Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Shortcuts: “Does He Like Me if He’s Sleeping With My Friend?”

It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.

I am a senior in college and I’ve been flirting on and off with this guy since freshman year. We’re in the same friend group and have so much in common and he’s a gentleman around me! Last week when we were in Cancun for spring break, he slept with a mutual friend of ours. The night before, he spent the night rubbing my back while I slept on his chest, and two years ago when he thought I had a boyfriend, he got extremely mad at me and ignored me for days until he found out it wasn’t true. So I’m confused about why he slept with this other girl. What do I do? Does he respect/like me if he’s having sex with my friend even if we’re not together? (Oh, and he has an on/off girlfriend, which is anther story completely!). Is he just too much drama?! — Senior Crush

 
Yes, too much drama. No, he’s not interested in dating you if he’s sleeping with your friend. And no, his having a girlfriend is not, in fact, “another story completely.” It’s part of the same story, the moral of which is: MOA, girl, MOA.

Nick and I have been together for almost a year and half. Within the first six months he asked me to move in with him at his parents’ house, which wasn’t a problem at first because I loved his mom and dad. But shortly after I moved in, his mother became very mean. I would do everyone’s laundry, cook dinner, and clean the house an a daily basis, but Nick’s mother was still hateful toward me. Normally, I would love going places with her, but once she turned so hateful and admitted she was jealous over Nick’s and my relationship, I wanted out of their house. So, I need advice on how to try and get my boyfriend out of his mommy’s house. If we’re not up by 6 am, we have a wake up call by her saying, “Nicky, wake up!” Help me!! — We’re Both Over 18 But Under 30

 
The question should not be how to get your boyfriend to move out of his mommy’s house; it should be: why are YOU still living at his mommy’s house? If you’re over 18 and don’t like living with someone who is hateful to you, jealous of you, and wakes you up at 6 every morning, MOA (Move Out Already).

My friend has a relationship problem I want to help her with. Her boyfriend has a sister he does everything for, like tuck her into bed at night. He doesn’t shower or change his clothes, even though he smokes cigarettes all day, and he doesn’t eat with his girlfriend but will eat with his sister all the time. His sister picks out all his hygiene products for him. When his girlfriend asks what he likes, he doesn’t say anything, but when his sister asks, he tells her and she gets it for him. He drinks coffee all day long and goes to the bathroom a lot — like 3-4 times in a hour. So, can you let us know what your opinion is on this matter? — Just Looking Out For My Friend’s Interest

 
I have someone I’d like to introduce your friend to. His name is MOA and he knows how to treat a lady.
***************

You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.

131 comments… add one
  • avatar

    artsygirl March 22, 2013, 9:03 am

    So confused by the extraneous info in letter three.

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    • Stonegypsy

      the_other_wendy March 22, 2013, 11:41 am

      I’m so glad that wasn’t just me. Like.. “What does him smoking and not showering have to do with his sister?”

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      • AKchic_

        AKchic_ March 22, 2013, 12:36 pm

        I wuld assume that it’s to highlight some of the issues with him. I mean, the sister picks out his hygiene products exclusively. Perhaps she is the one who directs him to the shower and makes him scrub his stinky ass.

        Maybe the boyfriend in letter 3 has some sort of mental issue and the sister is taking charge. Or, they could be co-dependent upon each other to the extreme. Who knows. The “friend” needs to move on and never look back.

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  • avatar

    kerrycontrary March 22, 2013, 9:09 am

    LW1: You and this guy have had 4 years to actually date. If one of you hasn’t stepped up to the plate by now, it’s probably never going to happen. And his on/off girlfriend is probably a huge reason why it hasn’t and won’t happen.
    LW3: You’re friend’s boyfriend sounds really gross and smelly. Why does she like him. At all??

    I’m curious what everyone thinks on the MIL (or mother of boyfriend) being jealous of a girlfriend thing. I think it is fairly common, but I see it as kind of strange (and maybe a little Oedipus complex?). Like a girlfriend isn’t trying to take over the mommy position with a man she dates. Most women REALLY don’t want to be their boyfriend’s mother. So why do mothers feel threatened by the women in their sons lives?

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    • avatar

      Something Random March 22, 2013, 9:49 am

      Maybe watching someone else doing the laundry, cleaning, and cooking (probably everything the mom did for nearly two decades) is weird for the mom? Kind of an empty nest thing without the empty nest?

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    • avatar

      CG March 22, 2013, 9:50 am

      ITA on LW1. If he’s had four years to ask you out and hasn’t, he’s just not that into you. MOA!

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    • avatar

      redessa March 22, 2013, 10:55 am

      I have 3 sons. No, I don’t want any of them to be my boyfriend. But I can kind of see where it will be weird for me when they start getting serious about girls. But I also have 2 girls and I think it will be wierd for me when they start dating as well.

