Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Poll: How Often Do You Like to See Someone You’re Dating?

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This letter from earlier in the week got me thinking about frequency in dating and what is considered “normal.” It’s been almost eight years since I dated anyone other than Drew, but I remember from my single days, and especially when I tried online dating, that, if I met someone I was interested in, I was happy to see him 3-5 times a week, which seems like SO MUCH to me now. Like, when would I ever have time to see anyone that often? But, I was single then, of course, and not a parent, and I was in my 20s and had energy to go-go-go. Plus, I didn’t have a demanding career or anything. Lack of responsibilities + single status + lots of energy = plenty of time for someone interesting.

I also remember from my single days that there would sometimes be guys I was into who only made time for me maybe two-four times a month, and that always made me feel like I wasn’t very important. If they were interested, wouldn’t they want to see me a lot — like, as much as I wanted to see them? Maybe. Or, maybe they had more responsibilities than I did and less energy and free time. Or maybe they required more alone time. Who knows. And while I do agree with what commenters in this column said, about the importance of finding someone whose interest level and availability matches yours, I also think it’s important to keep an open mind, be patient, and kind of see where things go. Interest levels and availability can change — sometimes quite quickly — and what if you ruled out someone right away because he only wanted to go out once a week and he might have, after a couple months, become someone who wanted to go out three times a week?

Anyway, I created a poll because I’m interested to know where you stand in the whole dating frequency thing. I guess I’m most interested in hearing from people who are actually single and currently dating, but, if you’re coupled up, you can answer like you might have back when you were on the market. And in the comments can you please discuss how willing (or unwilling) you would be to date someone whose dating frequency level didn’t match up with yours (like, if you want to date someone 3-5 times a week, would you continue dating someone who was only available once a week? And if so, for how long?). Poll below:

[polldaddy poll=”7958257″]

77 comments… add one
  • katie

    katie April 10, 2014, 3:07 pm

    that letter actually made me really sad that if i wasnt in a relationship now, most people would dub me “not interested” because i could only manage to see someone like once a week or once every two weeks. so i guess i gotta put a ring on jake. dang.

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      No Pants April 10, 2014, 3:42 pm

      I thought the exact same thing.

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        lets_be_honest April 10, 2014, 3:46 pm

        I’m sure if your date partner knew you worked a lot or whatever, they would be able to realize you are interested, just busy. Right?

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        No Pants April 10, 2014, 3:56 pm

        I always thought so. I did have one dater guy yell at me (like, YELL) because I had an insane work schedule and always made time for my friends and family, and then him. He left me a crazy voicemail about how I was never around. Of course, he was clearly just nuts and hopefully not the norm.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest April 10, 2014, 4:01 pm

        Yea I feel like anyone not understanding of your schedule is someone not good for you anyway, so maybe its a good way to weed those people out.

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      • avatar

        No Pants April 10, 2014, 4:04 pm

        Definitely. The story does make me laugh now. The reason he yelled at me that particular night was because I was going out with my mom for her birthday and not spending time with him, which made me a terrible person.

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      • katie

        katie April 10, 2014, 5:21 pm

        i mean i would hope but in that letter the guy was finishing up his year of school and the LW didnt go to “just busy”

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    AKchic April 10, 2014, 3:12 pm

    When I dated, I usually dated multiple people and would see each of them 1-2x a week at most due to varying schedules, if we went out on more than one date.

    Right now, I only get a 1-2x a year date with the SO. This year, we’ve already been on two, and we’ve got tickets to ensure a 3rd. It feels weird. We don’t really know HOW to date anymore. Money is the biggest factor in our lack of dating.

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    • Cassie

      Cassie April 10, 2014, 9:07 pm

      Some of my favorite dates have been low-cost or free. A guy took me on a date to feed some ducks once (aww). And with my husband, we do day dates to the Farmer’s Market or fun, free festivals (such as a SE Asian cultural festival a few summers ago). But then again I classify pretty much anything that gets me out of sweatpants and the house, has me put a bit of effort into my appearance, and lets me hold hands with my husband as a date.

