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It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I’m 29 and my boyfriend is 42. We were sweet and loving with each other until recently when he had problems of a downgraded status in his job, the government implementing new rules, his car not functioning well and a lack of sex drive, all of which caused him a lot of unhappiness. I am pretty certain he is frustrated with all these and not managing well. I’m impatient and got a little upset with his withdrawal from me and started punishing him by abandoning him and planning my own activities instead of inviting him along (as whenever I invited him for an activity, he would be too lazy to join).
Now, I feel disconnected from him. I do not understand why and how come we can be in the romantic stage without it leading to any sex. After a year now he, too, is finally telling me that he finds it weird that there isn’t any sex and that what he feels for me has become brotherly love. He says he needs a mother figure — someone who can guide and advise him. I thought he was going to break up with me. Then he said he needed a month to think and suggested we meet once a week while and that I should not stay over at his place for now. What should I do? — Tired of His Shit
Brotherly love = MOA.
I’ve been dating this guy for almost three years now and during this time we have had our ups and downs. There was a time we broke up and moved on, but we eventually got back together after a short while. During the time we were together he had a one night with his ex, who would continually provoke me. Then recently he told me he found out his ex is pregnant, so I seriously don’t know what to do although there is a chance it’s not his kid. I’ve been supporting him and I just feel sad because he betrayed my trust. There are days I feel I should just let go, but other times I feel he needs me …what should I do? — Betrayed
If the best or only reason you can come up with to stay in a rocky relationship with a guy who cheated on you is that sometimes you feel like he needs you, it’s time to move on.
I’ve been seeing this guy off and on for about five months. We recently got more serious. We see each other about once a week, chat all the time, tell each other everything, and are honest with each other. We’ve had our ups and downs and stopped talking twice. He says he loves spending time with me and is not looking for anyone else, but he won’t take the commitment further. I know he is unstable job-wise and looking to study further and only recently got over his ex. Am I asking to much? Should I just relax and go with the flow? He loves spending time with me, but says he can’t offer more at the moment. — Wants More
Dating off and on with a series of ups downs in a time period of less than six months = MOA. Ditch the guy and find someone who is looking for the same thing you are.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.