It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I’m 21 and my 19-year-old boyfriend broke up with me a couple of weeks ago. To make a long story short, he no longer wanted to be in a relationship. Since then we have been texting almost every day and FaceTiming (only). Even though he maintains that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, when we are together it feels like we never broke up. He even looks in my eyes and tells me multiple times that he loves me. Part of me thinks that I should stop talking to him because he stated that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. However, the other part of me truly believes that he is confused and that eventually we will get back together. Best part yet: my period is late!!! What should I do? — Fake Cougar Ex
He dumped you. Why are you texting and FaceTiming every day? If you’re hoping you might eventually get back together, you have to actually create some space and distance for the missing you to happen (not that it necessarily will, but it definitely won’t if you’re always in touch and always available when he wants to talk). Finally, if your period is late, take a pregnancy test for crying out loud. And see a doctor about STD testing, too. When a 19-year-old boy dumps a girlfriend he says he loves, it’s usually because he wants to screw someone else (and may have already started before he dumped you).
I’ve been seeing my boyfriend now for about nine months, but we just recently made it official. Although we have a title, according to me everything is not fine. He is a business owner and a full-time father and completely married to his business and family. He rarely has time to take me on dates or surprise me with gifts. When we do spend time together, he’s exhausted and I get only a few hours of talking before he is out cold. How can I incorporate myself into his circle more? I’ve been patient and pleasing, but now we are going on a year and I would like to get a little more out of the relationship. I’m not sure what the next move is? — Needs More
Why did you make it “official” if you aren’t happy in the relationship? And why didn’t you use that milestone as an opportunity to discuss your needs and how they aren’t being met? Obviously, a “title” doesn’t mean squat if you aren’t getting what you want. So communicate to your boyfriend that you would like more of his time and to feel better integrated into his life. If you don’t see a change in the next few weeks, I think you need to chalk this up to being at different places in your life and not being a good match for each other right now.
I’ve been single for a year now. I’m pretty and intelligent and, yeah, I know I’m a catch. Most of my friends don’t know why I’m still single and they think I’m not over my ex, but the truth is I’ve not met the guy who I really want to get to know. Recently, my friend tried hooking me up, but I couldn’t make it to the date because I had to do my nails. I passed by her house afterward and the guy came by with a friend I had met once. They both took my number and I started talkin’ and Skyping with the other guy. Two weeks later, the friend came back to town for business and we hung out. He kissed me and I responded. I mean, a girl has to live, right? My date told me the next day that he’s coming to town and he wants to get to know me. I decided to come clean about kissing his friend, and he cancelled our plans. Truth is, I really liked him just from our first meeting, but now he doesn’t want to ruin his friendship with his friend since he thinks his friend likes me (but to his friend, what happened is purely physical). — Regretting The Kiss
I guess there are two lessons here: nails can wait; if you like a guy and he asks for your number, don’t kiss a friend while you’re waiting for him to call.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.