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      • shanshantastic

        shanshantastic April 11, 2014, 11:18 am

        That’s so sweet! I’m definitely looking forward to more Farmer’s Market days with my husband when the weather warms up (and he isn’t working every Saturday, blah…)

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    SasLinna April 10, 2014, 3:20 pm

    “Interest levels and availability can change” – so true and important to remember. Even if you’re coupled up, I feel like it can change quite quickly (well, the availability, hopefully not the interest level). If I was dating now, I’d probably go for 1-2 dates per week. My guy is out of town during the week at the moment so that’s also what I currently get with him (although basically it’s just one super date stuffed into the weekend).

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  • avatar

    sararosie43 April 10, 2014, 3:24 pm

    I am dating someone now who i see once a week, and ive been seeing him a little over a month. I would like to see him more, but we both have busy schedules, so realistically this works for now. Eventually if this progresses i would like to see him twice a week if possible, but i know that would just have to come with time. In other situations i have rushed into seeing each other more often (2-3 times a week) and sometimes that would be a bit much right away.

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  • avatar

    bethany April 10, 2014, 3:39 pm

    When I had a steady boyfriend I generally liked seeing them 2-3 times/week. I like having a lot of alone time.
    *
    When I was just sort of dating around, I dated multiple people and saw them a lot less. Maybe once every other week or so? Then for a while I had a FWB, I saw twice a week or so, plus I was kind of seeing other people, too…. So, I dunno. I was all over the place.

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    • avatar

      bethany April 10, 2014, 3:49 pm

      Just to add one more thing… The thought of seeing someone every single day for like the next 50 years really, really did not sit well with me before I got married. Some days it still doesn’t. It was one of the major things I had to come to terms with before getting married. Like is that something I can really do and really want to do? And not just see them, but live with them for that long. That’s crazy stuff right there! I mean, the longest I’ve ever lived with anyone was 17 years, and that was with my parents, and I don’t even remember half of that, because I was too young! So anyway, that’s just my rambling way of saying I like space. Space is good.

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        No Pants April 10, 2014, 3:54 pm

        Me too! I had to come to terms with the same thing! It took me 2 years to move in with He Pants and I definitey had major adjustments when we first got engaged. I’m still adusting to seeing him every day. Luckily, He Pants totally respects (and always has) need for me time.

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        bethany April 10, 2014, 3:56 pm

        Yeah, Dave is really cool with it, and he needs his space, too. So it works out well for us. I go to my parents overnight without him about once a month (for Wine Club), and I’ll go visit family in NY without him, too, which I think both of us really enjoy. It works for us, which is good.

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      • avatar

        No Pants April 10, 2014, 4:00 pm

        That’s the key: finding someone who’s comfortable with that dynamic. Plus, sometimes I like going away for a weekend, or vice versa, because it gives me a chance to miss him. And I’m always really happy to see him again.

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      • LlamaPajamas

        LlamaPajamas April 10, 2014, 3:54 pm

        I feel the same way! I love alone time and had a bit of a rough time adjusting to being in a relationship with Llama Guy. It wasn’t that I wasn’t into him, I just kind of missed being able to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and not have to be pleasant or talkative or whatever Every Single Day. I’m glad I worked through it though because he’s totally worth it!

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      • avatar

        No Pants April 10, 2014, 4:02 pm

        Same! Although, I think He Pants is a little bummed he’s not invited to the Hello Wendy meetup (he thinks Dear Wendy is called Hello Wendy).

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        lets_be_honest April 10, 2014, 4:09 pm

        Hello Wendy makes me think of Wake Up San Francisco for some reason. I picture Wendy on TV with a too big coffee mug and bright and cheery.

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      • avatar

        No Pants April 10, 2014, 4:12 pm

        That’s exactly what I thought of, too.

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      • LlamaPajamas

        LlamaPajamas April 10, 2014, 4:09 pm

        We should invite He Pants, Llama Guy, and Dave out with us sometime! I love that He Pants calls it Hello Wendy.

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        No Pants April 10, 2014, 4:14 pm

        I think we are going to get a firepit and adirondack chairs this summer. We can have a weenie roast at our house!

        Bethany can bring Rudy and LP, you can bring a llama. Our landlords don’t allow pets in the house, but we have a nice backyard!

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      • avatar

        bethany April 10, 2014, 4:17 pm

        Dave told me to say hi to Wendy tonight. I explained for the 3rd time she wasn’t going to be there!

