Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Poll: What Would You Fine Your Spouse For?

A 51-year-old Frenchman was recently fined about $15,000 for not having sex with his 47-year-old (now ex) wife of 21 years. Article 215 of France’s civil code states that married couples must agree to a “shared communal life,” and a judge in the Frenchman’s case ruled that the law implies that married couples must get busy on a regular basis, so he was ordered to pay up for being stingy in the sack during his marriage.

This got me thinking about the other ways spouses may fail to “share a communal life.” Does anything compare to lack of sex? I’m willing to bet “yes,” but I’m interested to see what others say. If you’re married or live with a partner, please take this poll and let’s see how you rank things of importance in your communal life together.

[polldaddy poll=”5481115″]

71 comments… add one
  • Chaotonic

    Chaotonic September 7, 2011, 1:08 pm

    Defiantly would fine him for spending so much money! Every time I get off of watch I swear he has a new play toy, whether its a hard drive, a lap top bag that can withstand a bomb blast, or just a bunch of sato cables its still a lot of money that could be saved for other things. And I swear that he just piles it up in the office for “future” uses! Ugh!!

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    Mainer September 7, 2011, 1:08 pm

    Monday nights have been deemed “Nights to Ourselves,” just to give you an idea of what I would fine for.

    Don’t even get me started on Bachelor Pad, either. Drew knows what I’m talking about.

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    sohara September 7, 2011, 1:13 pm

    Why does it say “Help with chores”, as if you (presumably the female) are in charge of chores and he should “help out”. Aren’t chores a mutual responsibility? Shouldn’t it say “Doesn’t do equal (or fair) share of chores?” It’s like saying “My husband’s babysitting the kids.” You don’t babysit your own children. You take care of them, and it’s your job, not a favor.

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      thyme September 7, 2011, 1:31 pm

      What are the thumbs down for? Will one of you please explain? Do you think housework is the woman’s responsibility???

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        Beckaleigh September 7, 2011, 1:34 pm

        The thumbs down is for sohara’s interpretation of what “help with the chores” implied. I don’t think that anyone was implying that women are in charge of the chores and men help out just by this silly option in this poll. If the husband does all of the chores, then he could select that option to fine his wife for not helping out. No where does it say, “Hey ladies, here’s a poll for you.” Its for all DW readers, not just women. Nobody is disagreeing that people should help with the chores. People are disagreeing with turning that one little statement into a rant about how women shouldn’t have to do chores by themselves and men shouldn’t babysit their own children, or something like that.

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        sleepy September 7, 2011, 4:20 pm

        I agree with you. It should not be helping “me” out, it should be doing your part in the household as an adult human person.

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    • Dear Wendy

      Wendy September 7, 2011, 1:58 pm

      Uh, the question is what would you fine your SPOUSE for, not “What would you, as a WOMAN, fine your HUSBAND for.” Furthermore, doing equal share of something with someone else IS helping the other person.

      If you’re genuinely looking for sexist messages to get upset over, I have quite a few unapproved comments I could forward to you from some of the hateful misogynists who drop by this site from time to time.

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        lets_be_honest September 7, 2011, 2:04 pm

        OOOHH…remember last week someone suggested starting a column of ‘You’re an Idiot and Should Know the Answer’ (I can’t remember what it was specifically called). Unapproved Comments could be an interesting one, unless of course, they are just so beyond horrible that no one would enjoy it. IDK, just a thought. Maybe a bad one.

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      • avatar

        TheOtherMe September 7, 2011, 2:05 pm

        Oh, “Unapproved Comments” would bring TONS of traffic !

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      • Dear Wendy

        Wendy September 7, 2011, 2:23 pm

        Oh yeah, they are really, really horrible. There are so many men out there who hate women. I would never want to subject you readers to some of the things these “people” have said in comments I’ve rejected for publication. But, having read so many nasty comments directed at women, it IS funny to me when someone gets her panties in a bunch over simple semantics like in this innocuous poll.

        Bottom line: Women still have to deal with a lot of nasty stereotyping, misogyny and hatred in this world. But let’s save our rage against those things for when they’re actually apparent and when the rage is warranted.

