married to someone else and I am his serious girlfriend? Her husband never comes to these things, and I believe he probably is uncomfortable about them, too.

I feel very torn. On one hand, this man is very attentive, loving, and committed to me. We get along beautifully. On the other hand, I feel like I am one in a long, long, LONG string of girlfriends. He assures me that I am “the one” and he believes we could be married “one day.” I wonder if I am being strung along and will fall to the wayside like 50+ women before me, or if he is sincere about marrying me.

Thoughts? — One in a Long String of Girlfriends

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CIRCLE ICON DW 0127145
There’s a Boston meetup planned for this Friday, October 24th, at 5:30pm (continuing throughout the evening so that those who want to join when they can don’t have to worry!) and Cask & Flagon in Fenway (62 Brookline Ave, Boston, MA 02215)

Feel free to respond in the forums or find taurons, the organizer, on twitter (twitter.com/atlimbo) if you need anything. We had so much fun at the last NYC meetup. Hope you guys in Boston have a great time too!

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