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      • avatar

        No Pants April 10, 2014, 4:18 pm

        Yes, I have definitely had to explain to He Pants that Hello Wendy lives in NYC, not Philly!

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      • LlamaPajamas

        LlamaPajamas April 10, 2014, 4:22 pm

        Llama Guy doesn’t ask questions about Wendy. I think he’s worried that the answer will involve a llama…

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      • muchachaenlaventana

        muchachaenlaventana April 10, 2014, 4:48 pm

        This is so hard for me to imagine too, and not even just living with them but like sharing my bed and bathroom and potentially a closet and dresser (my parents used to have one dresser between the two of them!!!) I just really really really love being alone and having me time. I think I *could* be with someone like in a married sense but it is whether or not I want to, idk I am sometimes afraid I am too selfish and the older I get/longer I go without living with someone else the less willing I will be to do so long-term.

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      • GatorGirl

        GatorGirl April 11, 2014, 8:22 am

        We share one dresser! It’s pretty big, but it’s really not that bad.

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        Ella_ April 11, 2014, 9:18 am

        I could never share a dresser! Mainly because I need two for myself…

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  • avatar

    No Pants April 10, 2014, 3:40 pm

    He Pants and I started dating about 6 – 8 months after both of us had been burned in a relationship, so we took it verrrrrry slow on purpose. We planned dates once a week and texted/talked every few days. I would say we picked it up a notch after about 2 months. It’s what worked for us, and it was definitely strategic on my part. Before He Pants, I definitely wanted to see someone 2 – 3 times a week

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  • avatar

    Christy April 10, 2014, 3:42 pm

    Dating casually? Once a week, one at a time. Dating casually, but actually interested in the person? Twice a week, ideally. Dating seriously/in an early relationship? Every weekend plus a weeknight.
    .
    Now? Erry day.

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  • iwannatalktosampson

    iwannatalktosampson April 10, 2014, 3:42 pm

    When I first started dating Colin I tried really hard to not hang out too often and it worked for two weeks. Like first date on a saturday, second date on a friday, and then the week after we started hanging out pretty much everyday. It was stressful trying not to hang out, and he just fit into my life. Like we did the things we normally do on our nights just together. Like oh it’s Wednesday, I run on Wednesdays, weird me too! Lets run together.

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    • Addie Pray

      Addie Pray April 10, 2014, 4:00 pm

      I can’t imagine seeing someone EVERYDAY. Even if I liked them a whole lot. I don’t need a TON of alone time, but I need some — to watch TV I’m embarrassed to admit to, to pick my nose, and to binge eat while doing the other two things, without being judged, you know? Maybe the day I can do those things in front of someone, every day would be ok.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson April 10, 2014, 4:13 pm

        Haha see I am a huge extrovert so I can get my alone time by being with someone and just doing my own thing. Like sometimes I’ll lay in bed and read (okay that has happened like once) and he’ll watch tv or whatever. I also go in to work two hours later than him so my alone time is running in the morning by myself. And I do love that time. But I don’t know I just don’t need that much. I kind of hated living alone too. I did it for one year in college. It was like living along light* because I lived in an apartment complex with 13 friends of mine (which is crazy to imagine having 13 really good friends, but I did) and I would have slumber parties with at least one friend almost every night.

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson April 10, 2014, 4:14 pm

        living alone light**

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      • honeybeenicki

        honeybeenicki April 10, 2014, 4:27 pm

        Just find someone who won’t judge you for those things and you’re good to go 🙂 My husband manages to not judge me when I sit down and eat 6 strips of candy buttons at once. Or when I eat 4 brownies. Or when I eat strange foods. Or when I am weird in my eating (things can’t touch, no wet food, etc). And I don’t judge him when he decides to have 4 chili dogs for dinner.

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      • muchachaenlaventana

        muchachaenlaventana April 10, 2014, 4:50 pm

        Sometimes I just want to fart freely in my bed, and like poop with the door open. Sorry but its true and having another person around all the time greatly impacts those things.