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    • avatar

      thyme September 7, 2011, 1:30 pm

      I thought the very same thing! On the same subject, read Hugo’s latest piece on The Frisky. I want to print it out and whack all my exes over the head with it (and myself too):

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  • Public Pearl

    Public Pearl September 7, 2011, 1:40 pm

    I didn’t see a “None” option, so I didn’t vote. I mean, I’m sure this is silly and for fun and all that, but, yeah, going with “Nothing”. Not because my marriage is ~omg perfect sunshine and daisies~, but because I think scorekeeping leads to resentment. Sorry for being the rain and not the parade.

    Plus, if I fined him, then he could fine me, and hell to the no on that.

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  • avatar

    Bethany September 7, 2011, 1:54 pm

    I would fine him for not taking out the trash (this falls under the household chores though). Trash is his job, and I hate it when it piles up. Also, he never remembers to take out the bathroom trash and the trash in the bedroom and office. He could fine me for not putting away my clothes… I have a “I don’t remember if this is clean or dirty” pile in front of the closet, which I’m sure bothers him!

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  • Budj

    budjer September 7, 2011, 1:26 pm

    Fine for lack of sex hands down. If the sex life is good a lot of other things like chore splitting fall into place too…and I mean that is kind of win win right? Good vibrations and a well kept home with no resentment….technically win^3.

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    • avatar

      TheOtherMe September 7, 2011, 1:50 pm

      Hahah that’s funny because PFG-SCR & I were posting it the other way around on another site, we both agreed that :

      ” For most couples, unhappiness outside of the bedroom translates to unhappiness inside the bedroom.”

      sorry PFG for the cross-quote !!!

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      • Budj

        Budjer September 7, 2011, 2:02 pm

        So apparently the male and female perspective on this is like a “did the chicken or the egg come first” scenario? haha.

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    AnitaBath September 7, 2011, 2:51 pm

    This is going to make me sound cold and heartless and selfish, but I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HATE AND CANNOT STAND when people feel the need to give you a lengthy description of their dreams. It is the ABSOLUTE most boring thing in the entire world. Why do I care about some story your unconscious conjured up, especially when it makes absolutely no sense? It is honestly an irrational hatred of mine.

    Like it’s okay when it’s just kept to the point, like, “Yesterday I had a dream that I was half human and half patio umbrella, and I was being chased through the lawn mower section at Menards.” Okay, cool, interesting dream. But when they take five minutes to recount every.single.detail of their dream, I want to go crazy. “For some reason I was in a white room. And there were these weird streamers hanging down. And I don’t know why I was in the room, but I thought it might be because….”

    Okay, rant over, but my point was that my boyfriend does this alllllll the time. And I can’t think of a nice way to say, “Hey, I hate it when you tell me about your dreams,” because that seems like it would be insanely bitchy of me. So I just suck it up and listen. But, in an ideal world, I would fine him every time he went into too much detail about his dreams. And I would be filthy stinking rich.

    Most of my rant seems really random.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest September 7, 2011, 2:54 pm

      This whole thing was hysterical.

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        Laurel September 7, 2011, 5:09 pm

        Totally agree.

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      TheOtherMe September 7, 2011, 2:56 pm

      …“Hey, I hate it when you tell me about your dreams,”…

      Of course,if you put it like THAT… 😀

      My dreams are so insane(ly-erotic) that my BF always asks to hear them and I usually need to tone them down. ( don’t want to scare the poor man ) Unfortunately, it leads to me being very sad the moment I wake up and realize it was just a dream.

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      • avatar

        silver_dragon_girl September 7, 2011, 2:58 pm

        I’m jealous of you.

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      Maracuya September 7, 2011, 2:57 pm

      Hmm, I wonder if I’m the equivalent of your boyfriend in my relationship. I have crazy very detailed dreams but he never tells me his (usually he doesn’t dream much.) So I just swap crazy dream stories with my best friend.

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    • avatar

      Bethany September 7, 2011, 3:00 pm

      You made me laugh because I have very vivid dreams and always tell my fiance about them! He, on the other hand, has only had about 2 dreams that he can remember EVER. When I say stuff like, “… and I was in my 2nd grade classroom, but it wasn’t really my second grade classroom, but I just knew that it was…” He doesn’t understand because he’s never acutally experienced that.

      maybe I’ll work on keeping those to myself from now on 🙂

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      • avatar

        AnitaBath September 7, 2011, 3:04 pm

        Ha, oh no! I don’t mean to make people feel that everyone hates to hear about people’s dreams. I realize I may be (and probably am) alone in my irrational hatred.