      Part of it is the idea that it signals they’re growing up which means the beginning of the end of this part of my life – the part where my biggest job is being the mom and I’m their go-to person. That’s totally on me to figure out how to deal with when the time comes and I don’t understand why a woman would take those feelings out on the person their child is seeing, but I can understand how a mother could feel like she’s being essentially phased out of her kid’s life. I mean think about it, if you do your job well as a parent the ultimate goal is to send self-sufficient adults into the world, essentially making yourself obsolete.

      As to why this seems to be more prevelant with sons, I think it boils down to the saying “A daughter’s a daughter for all her life. A son’s a son till he get’s a wife.” When I imagine my children as adults, I can picture having an adult friendship with my girls. One where they come to me for advice about their own lives and families and we get together for lunch or go shopping together. Maybe they let me tag along ang help pick out decor for new homes…. things like that. But with my boys, I know it’ll be their wives doing those things with their own mothers. I don’t know where I’ll fit into that picture. I do wonder about how to maintain a relationship with my sons – how I can stay close to them without overstepping. I figure my best bet is to make sure I’m in good with my daughters-in-law (rather than trying to push them aside). My own MIL has been a pretty good example of how to do this so we’ll see.

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      • Skyblossom

        Skyblossom March 22, 2013, 1:05 pm

        Interesting. I don’t have that sense at all with my son. But I also don’t expect to be out shopping with my daughter for her home decor. With both my kids the biggest interaction is sitting around chatting and joking and we can do that whether they are married or not.

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  • avatar

    MMcG March 22, 2013, 9:13 am

    It’s nice to know MOA can have so many functional meanings!

    Some good trainwrecks up there…
    1. The guy is not nice. He’s a shitty user who you are seeing through some crazy thick rose colored glasses!
    2. Did they actually arrange for you to be their maid in lieu of rent? And don’t move in with people after 6 months.
    3. It’s not even clear if your bf talks to you at all, please get help to figure out why you would ever put yourself in this position. I feel icky just thinking of anyone over the age of elementary school being tucked into bed.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 9:25 am

      Or don’t move in with your boyfriend if it really means you’re moving in with his parents, into his parents’ house.

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      • avatar

        MMcG March 22, 2013, 9:47 am

        My bet, especially with the signoff, is that she is 19-20 and he is like 28, neither of them have degrees or good jobs… and her life wasn’t going well and rather than take care of herself she took what she thought was an easy route by shacking up with the family.

        Such a shame that the first day mom came in to wake up “little Nicky” she didn’t get sliced up and beaten from all the red flags whipping about and fled the scene in terror. She’s been there a year. A year of mommy waking them up. I would have lost my shit day 1 and gotten out of there!!

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      • Lindsay

        Lindsay March 22, 2013, 10:19 am

        Yeah, I think this is a big reason not to move in with someone when you’re super young. Because you may think it’s normal to move in with your boyfriend AND his parents.

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      • othy

        othy March 22, 2013, 10:29 am

        I lived with my in-laws for about 3 months when my husband and I were engaged. But, it was because I had just graduated from school and I was actively looking for a job, and I didn’t want to spend all of my savings on rent. And my parents were no longer living in my hometown, so moving home with them wasn’t an option. As soon as I had the job, we moved into an apartment together. It was the longest 3 months of my life, and I actually (mostly) like my in-laws!

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl March 22, 2013, 10:44 am

        I have friends who did this. They moved into her parents house after dating for like 2 years, then 2 years later got engaged, then another 2 years later got married and like a year after that moved out. They’ve been married for 3 years now and together for 9. It can work in SOME cases. But most, I would say not.

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  • avatar

    GatorGirl March 22, 2013, 9:16 am

    “Does He Like Me if He’s Sleeping With My Friend?”

    This title almost made me spit coffee on my computer giggling. Hahaha.

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  • avatar

    Anna March 22, 2013, 9:18 am

    LW1 – Does he respect you? To be honest, it doesn’t sound like he respects women at all if he cheats on his girlfriend. He probably stopped talking to you when he thought you had a boyfriend because it meant there is no chance of hooking up with you (probably the only option he’s trying to keep open with you).

    LW2 – Talk to him about getting a place for just the two of you. If he refuses, get your own place immediately. If he wants to stay at mommy’s house and refuse to be a grown up, let him. His mother is probably feeling slighted because she has always been the #1 woman in his life and now she feels like she’s being replaced. I would be more upset with him than with his mother if he refuses to cut the apron strings after your talk.

    LW3 – Is this letter real? That sounds really freaking weird, and I bet his breath really stinks if he has poor hygiene and spends all day drinking coffee and smoking. Ew.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 9:26 am

      Also, he pees A LOT. wtf was that all about???

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    • avatar

      GatorGirl March 22, 2013, 9:31 am

      I don’t know if the guy LW1 doesn’t respect women. If it’s an on again/off again GF, they very well could have been off so sleeping with with the friend is perfectly acceptable in my mind. Even if it was a one night stand, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t respect women (provided he was broken up with the GF person.)