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        kerrycontrary April 10, 2014, 4:59 pm

        I’m an every day kind of person if I’m in a relationship. We just haven’t been able to do that cause of our jobs, but we’ve spent 2 weeks straight together and it’s been fine. But I get my alone time by being in a different room for 20 mins. Or I mean, we go to work each day. And have hobbies. But you still see that person at least once during the day. I dunno, I tend to date people I like a ton and want to hang out with ALL the time! That’s why I’m dating them. Cause they are my most fun person. And I agree with Honeybeenicki, when you’re with the right person you can just be yourself and there’s not much you won’t do in front of them (besides plucking my eyebrows, doing my toes, and going number 2).

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      • Addie Pray

        Addie Pray April 10, 2014, 5:25 pm

        Oh yea – plucking my eyebrows, … chin hairs, and just picking at my face: I can’t do those things in front of anyone but my mother! How could I do those thing if a guy was always around? How do married people deal with that?! Also, I’m gross. Like I could not shower for days if I didn’t have to … how do married people do that when there is someone there to judge them?!

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        No Pants April 11, 2014, 10:48 am

        I married a hippie musician, so I’m not sure he even cares about stray hairs. But I do! I keep tweezers in the car. I always notice strays when I’m driving and it’s sunny out, so tweezers in the car = plucking at stop lights!

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        JoanJ April 10, 2014, 7:38 pm

        You just described my “every night” with the wife. Minus the nose-picking. Most of the time. #BestMarriageEver

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      • Addie Pray

        Addie Pray April 11, 2014, 3:13 am

        Love this!

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  • avatar

    KMJ April 10, 2014, 3:44 pm

    I’m in my thirties and have a child, so in starting to date someone I would say I’d like to see him once or twice a week and probably only have time to see one person at a time. Now I’ve been seeing the same guy for about a year, am really into him, and would like to see him every day. Can’t imagine wanting to see someone I wasn’t sure I was very interested in more than 2 days a week at most, but maybe that’s due to lack of time and also life obligations.

    I would date someone who’s ideal dating frequency was different than mine if it wasn’t a drastic difference but would probably just give it three to five months to see if we became more in-tune. It’s not really fair to expect someone to change if he was straight forward about that, but at the same time it’s natural as you become more serious/interested to want to make more time where you may not have seen it as worth it before getting to know the person.

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  • Addie Pray

    Addie Pray April 10, 2014, 3:49 pm

    If I like the person? Every other day is perfect. If I don’t know yet? One time a week is good. I can’t date multiple people at the same time. One night I had two dates, back-to-back; I kissed both men and I felt icky about that.
    *
    Also for fuck sake, I for real thought it was Friday until about 30 seconds ago. I even wore jeans to work and was wondering to myself why no one else was wearing jeans. I also wondered why we didn’t have shortcuts. Yet it never occurred to me that it might not be Friday. Well until it did, 30 seconds ago, well not about 1 minute ago.

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      bethany April 10, 2014, 4:00 pm

      Today’s MY Friday! I took off tomorrow!! WOOOO HOOOO!!!

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      • Addie Pray

        Addie Pray April 10, 2014, 5:26 pm

        Shit I did it again, for the last hour I thought it was Friday. Why does that keep happening?!

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  • LlamaPajamas

    LlamaPajamas April 10, 2014, 3:50 pm

    Llama Guy and I saw each other about once a week during the first 1-2 months we were dating because of our schedules. His days off are Tuesdays and Wednesdays so our “weekends” never match up, and it was difficult to coordinate actual dates (as opposed to cooking dinner and watching Netflix) at first because he doesn’t get home from work until around 6:30 and we live a half hour apart (until next month!). So we planned dinners out or going to the movies or walks around the city 1-2 times a week (but emailed, texted, or called almost daily), then we started staying over at each other’s houses a lot so we could see each other 3-4 times a week. I met him online dating and I went out with 3 guys before him and they overlapped a little – seeing each guy once a week worked for me.
    .
    I’d be willing to date someone who’s dating frequency level didn’t match with mine due to non-permanent circumstances, like my original situation with Llama Guy. But I wouldn’t have continued to date him if we could have only seen each other once a week indefinitely. On the other hand, I would have quickly ended things with him if he wanted to hang out every night. So I guess I could possibly work through wanting to see someone more frequently but not less frequently. I actually broke up with a guy (I’ve mentioned this before) because he wanted to see me all the time and I found it suffocating. We met at work (my part-time but his full-time job) and we’d have coffee breaks or lunch together almost every day, which I considered quality time in the beginning stages of a relationship. But then every afternoon he’d ask me what I wanted to do that night and my answer was always “dude, we just saw each other, I have other shit to do”. I stopped seeing him after just 6 weeks because I was constantly telling him I needed space.