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      • avatar

        Lexington September 7, 2011, 7:09 pm

        Aren’t *you* the one who dreamed she was half patio umbrella? This was the jsw sex dream, right??

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        AnitaBath September 7, 2011, 11:21 pm

        No, no, those were two separate dreams. The half patio umbrella dream was mine, but in the jsw sex dream his penis was the size of his arm. Those two dreams would be absolutely terrifying combined.

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      SpaceySteph September 7, 2011, 5:46 pm

      Omg the other day I woke up to my boyfriend trying to crawl inside my skin or something. He proceeded to cling to me and tell me ALL about some scary dream he had. I REALLY had to pee, and eventually (as he was describing the 5th insane thing that happened in the dream) I finally interrupted him with “look I really gotta pee before I hear any more of this fascinating tale.” He called me mean, but my bladder thanked me.

      Dreams are only interesting to the person living them…and sometimes their therapist.

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    • avatar

      Ally September 7, 2011, 6:05 pm

      I had a crazy dream the other night that my (male) cat pooped out another fully grown cat… that is all!

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      • avatar

        AnitaBath September 7, 2011, 11:22 pm

        Haha, see, I like these short synopses. Straight to the point and still entertaining.

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    TheOtherMe September 7, 2011, 2:51 pm

    I am curious to know what is the definition of “Enough” sex ?
    it doesn’t say in the article 🙁

    Who decides how much is enough ? What about the “quality” of said sex ?

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    • Budj

      Budjer September 7, 2011, 3:06 pm

      Depends on the people (daily at least for me when in a relationship) and quality should ALWAYS be expected to be good and if it isn’t then the culprit of the bad sex should be open to suggestions and positive reinforcement.

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      • avatar

        TheOtherMe September 7, 2011, 3:09 pm

        So, anything less than daily merits a fine ?

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      • Budj

        Budjer September 7, 2011, 3:12 pm

        HAHA I guess so! I realize daily is not an option often…but a guy can be optimistic.

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      • avatar

        thyme September 7, 2011, 6:14 pm

        I’d be broke…

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    amber September 7, 2011, 3:26 pm

    I can get over most of the little things that drive me a little crazy that my husband does but if i could fine him for one thing it would be his gas. It’s so terrible it has brought tears to me eyes before. I am a faithful purchaser of glade air spray and candles.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest September 7, 2011, 4:26 pm

      My former boyfriend’s favorite part about me (which he was probably only half-joking about) was the fact that I can’t smell. He used to come out of the bathroom after stinkin it up (hope that’s not TMI) with a huge smile on his face every time because he thought it was so cool that I’d never smell it. He got a little overboard in farting in bed but when I’d hear it, I would say I could feel it touching me (I’m insane, I know) so he finally quit that. I find myself blessed with no sense of smell. There really are way more pros than cons.

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        TheOtherMe September 7, 2011, 4:33 pm

        That reminds me of the “What am I, hard of smelling ? ” Elaine Benes quote on Seinfeld !

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      • fast eddie

        fast eddie September 7, 2011, 6:30 pm

        When my wife lets one ripe the stuff on the mantle falls off and the wallpaper blisters. One the up side there’s not a spider or a fly to be found for weeks. All this despite the bottle of Bean-O as a condiment for most dinners. To be fair I’m not much better but it works wonders to get the cat off the table.

        I’d rather have voted for all the above and added a few, especially watching Rachel Maddow. Her content is good, I just don’t like the anger she puts into it.

        Realistically my ever loving and I could trade fine for fine even so I suspect my monthly bill would exceed my ability to pay it.

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  • avatar

    GatorGirl September 7, 2011, 3:33 pm

    My fine would fall under the “other” category…my BF leaves the lights on alllllllll the time in like every room and it drives me bonkers! It seems so trivial but it drives me insane- he doesn’t seem to think it’s a big deal. Grr!

    Otherwise, we’ve managed to meet on everything else 🙂

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    • fast eddie

      fast eddie September 7, 2011, 7:12 pm

      My wife does the same thing and it drives me nuts. To be fair she’s gotten better and it only took 23 years of begging, following her around like she was a 2 year old, lamenting the high power bill, and so on. One time after she’s left them on in 3 rooms I turned on every light in the house. She didn’t even notice.

