Quickies: “My Boyfriend Had Sex with His Cousin!”
My boyfriend and I have been dating seriously for about a year. We have a long-distance relationship, and this is the second time we’ve dated (except that he says the first time doesn’t count because of the lack of communication at the end). He recently told me that he had sex with his cousin about a year ago, which I think means that it was probably during our break. I think he lost his virginity to her, which is tragic for me to hear since I’m a virgin. His excuse was that he was seduced, but he still still must know it’s wrong and disgusting to have sex with your cousin. I don’t know if I can forgive him or trust him. — Still A Virgin, Not His Cousin
What was your boyfriend’s point in telling you this information? I’d be almost more concerned about that than about his sleeping with his cousin while you were on break (though, come on, that’s… questionable). Did he want to make you jealous? Give you reason to worry? Motivate you to break up with him because he’s too chicken to do it himself? Seek forgiveness from you because he feels so guilty for losing his virginity to his cousin instead of saving it for you? None of these reasons is good, nor is any other reason I didn’t think of. You don’t trust the guy, you have a history of communication problems, and your boyfriend clearly has an issue with owning responsibility for anything (your first break up “doesn’t count” and sleeping with his cousin doesn’t count either because “he was seduced.” Come on!). I’d MOA if I were you; this guy’s a joke.
I’ve been in love for seventeen years with a man I refer to as a “glorified booty call.” I’ve survived his marrying two other women (the marriages were short because our relationship never fully ended), but now I’m dealing with a new problem: a girl he was with got pregnant and is due in February. He isn’t dating her, but he is planning on financially supporting the baby and has already been part of the mother’s prenatal appointments, setting up a baby registry, etc. He and I still have our sexual relationship as always, but his having a baby is upsetting me terribly. Although I can compete with other girls, I cannot compete with a baby. Also, seven years ago I was also pregnant, but we had an abortion. (This new girl didn’t tell him she was pregnant until it was too late to terminate). Yet I always dreamed that one day he and I would end up together with a baby we’d keep and raise. Even if we do that now, it won’t be the same because a baby with me won’t be his first child. How do people deal with the person they love experiencing this miracle with someone else? — Can’t Survive a Baby
This man doesn’t love you and he’s never going to love you. You two will never be married and never be together in any way other than casual sex partners. Be thankful YOU aren’t the one having a baby with a man who has such a terrible track record with commitment and respecting the women he’s made lifelong vows to.
Follow along on Facebook, and Instagram.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.