It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
My new boyfriend and I decided to get an apartment together. He has a one-year-old daughter with his ex. His ex is okay with me being around the baby and he kind of is, but he won’t let me pick her up or anything of that sort. We move in together in two weeks, and I feel like I’m not allowed to have a relationship with his child. For example, he was in the shower and she woke up crying, so I got her up and sat her on the bed with me, and I think he got mad because, when he went back to the bathroom post-shower to “do his business,” he took her with him. — About to Move In
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Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:
“Exercising restraint and applying sensible structure to something that feels great requires using the logical parts of our brain to override the pleasure-seeking parts of our brain. But it’s possible, and you can still fully embrace a promising romantic partner without letting the fire in your heart burn your life down.”
— some great advice in :How to Stop Rushing Into Love
‘Back-burner relationships’ are more common than you’d think
Women will make the difference in many midterm races
From a DW reader: I think it explains why so many people, including myself, feel pulled into web sites where they can can find some attention and sense of belonging. Look at me: why attention-seeking is the defining need of our times
Yes! Make the Friends Happy. Don’t Have a Wedding Party.
Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!
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Eek, sorry for no new posts yesterday — I wrote the following column early yesterday morning, thought I scheduled it to publish at 9, was away from my computer most of the day tying up some loose ends, and then found this sitting in my draft folder this morning. Oops.
I’m 23 and have been with my partner now for four years. We have a lot of fun together, and share similar interests and friendship groups. However, over the last few months I have been underwhelmed in the relationship, and wondering if there is something more out there. Recently, I started chatting to an old friend whom I used to work with, and we get along like a house on fire. Not only that, I find myself quite attracted to him, and more interested in receiving his messages than those from my boyfriend. Now this would seem simple: break up with my boyfriend, and chase this other guy. But then who knows if he even likes me, or if we even would make a great couple…it’s such a risk.
The other thing really messing with my mind is that, I always wanted to be married and having children by the time I turned 26. Now, my current partner can’t make me any promises with this, which has been another cause of our arguments of late. He said he wants to do those things with me, but not as soon as I want them. What if I break off my long-term relationship, and this guy I think I like doesn’t work out. Where am I left with my dreams?
I still very much love my partner, but I’m scared I’ll wake up when I am 40 and resent him for always being so absent in our relationship, and I feel like I will always be thinking but what if. — Thinking What If
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