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  • avatar

    sleepy September 7, 2011, 4:08 pm

    My husband has made many great strides in being more attentive, helpful and just awesome. but lately he is driving me crazy because he chews like a cow. Mouth open, noisy. Just awful. He claims that he is stuffed up, but you can just take a breath and chew with your mouth closed. I can barely take it anymore.

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    • avatar

      thyme September 7, 2011, 6:22 pm

      Hahaha I had a roommate like that in the dorms in college. I’d be studying and she’d be sitting there on her bed smackitty smack smacking away on her chips and it made me want to throw stuff at her.

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      • avatar

        6napkinburger September 7, 2011, 7:10 pm

        Jodi? cuz my roommate in college used to throw stuff at me for allegedly smacking my lips!

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    McLovin September 7, 2011, 3:10 pm

    Wow, 21 years? I get all twitchy if I go 21 hours “without.” Hopefully this guys “junk” wasn’t on the fritz the whole time. I’m guessing the judge calculated the cost of 21 years worth of paying for something like Cialis and decided to award the ex-wife the money that he should have spent on the boner pill.

    *If you experience an erection lasting longer than 4 hours consult your physician immediately.(best commercial/public service announcement ever!)

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      TheOtherMe September 7, 2011, 3:12 pm

      ….”I get all twitchy if I go 21 hours “without.” …

      can you be a little bit more specific ?

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        McLovin September 7, 2011, 3:38 pm

        I get all fidgety if I don’t have a ham and cheese sandwich regularly. And by regularly I mean, I really enjoy having a ham and cheese sandwich at least once a day, 3 or 4 times a day on the weekends.

        As for the poll question, I’m positive that my significant other would fine me for being way too detailed with every story that I tell. I”m a stickler for the details I guess.

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        TheOtherMe September 7, 2011, 3:42 pm

        That’s what I though, “ham sandwiches” are the best. You can eat them quickly and get on with your day and if you want another one later on, no one needs to know.

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        McLovin September 7, 2011, 4:09 pm

        Who eats a ham and cheese sandwich quickly? The deliciousness of ham meeting cheese should be savored as long as possible, right? Unfortunately, I have to wait at least 4 more hours before her and I are both at home to enjoy our next “sandwich” together.

        On a side note. I’m curious if guys actually do fart in front of their girlfriends on the regular? I mean, does that really need to be part of the poll question? That’s what the garage is for, or so I thought.

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        TheOtherMe September 7, 2011, 4:27 pm

        Well to me, the “ham sandwich” is something you enjoy by yourself.

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        Mainer September 7, 2011, 4:32 pm

        In regards to your side note, that was my sole motivation in getting a dog. They’re always around and they’ll never dispute the blame.

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        McLovin September 7, 2011, 4:54 pm

        Mainer I know enough about you to realize that you love your dog, so knock it off! Stop blaming her for your mistakes.

        TheOtherMe, however, should always be given the tv remote during commercials.

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      • Budj

        Budjer September 7, 2011, 4:14 pm

        I don’t unless it’s really uncomfortable not to…as far as the sandwich metaphor is concerned…sometimes it’s really fun to see how fast you can eat the aforementioned sandwich.

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        TheOtherMe September 7, 2011, 4:29 pm

        I can eat a ham sandwich and be finished before the end of the commercial break.

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    emjay September 7, 2011, 4:16 pm

    I would definately fine him for sleeping with the TV on all the time. Having insomnia is bad enough, but if I shut the TV off so I could try and get some sleep, he jumps right out of a dead sleep and puts it back on! I think seperate rooms might be in order…..or he will just have to get used to sleeping on the couch!!!! LOL 😉

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      iseeshiny September 7, 2011, 10:48 pm

      Yes! I think I have it better than you though because he doesn’t (usually) wake up when I turn it off. I wake up when he turns it on, so I always have to wait for him to fall asleep and then grope around in the dark for the remote. And sometimes that wakes him up and he gets vampire hands and grabs my wrist without opening his eyes. “I’m still avake.” Creepiest thing ever.

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  • avatar

    Michelle September 7, 2011, 3:18 pm

    It’s not a matter of “fining” my spouse were he to cheat; it would be a matter of leaving the cheating spouse. (“One of these things is not like the other.”)