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      • avatar

        Anna March 22, 2013, 9:52 am

        Ok, that could be the case. If he slept with the LW’s friend while he was in a relationship though, he’s a scumbag. Either way, I think he’s just trying to keep the option of a hookup open with the LW and doesn’t want anything serious.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl March 22, 2013, 10:01 am

        Oh yeah, this guy wants to play the field and hook up with who ever is willing. He’s probably done some shadster stuff. But I don’t know that we need to write him off as disrepecting women- that was all.

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  • Fabelle

    Fabelle March 22, 2013, 9:20 am

    LW1, what are you EVEN talking about? I mean, with the whole “he’s a gentleman around me!” thing. He cuddled with you one night (despite having an on/off girlfriend & being one night away from sleeping with your friend) & one time, didn’t talk to you for days, after becoming “extremely mad” at you for…having a boyfriend? This does not sound like a gentleman. Why are you using that word? Also no, I’m sorry, he does not like OR “respect” you & I think you seriously need to let go of this crush. It should be easy once you realize that he’s actually a jerk.

    LW2—Get out. Just get out of this house. I don’t know why your boyfriend still wants to live there, but I DEFINITELY don’t know why ~you’re~ still living there. Don’t make turn this into “Project: Get Nicky out of his mommy’s house.” Just get yourself out.

    LW3…hahahaha.

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    • avatar

      ebstarr March 23, 2013, 9:39 am

      Maybe “gentleman” is her way of spinning “he never tries to have sex with me” into a sign that he does like her instead of a sign that he doesn’t? She can’t lose!

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  • avatar

    lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 9:27 am

    I think LW3 is one of those ‘So I have this friend…’ but its really herself. Don’t worry LW3. I’d be embarrassed to admit that too! When you’re embarrassed to admit who your bf is, that’s a good reason to MOA.

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray March 22, 2013, 10:08 am

      Dats a good rule to live by.

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  • avatar

    Addie Pray March 22, 2013, 9:29 am

    LW2 – gross – a mom who is jealous of his son’s relationship with you? That’s kind of … Gross. “Gross” is the only word I can think of. Gross and yucky. And icky.

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray March 22, 2013, 9:59 am

      I wrote the above quickly from my iPhone, while standing in rush-hour sidewalk traffic. Now I’ve poured coffee and I am at my desk. I am ready to offer my real advice:

      LW1: Yes, this guy likes you. But more than that, he respects you. See, that’s why he never asked you out in your 4 years of college. He knew he was a jerky kid in college who just wanted you know, to get some ass, but you are not some ass! See? This is why he slept with that other girl in Cancun – because he likes you. See how that works? You should wait for him. He wil be ready for you one day soon.

      LW2: Have you tried getting pregnant? If you had a baby I bet you could get him to agree to get a place of your own, for your growing family. Kids fix all the problems.

      LW3: I think peeing 3-4 times an hour is completely normal when you drink coffee all day. Plus he’s a smoker, so that doesn’t help. I smoked cigarettes in law school and they used to make me have to go number 2 IMMEDIATELY. Smoking may have the same effect on him. That’s my opinion on that – totally normal given the circumstances you described.

      My advice giving is really good today.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 10:02 am

        I must have the strongest bladder in America because I drink an ungodly amount of coffee and never pee. Agreed on the smoking/#2, haha.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl March 22, 2013, 10:04 am

        I drink about 20 oz of water every two hours and pee constantly. It’s really disruptive to life.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 22, 2013, 10:12 am

        What if you have to go really bad during your wedding ceremony, but you can’t? And then what if something makes you laugh and you let a little pee come out because you can’t hold it? … Rah roh!

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 10:16 am

        Yellow wedding dress!

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 22, 2013, 10:21 am

        A light canary yellow for GG but a dark mustard yellow for you considering how infrequently you pee.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 10:22 am

        Oh jeez. Funny Addie!

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 22, 2013, 10:24 am

        Hey you know what would be a fun game to play? We could make a list – a really long, detailed list – of everything that could go horribly wrong in a wedding. I think it would be fun for us and all our engaged friends on DW, no?

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      • Stonegypsy

        the_other_wendy March 22, 2013, 11:51 am

        Funny story – nothing went horribly wrong at my wedding, but there was an extremely uncomfortable moment when my 27 year old friend started grinding against my 16 year old brother. My mom came over to me and demanded to know whether said friend was wearing underwear. Hadn’t been a priority for me to check, but I had to spend the next hour trying to separate them in order to keep my mom from decking her.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 22, 2013, 1:17 pm

        Ha! Your friend was probably mortified the next day.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl March 22, 2013, 10:28 am

        Haha. Trust me I will pee right before we walk in. Bathroom anxiety is the root of my panic attacks so I will not risk it that day!

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 22, 2013, 10:31 am

        What if you forget? What if you are so overwhelmed by everything that you forget? And what if people don’t realize you haven’t gone yet and they opent he doors and start playing the … the song they play when you walk down the aisle? What if you don’t realize you haven’t peed until you’re like 4 pews in!!!???