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    • LlamaPajamas

      LlamaPajamas April 10, 2014, 4:12 pm

      In the interest of full disclosure I should add that Llama Guy and I have only been together for 14 months and I proposed after just 6 months, so I kind of fast tracked us. But one of the things I’ve always loved about him is that he has a lot of friends and interests and stays busy apart from me.

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    lets_be_honest April 10, 2014, 3:51 pm

    I would like to see the person I’m dating currently once a week. That would be lovely.

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      bethany April 10, 2014, 3:54 pm

      I wouldn’t mind *not* seeing the person I’m dating for one weekend a month. That would be glorious.

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        lets_be_honest April 10, 2014, 3:59 pm

        Honestly, I read your’s above and was like YES SOMEONE GETS IT. haha.

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        kerrycontrary April 10, 2014, 5:01 pm

        Tell Dave to join the reserves. My fiance is gone one weekend a month at minimum (and 2-3 weeks straight each summer). That’s when I go get pedicures and manically clean my house and watch stupid tv.

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    • iwannatalktosampson

      iwannatalktosampson April 10, 2014, 3:54 pm

      Haha the one that you live with. Amazing. Why don’t you share with the group.

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        lets_be_honest April 10, 2014, 3:57 pm

        Share with the group? You know you’re welcome to bang him any time you wish!

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  • Fabelle

    Fabelle April 10, 2014, 3:51 pm

    Fabello & I were in the same friend group for a while, & we hung out maybe once a week already before we even started hooking up. Then when we were hooking up, it was like twice a week, sometime more? Now that we’re DATING, & have been dating for a long time, we see each other like 4 times a week at the least, & every day at the most.
    .
    When I was single, I didn’t really “date” at all… I had a steady FWB that I saw anywhere from once a month to weekly, depending. I was also seeing other dudes in between. But not really “dating”—I was like 21, 22, when I was single last, & I just hung out with my friends a lot. And hanging out with my friends included hooking up with them, sometimes. SOOOO dating did not fit into my schedule, haha

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle April 10, 2014, 3:56 pm

      Oh, also, I will add that when I DO like someone, I like seeing them a lot (obviously). It’s just, when I was single, I didn’t really LIKE anyone enough to try spending lots of time with them—I was cool with whatever amount of time. And once I’m in a relationship, I like doing things with the other person—every day errand type stuff, for example. But Fabello & I have our own hobbies & lives, we just do them on on the 1-2 days a week we don’t see each other. Or sneak in a weekend day where we’re like, okay, you do this, I’ll do this. See you later!

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      • iwannatalktosampson

        iwannatalktosampson April 10, 2014, 4:02 pm

        I completely agree with your first two sentences. Normally when I was just casually dating (fine making out with) people I wouldn’t mind seeing them once every week or two but that was because I just didn’t care to see them more than that. Anyone I’ve ever gone on to date seriously and love and blah blah blah I’ve wanted to hang out with all the time from very soon after I met them. What can I say I have good instincts.

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  • avatar

    Kate April 10, 2014, 3:53 pm

    Definitely NOT every day, even if I really like them, until we live together. For me, 3-5 days/week is perfect. When I was dating my husband, he lived 10-15 mins away and we would do like Monday night, Wednesday or Thursday night, Saturday night, all day Sunday, and often Sunday night sleepover. I need downtime, I need to work out, and I need SLEEP. He’s the same way.

