It’s time for Wedding Week Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
So, your part is to come up with the idea and his part is to finance it? That seems unfair. If you really want him to help you plan and to gauge his commitment to tying the knot, why don’t you sit down and discuss your budget, ask him what he envisions for your wedding, and decide what steps you need to start taking — i.e. saving money, committing to a date and location — to be ready for wedding in ten months. It probably wouldn’t hurt you to take a look at these 15 topics every couple should discuss before getting married; something tells me there might be a few you guys have skipped.
No, don’t ask your in-laws, who live paycheck to paycheck, to help pay for your rehearsal dinner! If they want to contribute to your wedding, they’ll let you know. A rehearsal dinner is typically for the people who are in your wedding — the people who have to rehearse walking down the aisle and taking their places, etc. — and can be as fancy as a five-star, multi-course, sit-down dinner, or as casual as a back yard BBQ or an evening at a pizza joint. Decide what your budget is and go from there. If you want to do something for your out-of-town guests, which is nice but certainly not necessary, consider hosting/organizing a brunch the morning after the wedding, which could be as simple as bagels, some cream cheese, a fruit platter and coffee (much cheaper than including all of them in your rehearsal dinner!).
I would love for E’s wedding to help me repair these friendships, but I realize that probably won’t happen. I would hope we can all be pleasant and friendly to each other, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they just ignore me. Should I say something beforehand to clear the air? Should I just wait and see how things go when I see them? Let them make the first move? — Nervous About Burned Bridges
A wedding really isn’t the best place to try to mend broken friendships with people you haven’t seen or spoken to in ten years, and saying something beforehand could prove to make things more awkward than you already fear they will be. Just go to the bridal shower and wedding prepared to be cordial, knowing that the worst that will happen is you’ll be ignored by people you don’t even really know anymore, which certainly isn’t the worst thing in the world. At best, you’ll have an opportunity to show through your behavior that you’re a different person today — maybe even one your former high school friends would be interested in getting to know.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.