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 10:33 am

        You’re so mean. Poor GG is gonna have a stroke.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl March 22, 2013, 10:42 am

        Haha, we’re getting married outside, so no doors! Also I won’t forget. It’s litterally not possible. I pee before checking the mailbox I’m so paranoid. Plus our ceremony plus receiving line will mean I have no bathroom access for like almost 2 hours so, yeah…it will be top of my list to pee!

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 22, 2013, 11:08 am

        but WHAT IF YOU FORGET?!

        also what if it rains?

        what if the alcohol supplier gets the dates wrong?!

        what if the weding dress doesn’t fit?

        what if the bridesmaids’ wedding dresses don’t fit?

        what if during the rehearsal dinner you learn that your fiance slept with one of the bridesmaids? would you cancel the weddding? what if it was years ago they jsut didn’t tell you? would you still cancel the wedding?

        what if a bird poops on you as you are walking down the aisle? I’ve been bird pooped on 3 times, once it was just white, once it was white and black and one time it was white and blue. i figured it had eaten berries.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 22, 2013, 11:09 am

        *um, meant just the bridesmaids’ dresses

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl March 22, 2013, 11:14 am

        We don’t have bridesmaids (or any wedding party for that matter) so that takes care of the bulk of that. And if it was years ago, it wouldn’t matter. If it was like the night before…well that’s a HUGE problem and I’d probably just kill him. But I don’t think that’s goign to happen.

        We have an indoor back up location at the site so rain is no big. What else…alcohol supplier, we have to go to the liquor store and beer store and get it ourselves so no date mixing. My dress is in my closet all tailered and ready to go. If anything I’ve been loosing weight so it will be too big.

        A bird shit on my aunt during my mom’s wedding ceremony. It was pretty funny actually.

        Sorry I’m not feeling stressed today!! No fun for AP!

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 22, 2013, 11:20 am

        Boo, GG has her wedding under control. 😉

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 11:24 am

        Is it really a wedding if there are no bridesmaids?

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl March 22, 2013, 11:30 am

        LBH you’d be surprized the reactions we get when we say no wedding party. People are like “whattttttttttt??? Why? How? Who will stand beside you??” It’s ridiculous.

        AP I am stressed about addressing invitations this weekend. My hand hurts after like 2 and I have 119 to do. Boo. And I won’t let my fiance do any because his handwritting sucks.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 22, 2013, 11:46 am

        oh my goodness let him do half. make him do half. let him do his people and you can do your people.

        no one, NO ONE, NO ONEEEEE is going to appreciate the lovely handwriting on the evelope. Or even notice it. You know how many wedding invitations I tore into without reading the envelops since I moved into my new condo 5 months ago? Four. And they were all for the prior tenant of my condo who did not change his address. but i didn’t notice, i was just so excited to not get junk mail that i opened them.

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      • Stonegypsy

        the_other_wendy March 22, 2013, 11:53 am

        GG, try just printing out the addressed envelopes. Saved us a ton of time and hand cramps.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl March 22, 2013, 11:57 am

        Hahaha AP that is too funny! I always notice and sometimes keep the envelope, perhaps I am weird. I’ll at least let him address the one’s to his friends I think. Maybe.

        I tried printing them too and the ink doesn’t look good on the paper. It’s sort of blurry. We still have about 10 days until they need to go into the mail so I think I can handle writing them all. I think.

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      • Fabelle

        Fabelle March 22, 2013, 11:02 am

        I heard that some brides wear diapers during their wedding for this very reason.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary March 22, 2013, 11:13 am

        Shut the front door, they do not! Do they!? I always have to pee whenever I’ve been in weddings. And I get really shiny when I get nervous. I also usually get a hormonal zit about 2 hours into the day from the stress. Can’t wait to be a hot mess of a bride some day….

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl March 22, 2013, 11:17 am

        I’ve heard people wear diapers in Times Square on NYE. GROSS. There will be no diapers on my wedding day unless a guest throws a fit about their brat kid not being invited and I cave in.

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      • avatar

        Grilledcheesecalliope March 22, 2013, 3:06 pm

        That is horrifying.

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      • MELH

        MELH March 22, 2013, 2:50 pm

        I made sure to go before the start of my wedding mass….then I got stage fright from having 2 people in the stall with me! So I had another bridesmaid running the sink and then one started singing I’m a little teapot and I finally managed to go!

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      • avatar

        MMcG March 22, 2013, 10:12 am

        When LW2 writes back in pregnant we will know who to blame 😉

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      • avatar

        sarolabelle March 22, 2013, 2:43 pm

        I wonder if he smokes while he is using the bathroom.

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  • Amybelle

    Amybelle March 22, 2013, 9:49 am

    I can’t wait until one of my sons is old enough to have a girlfriend move in and do all the cooking, laundry, and cleaning…I won’t be jealous one bit!

