Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

Why Having a Best Friend Is Good for Your Health

Women are more likely to lose interest in sex than men in a longterm relationship

The (very surprising) reasons why women live longer

New study finds women who date less attractive men have better relationships

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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I am in my twenties, and four months ago I met a man, fifteen years older than I, who told me he was unhappy in his marriage and had tried leaving his wife before but didn’t because his daughters were too young. Now we both claim we have fallen in love, and he wants to get an apartment with me and eventually divorce his wife. All the meanwhile he’s still living with his wife. He says they’re just roommates and nothing more. Emotionally I’m a wreck because I miss him when we aren’t together. He asks me to give him time to leave her because he has a lot of assets and needs to prepare before the separation. I never planned for any of this and nether did he. We just got along so well and now have both fallen. What should I do now? Do I wait? He doesn’t want me dating anyone else and swears that, if he leaves her and then he and I don’t work out, he’ll hurt himself.

I care about him and I know I’m not ready to walk away, but I’m hurt and tired of sharing him. I just know he’s someone I can see myself with, but this living in a limbo for four months is becoming stressful and painful. — The Other Woman

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This column from the other day got me thinking about vacations with significant others and how, at least fairly early on, they have the power to make or break a relationship. The first significant trip I remember taking with Drew was when we went to China together in 2008. We’d been dating for over two years by then, and had lived together for almost a year, but other than a few little weekend getaways we had yet to travel-travel together. And this was a big trip! Two weeks traveling through China together where, if you aren’t careful, you can spend a significant time, um, in the bathroom. Fortunately, we were careful. We managed to avoid food poisoning and drinking contaminated water, but there was a little incident that, even years later, we simply have to utter one word about — “Pingyao” — to feel instantly relieved that, whatever crappy thing we may be dealing with, at least we are not there, in walled-in Pingyao, having simultaneous panic attacks on the floor of our ancient hotel room.
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My boyfriend and I have been together almost two years and living together almost a year and a half. We have been inseparable since our first date. We are both in our mid 40s. Our relationship is great, and we talk about plans and goals for the future and enjoy our daily life.

There is one thorn. His ex-girlfriend and her child (over 18) do not know about me, as my boyfriend confirmed when I broached the subject recently. I know the ex and my boyfriend text each other occasionally, maybe every few weeks or months. They never lived together, and they saw each other only on weekends because of distance (she lives over two hours away from us). I have never read their texts and don’t believe in snooping. My boyfriend did tell me, when we were first dating, that he was still friends with his ex and that she had a boyfriend then.

I know my boyfriend is not interested in getting back together with her. But what concerns me is that things have not worked out with her boyfriend, and I think she is interested in getting back together with my boyfriend. I wouldn’t mind his texting them to check in occasionally, but when I found out they don’t know about me — my boyfriend is not on any social media sites so there is no way for his ex to know about us that way — my whole perspective changed. Especially if she wants him back.

He says it’s my insecurities and jealousy that are the problem, but I said it is disrespectful and cruel to all three of us to hide our relationship. He says he is here every day for me, comes home to me, loves me, and cares for me. I am his only one. However, I can’t help but wonder, when he is sending a text, if it is to her. Is he sending to her that pic I took or meme joke I shared? It’s all consuming to me now. Am I wrong to feel this way? I would hate for this one thing to otherwise ruin a great relationship. How do I handle this? I hate confrontation. I hate drama. But this is eating away at me.— The Secret Girlfriend

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This week in the forums we’re discussing:

Is it OK to announce an engagement less than a week before a friends wedding?

Am I overreacting about my partner of 4 years?

“My Boyfriend is Having a Baby with Someone Else”

Confused on Ex GF mixed signals. Possible reconciliation

Ridiculously alone at 39

New Job & Feel Like Giving Up

After life changes, when do you start dating again?

Ex gf motive for contact after No Contact?

Schizophrenic needs help with picking a major

Anyone going on awesome dates?

This whole Trump situation just gets worse and worse everyday

Diet Motivation

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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at