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Warning: the following column contains rape themes that may be a sensitive topic for some readers.

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Mad at Brother” whose brother blamed their sister for her marriage falling apart after her husband refused to believe she was sexually assaulted at a party. “I can’t believe he’s blaming our sister for what happened at the party and actively encouraging her husband to do the same. I’m mad that he’s not supporting our sister as she tries to own her mistakes and deal with the rape.” Keep reading to see how everyone is doing now.
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Recently, my girlfriend and I split up (amicably). Since then, I’ve written sweet notes to her, praying she’s alright and telling her how much I missed her and her son, and telling her we could fix our issues and move forward. I’ve never cursed at her before and still haven’t now. With old girlfriends, when they left, I would be angry. Not this time. I’ve been extremely sweet and so on.

She follows me on Instagram and has yet to delete all our pictures. She has told me she does that with her exes. She deletes the past. I’ve backed off still because I don’t want to feel needy and cast a shadow. But she’s actually arranged the photos so they are together — three in a row here and so on…it actually looks quite cute, with tag lines that say “how to make your girlfriend melt” and screen shots of my text messages. The pictures are of us kissing, holding hands, my band on stage with me singled out and so on.

My question: is she ready to stop this? We stopped speaking about nine days ago. I told her I would allow her some time for her to think. She’s never had pictures of her exes, and her pictures on Facebook and Instagram go back a number of years. She also has tagged posts on Facebook of sweet things I did up for her.

I want this girl back. I don’t want to analyze everything. I haven’t talked to her in days. But today I sent her sunflowers, because I would call her “sunflower.” The note attached said:

“My garden is empty without my sunflower.
I love you and I will wait.
If you only knew.

P.S. I miss my best friend.”

The only reason it said “if you only knew” is because, before I told her I loved her, I would whisper that in her ear. That was my way of saying it, without saying it. When she found out what it meant, she cried of happiness because she felt the same.

I don’t want her thinking I’ve forgotten her. Is she moving on? Or is she just stuck in a limbo? —Missing my Sunflower

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We went to a farm today in Queens — the oldest running farm in New York state, I think. We fed goats (and sheep and an alpaca). Now I’m tired, which has as much to do with chasing my little animal around the farm as it does with hitting the vino a little too hard last night with a friend of mine. And it wasn’t even that much wine — we split one bottle and then each had one additional glass. And that was over the course of like 3 1/2 hours. But I sure as shit was hungover this morning, which seems unnecessary, cruel world, if you ask me. This is 37, you guys.

Anyway, I will take this opportunity to wish you a Happy Easter or Passover or 4/20, if that’s your religious holiday of choice. We are participating in an Easter egg hunt tomorrow, and then on Easter Sunday our friend Mary, who is an amazing cook and an even better candy-maker (I can’t wait until she’s ready to start selling her stuff so everyone can try some), is having us over for an Easter lunch. Other than that, I hope to get some good rest this weekend. My seasonal allergies are kicking in and all I want to do at the moment is sleep, sleep, sleep. Good night.


Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

This Is What It Would Look Like If Girls Hit On Guys Like Guys Hit On Girls [above, via HuffPo]

Could this be our own Ramona?! “Pantless Woman Caught Shoplifting Wine”

“Study: A Snack Might Help Avoid a Help with a Spouse” [via AP]

“The Confidence Gap: Evidence shows that women are less self-assured than men—and that to succeed, confidence matters as much as competence. Here’s why, and what to do about it.” [The Atlantic]

“Moving for Love: The Modern Relationship Milestone” [via NY Mag]

“The myth of millennial inevitability” [via CNN]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
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