Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Quote of the Day: Long-term Couples Un-sex-ified

“The majority of people in the study would prefer more sex than they’ve been having. What we’re seeing is that there is quite a gap between a person’s ideal frequency of sex and what they manage to achieve in their relationships.’’said Anthony Smith, deputy director of the Australian Research Center in Sex, Health and Society at La Trobe University in Melbourne.

Professor Smith and his fellow researchers surveyed 3,240 men and 3,304 women in long-term relationships about their satisfaction with their sex lives and discovered — wait for it — people say they aren’t gettin’ it enough. Specifically, 54 percent of the men surveyed and 42 percent of the women said they were unhappy with the frequency of sex in their relationships. So, if all these people are almost equally unhappy and they’re in relationships with each other, why aren’t they doing something about it?

“The real issue here, I think, is that couples are not finding enough time for sex,’’ said Dr. Smith. “I don’t think you can keep forcing more and more activities in people’s lives and still expect them to take the time it takes to have sex, let alone good-quality sex.”

So, put the laundry down, ladies and gents. Turn off the TV. Your taxes can wait ’til tomorrow. Dr. Smith says it’s time to get busy. [via NYTimes]

9 comments… add one
  • avatar

    _jsw_ March 23, 2011, 12:24 pm

    Two small comments: first, interestingly, a decent percentage of the women weren’t happy because they felt they were having too much sex. Second, I’m curious if those polled were asked purely about how they felt about the frequency of sex in their relationships or specifically how they felt about the frequency of sex with their partner. I could surely see cases where someone would want more sex but would at the same time be unhappy with their current partner, so I wonder what the results would be if the question were specifically “would you want more, less, or the same amount of sex with your partner than you’re currently having?” And then, of course, the follow-up would be “would you want more, less, or the same amount of sex overall than you’re currently having?”

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  • avatar

    RoyalEagle0408 March 23, 2011, 12:37 pm

    Oddly enough every one of my female friends complains about not having enough sex and they’re having more than me, but I don’t complain.

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  • avatar

    WatersEdge March 23, 2011, 1:26 pm

    I don’t think that these results were disseminated quite right. These same results could be reported to say that for women, the majority (58%) were satisfied with the frequency of sex, while 28% reported not having enough sex and 14% reported having too much sex. Creating a dichotomy of “happy v. unhappy with amount of sex” doesn’t paint a clear picture.

    They also did not ask a few questions that would have created a much more vivid picture of the dissatisfaction. They don’t discuss how unhappy they are (mildly dissatisfied- very dissatisfied) and how much more or less sex they would need to be having in order to be satisfied. I’m assuming this data was extrapolated from a larger study, because this wasn’t very well thought out research.

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    • avatar

      WatersEdge March 23, 2011, 3:14 pm

      Sorry… didn’t mean to be a jerk about the article.

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      • avatar

        _jsw_ March 23, 2011, 3:17 pm

        You weren’t being a jerk! 🙂

        You raised valid points.

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  • fast eddie

    fast eddie March 23, 2011, 3:33 pm

    There’s such a thing as too much sex? Not to my experience.
    Not enough is I have extensive experience with.

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    • avatar

      Fairhaired Child March 26, 2011, 1:54 am

      Maybe there is if you have a constant “waddle” in your step from “sore parts”. And to some women sex can become uncomfortable depending on their own anatomy, that of their partners, and the duration of the sex.

      While I dont complain about the amount, I do get a waddle now and then with my boyfriend and at that point I raise a white flag of surrender and ask for a few days off lol. Though I can tell my boyfriend most def. gets a kick out of my weird walking – as he says “oh yeah I love how I put that waddle in your walk” 😉 haha

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  • avatar

    jessigurl March 24, 2011, 2:14 am

    I think as relationships last longer the more interesting it should be…a possible quickie here and there is what keeps my relationship going. We like to spice things up and are open about what turns us on. Communication is important. I asked my best friend once how her and her five year relationship stay “hot” in bed and she replied, “Well, (Jason) thinks I’m f**kin’ sexy, and he can’t keep his hands off me.” I realized that I wanted that to, I wanted my man to know I’m sexy and he can put his hands all over me, whenever he wanted.

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  • avatar

    Erica March 24, 2011, 6:39 pm

    i’m in this same boat. my boyfriend and i are done with college but both living at home an hour from each other. when we do get to see each other, family is around. when family isn’t around, we’re busy with other things, or out hiking all day, or too tired. so i know how it feels to not really have time for sex, and when you do, you’re too tired.

    reading this has made me decide to put my foot down. next time we’ve got the house to ourselves and he says “lets go hiking” i’m telling him that he can go, but i’m going to do chores all day in the nude. maybe he’ll change his mind.

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