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  • avatar

    Banana April 10, 2014, 3:53 pm

    When I started dating Banano, I was a want-to-see-you-every-day person. He lived an hour and a half away, was taking night classes, was in a band, AND is an introvert. So for the first six to eight months of our relationship, we saw each other about once a week, and at first it used to drive me crazy. I went through a phase of insecurity where I thought the infrequency was because he didn’t like me. Then I realized he liked me A LOT and that the fact that he made time for me when he had so much else going on proved that. But then I went through another phase where I was frustrated to be dating such a busy person (even though I felt confident by then that he was into me) and I sort of wished he’d make more time for me. Interestingly enough, right around the time I got used to it all and just went with the flow, he moved closer to me and started making a lot more time for us, and we fell very naturally into a pattern of seeing each other every couple of days and calling every night, without a ton of pressure, tears, or nagging from me. All along, all the other things we’d shared that made us a good couple made it worth it for me to keep at it, despite the misalignment of our schedules. And looking back, I’m glad I took a chance on a guy with a different date-frequency than me, because it made us go slow and get to know each other pretty thoroughly, and it made us work for — and appreciate even more — all the time we did get to spend together. I still feel that appreciation for every moment we have together, even now that we see each other pretty frequently (and are preparing to move in together). I’m glad I learned that.

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  • avatar

    TECH April 10, 2014, 4:01 pm

    This topic is timely for me because I’m dating someone I really like who lives 40 minutes away and has an opposite work schedule. We manage to see each other two times a week, which for now is enough, but long term, I don’t think it will be enough. If our relationship is going to progress, I think we’ll have to mesh our every day lives together more.
    I guess the only reason I’m willing to see someone who lives far away and has an opposite schedule is that I really like him, and it’s worth it to me. Would I ordinarily date a guy who I could never see on the weekend? No. But right now the enjoyment outweighs the inconvenience.

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    • Lyra

      Lyra April 10, 2014, 5:52 pm

      Navy Guy lives about an hour away so I only see him on weekends. But I actually love that because when I get home from work I like alone time with my cat — and now running, woot. I actually probably love alone time too much, but that’s who I am. He is also introverted (as am I obviously) so it works, not to mention I have work and he has school so it wouldn’t work for us to see each other during the week. I get home usually between 6:30 and 7 every night, so it just doesn’t work. During the summer I’m guessing we will see each other much more often.

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  • kare

    kare April 10, 2014, 4:12 pm

    I’m casually dating right now. I see one guy 3 times a week and the other guy once a week, but I don’t really have a preference for more or less time with either guy. I could see a guy I’m dating every day or once a week and not give it much thought.

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  • avatar

    rachel April 10, 2014, 4:46 pm

    I put it depends. I think early in my relationships I’ve generally seen a guy once a week, but after a few dates it’s naturally progressed to the 3-5 times a week kind of stage. It kind of just happens organically. I’ve never been hugely mismatched time-wise with someone so I’m not sure how I would deal with that. Ross and I are both in academia and so have similar flexible schedules with periods of insane business. I think if people don’t mesh well on this question, they might just not be that suited to each other.

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  • avatar

    ktfran April 10, 2014, 5:02 pm

    So, I’m late to the game, but….

    If I were just starting to date someone, I think once, maybe twice a week is perfect. Then, after a couple months, I would want it to progress to three to five times a week. Again, perfect! And I’m not sure I would ever want it to get to every day. Unless we were married. Then, obviously. But by gosh, I hope he goes on trips with his friends once in a while. Or has a night out with the dudes. Or goes golfing. Or SOMETHING!

    I don’t date multiple people at once. Maybe I’ll date a couple guys for a couple weeks, but then I would quickly decide who I like better. I just find it overwhelming.

    My recent experience, I went from being friends with the kid and seeing him almost every week. To dating the kid, talking or IMing every day and seeing him about three times a week. To him moving. And now it’s done. Because he moved to effing Colorado. Which, according to Letter Numero Uno today, is UTOPIA.

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    • Cassie

      Cassie April 10, 2014, 9:18 pm

      Everyone I know who has ever lived in Colorado has loooooooooooved it and has wanted to move back. I have never been there, but with all these people (and now LW’s) talking it up, I may just have to go!

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  • avatar

    lets_be_honest April 10, 2014, 5:22 pm

    Its interesting to read the different things you guys won’t do in front of your SOs. DW is pretty much the only thing for me.

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    • iwannatalktosampson

      iwannatalktosampson April 10, 2014, 5:47 pm

      Yeah there are very few things I won’t do in front of a boyfriend. All those things involve the bathroom so I just shut the door.

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  • avatar

    MrsSmith2013 April 10, 2014, 5:37 pm

    I never really “dated”. I mean I kind of did in college, but I had classes with the guy and we hung out all the time, so we only had a couple of “traditional dates”.