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 9:52 am

      Hell yea! Maybe I need to have a son!

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  • katie

    katie March 22, 2013, 9:51 am

    LW1 is the female version of the “nice guy”. ” I’ve been flirting on and off with this guy since freshman year. We’re in the same friend group and have so much in common and he’s a gentleman around me!….. he spent the night rubbing my back while I slept on his chest, and two years ago when he thought I had a boyfriend, he got extremely mad at me and ignored me for days until he found out it wasn’t true” = love, or at least equals the fact that this guy *should* be pursuing the LW.

    LW, not every man you encounter in your life wants to date you. not every man is a potential love interest. and, not every man who is decent to you, or even flirts with you wants to date you! shocking, i know, but the people who want to date you will date you. they will approach you with that intention. they will make their intentions known.

    LW2, if your boyfriend 1. is not standing up for, and 2. refuses to leave his parents house, really, where is the question? thats ridiculous. MOA.

    LW3 i really want to call fake on this. but those details are too weirdly specific so i feel like maybe not fake? i dont know. either way, your “friend” is dumb for putting up with something that she doesnt want to.

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    • avatar

      MMcG March 22, 2013, 10:14 am

      And #1… Next time just ask the guy out. All this flirting for 4 years did nothing but create some fantasy for you. Live in reality. Which means putting yourself out there and potentially getting rejected.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 10:33 am

        But sometimes those imaginary fantasy relationships are the BEST. Plus you can’t get pregnant.

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      • Skyblossom

        Skyblossom March 22, 2013, 11:04 am

        I like the can’t get pregnant part. I wonder if I can interest my daughter in lots of fantasy relationships when she is older, like all the way through college older.

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    • Lindsay

      Lindsay March 22, 2013, 10:17 am

      Totally agree about LW1. It sounds a lot like me and my friends when I was in high school. We thought that a guy flirting with us once must mean that he wanted to date us and would wait patiently to see if he asked us out. Surprisingly, no, that wasn’t what it was. Honestly, the LW probably hallucinated the guy being mad at her and ignoring her when he thought she had a boyfriend. If she already thought/hoped he liked her, I could see her projecting his supposed anger onto the situation and thinking that him not paying her much attention was because he was upset.

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  • avatar

    ReginaRey March 22, 2013, 9:10 am

    LW1: As a general rule, one instance of (likely drunken, horny-induced) backrubbing and one instance of jealousy two years ago does not a love story make. You’re straining and grasping to see something that’s absolutely non-existent…so why is that? What’s going on with the old self-esteem, hmm?

    LW2: I really only have one question for you – Why are you attracted to a man who wanted you to move in with his parents and whose mommy is jealous of you? OK two questions – Is this not a lady-boner killer? Nevermind, I can’t contain myself — Why?? How?? What happened in your life to make you accept this situation as healthy and normal and mature??

    LW3: Yessssss, your “friend.” Mmmhmm.

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    • avatar

      MMcG March 22, 2013, 9:15 am

      Thought the same thing on #3… I really hope “her friend” pulls her head out of her ass!

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  • avatar

    lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 10:11 am

    How much coffee do you guys drink?

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray March 22, 2013, 10:13 am

      3-4 cups a day. You?

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 10:16 am

        Double that on most weekdays. All the pee talk got me thinking about it. I could probably go 2 days without peeing if I tried.

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        Addie Pray March 22, 2013, 10:18 am

        That makes me sad. I love peeing! There is something really satisfying when you hold all that pee in and and you have to go really bad and you wait and wait then you finally get to the toilet and … Ahhhhhhhhhh it feels so good to let it out. No?

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 10:24 am

        It does. So funny, but it really feels like a release, and I feel less bloated after too.

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        Addie Pray March 22, 2013, 10:29 am

        I like it when I have to go SOOOOOO bad that when i finally do it’s such a relief that I get tears in my eyes. In fact I think i’m going to go drink a lot of water but make a rule that I can’t go to the bathroom until…. noon.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl March 22, 2013, 10:31 am

        pee-gasim! That’s what I call those moments.

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      • avatar

        Wendy's Dad March 22, 2013, 11:02 am

        But AP, make sure the billable clock is ticking while you are peeing.

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        Addie Pray March 22, 2013, 11:21 am

        I bill in minimum increments of 6 minutes. I’ll have to hold it a long time to bill 0.1.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow March 22, 2013, 10:33 am

        Like, half a pot.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 10:35 am

        So are you a coffee snob, or just drink whatever’s available? My brother got me into grinding my own beans and is always harassing me to try the fanciest brewer and beans around.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl March 22, 2013, 10:40 am

        We used to drink Dunkin Doughnuts all the time but now we’ve switched to the grocery store organic, fair trade stuff- Publix Greenwise Organic, Fair Trade coffee. It’s yummy.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 11:22 am

        I’ll drink whatever’s available at my office. They won’t get a Keurig bc of how much coffee I drink 🙁 At home I use the dunkin beans that I grind myself. Soo yummy.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl March 22, 2013, 11:28 am

        Oh Keurigs are the worst! So bad for the enviornment all those little cups!! Only way I can support individual serving coffee makers is if you use the little refillable filter thing.

