Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.

My new boyfriend and I decided to get an apartment together. He has a one-year-old daughter with his ex. His ex is okay with me being around the baby and he kind of is, but he won’t let me pick her up or anything of that sort. We move in together in two weeks, and I feel like I’m not allowed to have a relationship with his child. For example, he was in the shower and she woke up crying, so I got her up and sat her on the bed with me, and I think he got mad because, when he went back to the bathroom post-shower to “do his business,” he took her with him. — About to Move In

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Friday Links

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

“Exercising restraint and applying sensible structure to something that feels great requires using the logical parts of our brain to override the pleasure-seeking parts of our brain. But it’s possible, and you can still fully embrace a promising romantic partner without letting the fire in your heart burn your life down.”

— some great advice in :How to Stop Rushing Into Love

‘Back-burner relationships’ are more common than you’d think

Women will make the difference in many midterm races

From a DW reader: I think it explains why so many people, including myself, feel pulled into web sites where they can can find some attention and sense of belonging. Look at me: why attention-seeking is the defining need of our times

Yes! Make the Friends Happy. Don’t Have a Wedding Party.

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

Follow along on Facebook, and Instagram.

Last year my husband and I purchased our first home, about an hour away from my parents and three hours away from his. We love where we live, and we are part of a tight-knit, small community where everyone is very involved and knows each other. We love the distance from our families – close enough that it is very easy to visit, but far enough away that we don’t have to worry about people randomly stopping in and we can develop our own identities in our new community. Now I feel that our safe haven could be under attack.

My younger sister and I have never had a great relationship. She is terrible to me, constantly trying to outdo me or prove that she is “the better one.” She has threatened to banish me from events or milestones if I don’t do exactly what she says in the way that she wants it. She single-handedly went out of her way to cause stress and chaos the morning of our wedding…and after having previously told my husband he had to wait a certain length of time after her own wedding before he could propose… you get he idea. My family members have commented on how terrible she can be to me, but, as the older sibling, I am told to “be the bigger person” and get over it. This hasn’t bothered me for the last five years as she was living on the other side of the country – and it was pure bliss — but she has recently moved back in with my parents after getting pregnant and is now searching for a house for her family. You can imagine my surprise when she commented that she wanted to move close to me. My first response was to think “she’s moving closer to me to make it easier to compete with what my husband and I have and be ‘better’ in our community,” and my husband agrees.

I am panicking over the thought of having my sister move into our community. She is not someone whose behavior I tend to condone, and to be quite honest I really don’t even like being associated with her in public – I was so happy to change my name after marriage so I wasn’t automatically pinned as being related to her. We are so happy here and I honestly do not think we could continue living here if we ran the risk of seeing her frequently when we went out, having her stop by unannounced, always asking me to watch her kids (like she currently does with my parents) or constantly comparing our homes, lives, etc.

What can I do protect the kingdom we have worked so hard to build for ourselves here?!? We spent years working up to this, and I can’t believe this could possibly happen. PLEASE HELP!!!! — A terrified Wife and Husband

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This week in the forums, we’re discussing:

“My Boyfriend Won’t Get a Career”

Craziness between my boyfriend and 14-year-old son

Facebook TMI

I gave my adult son money and my daughter doesn’t know about it

Work Issue – What Should I Do?

Weird Recruiter keeps bothering me

How to Handle a Negative, Jealous Co-worker?

Read any good books lately?

Yay, Mark: Bittergaymark wrote STARGATE ORIGINS

Army Barracks room situation

Products for protecting heat-styled hair

Anyone going on awesome dates?

“I Lied Out of Fear”

Follow along on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].


Eek, sorry for no new posts yesterday — I wrote the following column early yesterday morning, thought I scheduled it to publish at 9, was away from my computer most of the day tying up some loose ends, and then found this sitting in my draft folder this morning. Oops.

I’m 23 and have been with my partner now for four years. We have a lot of fun together, and share similar interests and friendship groups. However, over the last few months I have been underwhelmed in the relationship, and wondering if there is something more out there. Recently, I started chatting to an old friend whom I used to work with, and we get along like a house on fire. Not only that, I find myself quite attracted to him, and more interested in receiving his messages than those from my boyfriend. Now this would seem simple: break up with my boyfriend, and chase this other guy. But then who knows if he even likes me, or if we even would make a great couple…it’s such a risk.

The other thing really messing with my mind is that, I always wanted to be married and having children by the time I turned 26. Now, my current partner can’t make me any promises with this, which has been another cause of our arguments of late. He said he wants to do those things with me, but not as soon as I want them. What if I break off my long-term relationship, and this guy I think I like doesn’t work out. Where am I left with my dreams?

I still very much love my partner, but I’m scared I’ll wake up when I am 40 and resent him for always being so absent in our relationship, and I feel like I will always be thinking but what if. — Thinking What If

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