    I have always been very casual, and the formality of dates was always weird to me. I can honestly say, with the exception of my husband, all my exes were friends that turned into more, but we would “date” with out calling it dating because, well, that was pressure I didn’t need/want at the time. Does that make sense?

    My husband and I met, and since we were long distance, we had to make time to see each other, but that usually meant we’d spend the whole weekend together. He’s the first and only guy I ever saw purely with a direct romantic intent, without any casual friendship before hand. We were monogamous from the get go, and clearly that method worked for me. Guess the lesson learned here is that if you treat something/someone as “casual” then that’s all you can expect. If you treat them with seriousness and they reciprocate, you end up happily married/coupled.

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    • Lyra

      Lyra April 10, 2014, 10:06 pm

      I strongly disagree with your last part — “casual” CAN turn into “serious” depending on the situation. I was actually one who didn’t really even believe in casual dating until last summer. That was when I realized I was moving things along very very quickly with pretty much every guy I dated and that wasn’t any good. Previous relationships had just started right away and that was what I was used to, but I had to just sit back and enjoy dating and that’s exactly what I learned to do.
      .
      I met my boyfriend in November and we dated casually at first. I took my time getting to know him. We became “official” on New Year’s Eve, and it has been gradually growing into something more substantial ever since. We both have known since the beginning that ultimately we were both looking for something long term, yet we didn’t start off serious right away. So far we’ve been just letting the relationship grow and it feels really natural. Through casual dating we both realized that we saw potential for something more. Honestly it can be dangerous to jump right into something serious, especially if you didn’t know the other person first. You don’t *truly* know the person, and that’s really what casual dating is all about.

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    • GatorGirl

      GatorGirl April 11, 2014, 8:25 am

      I completely disagree with your last paragraph. I started casually hooking up with my now husband, and well over 6 years later we’re married. So yeah, things can change.

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      • LadyinPurpleNotRed

        LadyinPurpleNotRed April 11, 2014, 11:18 am

        I agree! I was super casual with my now boyfriend…I was going to moving states soon, didn’t make sense….then life happened and two+ years later, still together and I’m moving to his state next month

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  • Skittlegryph

    Skittlegryph April 10, 2014, 8:33 pm

    Before we moved in together, my boyfriend and I saw each other 2-4 times a week, depending on our work schedules. We both WANTED to spend more time with each other from the start, but we both worked full-time.

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  • Fabelle

    Fabelle April 10, 2014, 9:01 pm

    I’m on mobile now so I can’t reply, but yeah, what iwanna said–rhe only things I won’t do in front of my boyfriend are like…& it sounds gross to specify, but digestive bodily functions? Other bodily functions are Okay. Like periods. Or just burping. But nothing else. That’s what the bathroom is for. But tweezing my hairs? Fabello will do that for me, like he is tbe reasin my eyebrows are trimmed and why I have no chin hairs. And I’m an introvert. I think it’s a matter.of comfort, and it’s okay to not wana be that comfortable, but it is possible for all kinds of personalities to get there?

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  • Cassie

    Cassie April 10, 2014, 9:15 pm

    When Mr. B and I started dating, we were in college and that allowed us to see each other pretty frequently. I think almost every day? But if I were to date now, I don’t know that I would have a ton of energy with my job. I think I’d end up seeing the person twice a week.

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  • Cleopatra_30

    Cleopatra_30 April 10, 2014, 9:33 pm

    Because i am in school (well was, today was my last day!) i was only able to see my BF 2-3 times a week. And usually only for a few hours, he also had school for the Navy and crossfit at night after school, so we were both busy with work and stuff. But not sure i could handle more than 3 days a week anyways, i like having my own free time and space. It will probably be the same when summer comes along because i will be working and then he will have school until July.

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    • Addie Pray

      Addie Pray April 11, 2014, 6:42 am

      Congrats – no more school!

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  • avatar

    Jenny July 1, 2017, 7:15 pm

    I have been dating this guy for a year. We started off dating once or twice a week as we both have busy schedules.After six months he comes to see me at 1am every five weeks. I cant stop feeling that he is taking me for only a bootycall but he said Im crazy to even think that low of him and that he have not been with other women and he is family orientated and he’s family comes first. Which I agree. But can a man go without sex for that long when they are dating someone??

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