        Also they make more noise than a spaceship.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 12:03 pm

        My dad has the newer version and its very quiet. The old ones are super loud.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow March 22, 2013, 11:02 am

        I’m NOT a coffee snob at all. I will drink any coffee as long as I get to have coffee. Folgers, gas station (actually 7 Eleven coffee is quite tasty), whatever. Lately I’ve been buying Gevalia, though – it’s awesome.

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      • avatar

        bethany March 22, 2013, 11:02 am

        I’m not a snob, but I drink my coffee black, so it’s gotta be good coffee. Right now I’m using a mix of Trader Joes Costa Rican and Chock Full O Nuts.

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    • avatar

      MMcG March 22, 2013, 10:16 am

      Depends. But it can easily be 3-4 cups. And I have no shame going back to the warm pot of coffee at 2 and just adding more sugar 😉

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 22, 2013, 10:19 am

        I drink my coffee black. Which, did you know, if you’re in the East Coast and someone says “how do you like your coffee,” you should say BLACK. I said “regular” and they loaded it with cream and sugar, gross!

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 10:23 am

        That’s true. I assumed you had to order black everywhere.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 22, 2013, 10:27 am

        I usually do say “black” but sometimes I get overwhelmed by all the chocies and I can’t see on the board where it just lists regular coffee (“regular” meaning not a latte and not a frappamawhatever) so I say, “I just want a cup of regular coffee.” But I don’t mean “regular” regular. Anyhoo, I learned my lesson. That time on the east coast I kept saying “I just want a cup of regular coffee and black” and the lady was so confused.

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 22, 2013, 10:28 am

        And she was like, “do you want it regular or black” and I was like “yes.” Very awkward exchange.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 10:31 am

        haha

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      • avatar

        Addie Pray March 22, 2013, 10:32 am

        Where the hell is everybody? You’d think our converastion about going potty was not interesting or something.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl March 22, 2013, 11:10 am

        DW is a little quiet it seems. People must be working haha.

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      • CatsMeow

        CatsMeow March 22, 2013, 10:59 am

        I’ll say “plain coffee.”

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    • avatar

      SweetPeaG March 22, 2013, 10:19 am

      Only one. I get too jittery if I have more.

      But, I do drink a lot of water… so therefore, I pee a lot. I wonder what the third letter writer would think of me.

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    • avatar

      kerrycontrary March 22, 2013, 10:25 am

      1 think of 16oz tea or 12 oz coffee a day. I like coffee but it gives me heartburn if I drink it too often. I also can’t have caffiene more than once a day because of my migraines. BOOO.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 10:30 am

        Caffeine keeps my migraines away!

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary March 22, 2013, 10:38 am

        yeh it’s a weird individual thing. I take excedrin (which has caffiene) when i feel one coming on (I have prescription medicine for them as well), but having too much caffiene can trigger one.

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      • Skyblossom

        Skyblossom March 22, 2013, 11:26 am

        My son was having a lot of trouble with migraines and so I researched them on the internet and found that magnesium helps most people. He started taking magnesium and took it daily for several years and didn’t have any migraines. Then he started skipping it and had a migraine and then started taking it every day and has been migraine free for several years again.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 11:30 am

        Yes, I take mag 300mg for migraine prevention. I was once hospitalized over a migraine. It was so bad they thought I might have had MS. What an awful experience. Thank god it has never been that bad again. I feel for people with frequent migraine attacks.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl March 22, 2013, 11:40 am

        My mom used to get need to be hospitalized migraines like once a month for about 5 years. They tried everything- medicine, diet changes, etc etc. It’s finally “under control” but she still gets a stay in bed all day with the lights out migraine like once a month. My aunt and grandmother get them too. I refuse to call anything I’ve ever experienced a migraine because of what they go through. None of myheadaches have ever compaired.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 11:43 am

        I admit I used to be an a-hole about people who claimed their migraines were sooo bad. Like, how bad can a headache possibly be? Til I got one myself.

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      • avatar

        GatorGirl March 22, 2013, 12:00 pm

        My mom’s didn’t start until she tried to go on the pill. Luckily I didn’t start getting them when I went on it, but I’m fairly concerned about going off and getting pregnant and what that might do.

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      • Skyblossom

        Skyblossom March 22, 2013, 12:00 pm

        I think my son is taking 400mg per day and he’s 6’2″ and about 200 pounds and that amount works for him. He would be nauseous and throwing up every time he had a migraine and couldn’t keep any medication down so once the migraine would start he couldn’t do anything but lay in bed.