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      silver_dragon_girl September 7, 2011, 4:17 pm

      I would fine him and use the payment to furnish my new single-girl apartment.

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      • Budj

        Budjer September 7, 2011, 4:21 pm

        bachelorette pad.

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        Mainer September 7, 2011, 4:30 pm

        Let’s call NBC, now. New show idea. Never been done. But we must truly reflect the living quarters of single women and their friends. Just off hand, and I’m spitballing here. I’m thinking goose down pillows, boy shorts and spagetti strap tank tops, and a large bed to jump on. That’s the way I heard they live, anyway.

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        lets_be_honest September 7, 2011, 4:32 pm

        ITS TRUE!

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        Mainer September 7, 2011, 4:35 pm

        What can I say, I just understand women.

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    McLaughlane September 7, 2011, 3:24 pm

    Bah, my fiance IS a terrible cook, and I don’t mind. The bright side of it is that he has very low standards when it comes to how his food tastes, so even if I undercook the artichokes or add a pinch too much of something to whatever, he doesn’t notice and usually thinks it tastes great anyways.

    I put “lack of quality time together,” but I would also probably fine him for leaving trash on the counters instead of throwing it away (drives me nuts), and clomping around the house in his damn boots, not taking them off when I ask and then stepping on my feet because he never sees them. My poor toes 🙁

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    lets_be_honest September 7, 2011, 4:28 pm

    I’m guilty of almost all of the things you ladies are complaining of, and I’m a girl. Everything except the farting…girls don’t do that 😉
    No surprise I’m single. Haha.

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    SGMcG September 7, 2011, 5:47 pm

    My husband had this habit of bringing his face to an aromatic plate of food and sniffing it as though it were a line of cocaine. At first, I dismissed it when we first dined in public (if you ate fish tacos with pineapple salsa for the first time, I imagine you’d be excited about the experience too), yet I had to make it known that sniffing your food, to the point that one’s schnoz is nearly touching the plate, is not a good thing to do in public. He rarely does it in public now (I’ll let it slide if we’re eating a meal at home with no company), but every once in awhile, it’ll slip – and he should be fined accordingly.

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      thyme September 7, 2011, 6:23 pm

      that’s hilarious!

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    thyme September 7, 2011, 6:26 pm

    I’d fine my boyfriend for swearing excessively. I don’t mind a little here and there when you need to be really emphatic about something, but when he’s been spending a lot of time with the guys lately it’s like every other word is fuck or shit. It makes him sound like a total douchebag.

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  • fast eddie

    fast eddie September 7, 2011, 7:03 pm

    My #1 gripe is the amount of money she spends on do-dads. There’s no more room in the kitchen drawers for them and making donations to every bleeding heart organization she encounters. We had a big fight over a huge donation she made while both checking accounts were overdrawn. I actually considered divorce over that one.

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    Rachelgrace53 September 7, 2011, 11:55 pm

    I would fine by boyfriend for the sheer amount of time he spends telling me about the new video games he’s excited about.
    This stupid Star Wars MMORPG is coming out and I’ve been hearing about it for MONTHS. Like 9 months. And it’s not even out yet. There’s not even an announced release date yet. But somehow there are endless pictures and videos and blogs from the developers and beta-testers. I’m all for sharing our interests with each other! I mean, I started online gaming because he begged me to. But the endless yammering about this Star Wars game is too much.

    I dread the day it comes out…

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      Ally September 8, 2011, 5:31 am

      Plan a trip, or somehow get away, he probably won’t notice that you’re gone! Haha, my boyfriend certainly wouldn’t. He just loves to tell me all about his games, and I do try, but there’s so much I just don’t understand/care about. The worst thing is when he makes me watch him play, every two minutes it’s “Look at this!! Hahahahahaha!” and if I look away “You’re not watching!” Just like a 5yr old. So I started playing with him so at least I’m not dying of boredom.

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        Rachelgrace53 September 8, 2011, 9:41 pm

        Haha that’s exactly how I feel sometimes! He’s really not as horrible as I made him out to be, but sometimes it’s way too much. Playing a game WITH him has helped make it more interesting though.

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    oppositeofzen September 8, 2011, 8:36 am

    I’d fine my guy for his constant quoting. He (and his brother and his friends) will hear something on the news, tv, youtube, radio, etc., and then walk around for at least 2-3 months saying it all the time.

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