It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I am a 44-year-old woman dating a 61-year-old man. My question is: what makes a man flirt with other women right in front of you? My boyfriend does this in a joking way, and, while I don’t think he is actually serious about it, it still does not make me feel very good. We have been dating for about five months. I have never let on that it bothers me. — Tired of the Flirting
Your answer lies in your final sentence, my dear.
I been dating this guy for six months now and I’m very unhappy. I have done a lot for him — even moved to the same city he lives in so we’d be 10 minutes from each other. Still, we only see each other once every 2-3 weeks. He has a demanding job and I know he is busy, but I only ask that we spend time with each other once a week for a couple of hours and he can’t even do that. I’m always there when he needs me, but I get nothing in return. Every time I want to break up he doesn’t want me to, and he says he loves me and promises we will spend time together. We have only had sex four times in six months. I have a high sex drive. I met someone else who has been there for me and made me feel like a woman, so, yes, I cheated. I was vulnerable and lonely, but I don’t feel bad cause I was not in a happy relationship. So am I wrong for cheating? I think it’s best for me to move on from this relationship. — Cheater?
Yes, you were wrong for cheating. Yes, you are right for moving on already. Seriously, if you’ve been with someone for only six months and you’ve been consistently unhappy most of that time, there’s no debating it: MOA.
My husband and I have been married five and a half years, and I still do not have a wedding ring from him. When we got married, we used a silver ring I had and had it re-sized to fit my ring finger. I feel deep resentment right now. When we married, we were low on funds and he promised me that. when he got his degree and his engineering job, he would take care of that. Well, he has been at his engineering job for over a year now. I saw a ring I liked — a small sapphire and 10kt gold, but he said no.
What should I say to him to get my point across? — Tired of Being Ringless
Ask him why he said no and if his answer isn’t sufficient or he doesn’t give you a reasonable alternative that you are happy with, stop doing things that make his life easier and more enjoyable (like, having sex with him, for example) until he steps up and gives you the ring he promised you.
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