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      • avatar

        kerrycontrary March 22, 2013, 11:38 am

        I take magnesium too! Just started this year. I’ve also been avoiding gluten. Not totally gluten free, but my one friend with migraines went gluten free and it has helped her a lot. Something about reducing inflammation in the body. I get them frequently, have been to the ER 3-4 times in my life for really bad ones that last a few days. They suck donky balls, but I’m thankful I don’t have more serious health problems.

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    • avatar

      GatorGirl March 22, 2013, 10:27 am

      Only 1 or 1.5, we make a little pot at home every morning and that’s all for the day.

      Reply Link
    • katie

      katie March 22, 2013, 10:49 am

      i try not to even drink it everyday, because i dont want to get myself addicted to caffeine, but when i do drink it i will drink a DW-mug-ish size. just one.

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    • avatar

      bethany March 22, 2013, 11:01 am

      I make 3.5 cups in the morning, and that’s usually all I have for the day. So about 20oz.

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    • Fabelle

      Fabelle March 22, 2013, 11:07 am

      I have one in the morning, & sometimes one in the afternoon. I drink tea a lot too though, & sometimes (like today) a Red Bull. So there’s still a lot of caffeine in my system…

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    • avatar

      redessa March 22, 2013, 12:53 pm

      None. I’ve never had a single sip. It’s part of my religion not to drink coffee (or tea or alcohol). I don’t even like the smell of it. I did one time accidentally buy some mocha flavored cocoa mix. It didn’t have any actual coffee beans in it so I tried it. I thought it was nasty.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 1:12 pm

        Whoa, really? I’ve never heard of no coffee as a religion rule. Its definitely an acquired taste for sure!

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      • kare

        kare March 22, 2013, 10:32 pm

        Some religions consider caffeine a drug and therefore don’t drink it. I think there’s also something about no hot beverages for the LDS Church.

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  • avatar

    SweetPeaG March 22, 2013, 10:17 am

    To the 3rd letter writer… who is “us”? Is someone else writing the letter with you? It is strange that you start the letter with “I” and end it with “us”. I am weirded out by you and your letter.

    Reply Link
  • bagge72

    bagge72 March 22, 2013, 9:40 am

    My guess is that LW2 has no money, and needs her boyfriend to move out of the house with her to afford a place. Move back in with your own parents.

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  • avatar

    sarolabelle March 22, 2013, 11:04 am

    Wendy, it is okay if you get letters like this all the time. None of us readers would mind Shortcuts two times a week!

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    • avatar

      Addie Pray March 22, 2013, 11:13 am

      But then how would I know it’s Friday?! I vote for no change.

      Reply Link
  • avatar

    Amber March 22, 2013, 11:09 am

    Why does the boyfriend need hygiene products if he doesn’t shower?

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    • Lindsay

      Lindsay March 22, 2013, 11:25 am

      He has to get sprayed down with Lysol every couple of days.

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      • avatar

        lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 11:29 am

        No joke, Peter did that to my sister’s boyfriend once thinking he was all stealth. It was hilarious. Then sprayed down his coat when he wasn’t around.

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    • avatar

      GatorGirl March 22, 2013, 11:32 am

      Seriously I wondered that too. I saw some chick on tv recently who didn’t shower, she just wiped herself down with baby wipes. BARF.

      Reply Link
  • Heather

    Heather March 22, 2013, 11:11 am

    LW 1, I don’t know if you ever read the book “Flipped” but I remember when he tells her (in reference to the boy she’s in love with) that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. You’re not looking at the bigger 4 year picture here, you’re looking at a sum of a couple of small things that do not mean shit. MOA girl.

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  • Skyblossom

    Skyblossom March 22, 2013, 11:18 am

    LW2 if your boyfriend won’t leave his mommy there is no future to your relationship.

    His mom is probably more annoyed with you for moving in because she is having to support you along with her deadbeat son and that probably drastically changed her opinion of you. Did you ask her if you could move in before moving in? Are you paying rent? Are you paying your share of the utilities? You may feel that you are doing your share by doing household chores but if his parents didn’t agree to that arrangement they could still be very angry about supporting you. Having someone dump themself on you financially is not endearing.

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  • KKZ

    KKZ March 22, 2013, 11:50 am

    LW1, were you in a relationship with this guy? Did you agree to be exclusive?

    NO??

    Then him sleeping with your friend is officially none of your business and has nothing to do with you. End of story!

    Even if he may have had his eye on you at one point, after four years of being in the Friend Zone (even a flirty friend zone), his eye has wandered elsewhere. As should yours.

    Reply Link
  • TaraMonster

    TaraMonster March 22, 2013, 10:52 am

    YES! Friday brought out the crazy I’ve been longing for! Now to read the comments…

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  • avatar

    6napkingburger March 22, 2013, 11:55 am

    Re: Letter 1: I think some of us forget what it was like to be in college. He could very well like her even though he slept with someone else on spring break — especially drunken and after a night of cuddling but with no sex from the girl he actually likes. And having an on again off again girlfriend doesn’t necessarily make him a cheater — it could be off right now. And he could be a good guy, and they could just have really crappy timing. So it is possible. And college is about having those over the top , no one understands us loves that are so passionate and so satisfying when they are consummated. So I say, go for it, get together with this guy (using every type of protection imaginable) and enjoy your romance until it blows up in your face, leaving you heartbroken. That too is part of that type of relationship. Just as long as you don’t think about this being long term or marriage material, enjoy!

