It’s Wedding Week on Dear Wendy! This week will be chock-full of wedding columns, gift guides, dollar dances and an open bar. If you love wedding content, this is your lucky week. If you hate wedding content, this is your lucky week because open bar. But just kidding about the open bar.
Sandra’s bridal shower is coming up (a big shower with lots of girls) and I RSVPed that I was going, but my husband made plans with his family (whom we do not see much, but I love my in-laws to death!) for the day of her bridal shower without checking my plans, and his parents are super excited for the time together, especially with the baby on the way. His mom has gone all out, planning a day for us together, with shopping, massages, the whole nine yards. This is likely the only time I will see my in-laws before the baby is born, and, even though the timing was a surprise, family is forever and a huge priority to me.
I feel bad, but I told Sandra I cannot make her shower because of the scheduling error, and I don’t want to punish my in-laws for my husband’s mistake. I gave her my regrets, told her I was sorry, and told her that I still had a gift to give her when we could get together next. She kind of flipped out on me. She turned it around on me, telling me that, if I really wanted to be at her shower, I would tell my in-laws I already had plans since her shower is a “once-in-a-lifetime event.”
She made me feel awful, and I told her that and that I was just trying to make a tough call in an awkward situation. The conversation did not end well. Now I do not know what to do; seeing this un-empathetic, ungracious side of her really makes me not want to be friends with her. But is my reaction too harsh? I do not even want to give her the gift I got her. Am I overreacting? — Not Even Invited to the Wedding
This woman sounds horrible and you should consider yourself lucky that you’ve only invested a few months into this friendship. Give her the gift, erase her number from your phone, and be done with it. Or, if you really want to drive home the point, tell her that your baby shower will be the day after her wedding and, if she really wanted to be there for your once-in-a-lifetime event, she would cancel her honeymoon and fly home immediately following her nuptials.
Congratulations on your pregnancy, by the way. Once your baby arrives, you will quickly learn — if you haven’t already — that time is incredibly precious and the people we decide to spend some of ours with should be people who have proven to be worthy of it. This woman has just proven she is not.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.