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  • avatar

    6napkinburger March 22, 2013, 11:56 am

    Re: Letter 1: I think some of us forget what it was like to be in college. He could very well like her even though he slept with someone else on spring break — especially drunken and after a night of cuddling but with no sex from the girl he actually likes. And having an on again off again girlfriend doesn’t necessarily make him a cheater — it could be off right now. And he could be a good guy, and they could just have really crappy timing. So it is possible. And college is about having those over the top , no one understands us loves that are so passionate and so satisfying when they are consummated. So I say, go for it, get together with this guy (using every type of protection imaginable) and enjoy your romance until it blows up in your face, leaving you heartbroken. That too is part of that type of relationship. Just as long as you don’t think about this being long term or marriage material, enjoy!

    Reply Link
  • avatar

    Kelly March 22, 2013, 12:43 pm

    In Letter number two, Mom is passive aggressive. She doesn’t want you living there, but she doesn’t have the nerve to say it out right, so she says it in her actions. She probably doesn’t even want her son there and would probably be ecstatic if you both moved out.

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  • avatar

    Caris March 22, 2013, 1:43 pm

    ermahgerd

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  • AKchic_

    AKchic_ March 22, 2013, 12:44 pm

    LW1: Dude doesn’t want to date you. If he did, he would have asked you already. This guy wants to be FWB and bang the shit out of you. I’m sorry, but I don’t lay on a guy for 2 hours while he rubs me and not expect sex. To him, you show signs of wanting him (or his body), and that’s all he really wants. He got mad at you for having a boyfriend (when you didn’t) because you are that hill he needs to climb. He screwed your friend the next day during spring break because he wasn’t getting any action with you.

    Am I saying bang him? No. I’m saying you need to walk away from this mess. If you aren’t going to deal with teh sexual tension between you two by fucking, then please, tone down your behavior towards him. It’s sending mixed signals.

    LW2: YOU move out of the bf’s parents house. Did his parents agree to let you move in? Or did he move you in and say “oh, yeah, she’s here now”? That could be one factor. Another is the Aphrodite/Psyche complex. Look it up.
    Move out. If your boyfriend follows, great. If he doesn’t, well, that’s on him. You can still be in a relationship without living together. It sounds like you’ve become the live-in maid. Just leave and be happier. If the boyfriend gets mad about you moving out and won’t come with you, and pesters you to come back, well… maybe a full break-up is necessary. You’re too old to be living with somebody’s parents if you can support yourself.

    LW3 – yeah, a “friend”. Dude is seriously co-dependent on his sister. If he isn’t going to open up and share what his favorite soaps and shaving creams are, why is she (you?) still there? It’s been a year and a half. You should be able to know this. Also – why the fuck doesn’t he just buy his own? He’s a grown-ass man. Big boys buy their own hygiene products.
    The showering? If he isn’t showering, I wouldn’t be sleeping with him. At all. Ew. It’s gross. Depression a factor?

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  • avatar

    Jen March 22, 2013, 1:57 pm

    I wonder if the guy in letter #3 is actually peeing when he’s in the bathroom 3-4 times an hour. The first thing I thought of when I read this is that he’s covering for a drug habit. I could be way off base though.

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    • AKchic_

      AKchic_ March 22, 2013, 2:26 pm

      Chronic masturbator? Needing a fix every 15 minutes isn’t exactly “norm” for addicts.

      Although, he could have a UTI.

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  • avatar

    sarolabelle March 22, 2013, 2:54 pm

    so how many times has a guy spent the entire night with you just rubbing your back? It just doesn’t happen….sure it may happen for 5 minutes but the whole night? Poor guy was probably like “how long do I have to do this before I get some? Oh now she is sleeping…. Hmm.” And then he probably tried the hug and roll. The LW doesn’t know what hug and roll is because she is too young.

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    • avatar

      lets_be_honest March 22, 2013, 2:54 pm

      Hahhaha

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    • AKchic_

      AKchic_ March 22, 2013, 3:18 pm

      Yeah… a guy only does that when he thinks he’s going to get laid partially because of it.

      Exceptions:
      When the woman in question is his SO already and she’s pregnant. Because he does NOT want those hormones turned against him.
      When a female’s close relative has passed away and she is crying/inconsolable. Sex is of the table for at least the first 24-48 hours.
      When the male in question is gay. And even then, he probably won’t rub you for longer than 30 minutes and you must reciprocate.

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  • avatar

    sassygirl July 19, 2013, 4:14 pm

    Is this for real???

    No, he’s not interested in you. He is a player… get over it.

    Reply Link

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