It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
If you have reasons to mistrust your boyfriend, then it doesn’t matter whether he goes to the strip clubs or not. Your trust for him doesn’t increase or decrease by where he spends his time. That isn’t how trust works. You either trust the guy or you don’t, and, clearly, you don’t. If he were to stop going to strip clubs, there would probably be some other behavior of his that would worry you because you don’t trust him. Deal with THAT and, if you can’t, then, yes, MOA and raise your baby as a single parent.
It’s ironic that your sister thinks you have a man who takes care of you when, clearly, if it weren’t for your needing your sister’s help buying groceries (and paying bills?), then it seems like she and your boyfriend wouldn’t have the opportunity to spend so much time alone together. But even if you do need her help, there’s no reason it always has to be your boyfriend who runs these errands with her. Why can’t you go along? Why can’t your boyfriend stay home (and watch your little girl if you don’t want to take her)? Why do you never leave your home? The problem here is that you aren’t spending enough quality time with your boyfriend (do you EVER have dates? do you ever do anything fun together just the two of you?) and he is finding the companionship he craves in the woman who is available to him — your sister. So stop giving them opportunities to spend alone time together and make alone time for the two of you a bigger priority.
Is it normal for someone to meet up with a relative in another country while in that country for work or pleasure? Yes. Even if that person is a relative by marriage, that seems like a normal thing to do. If the online chatting and sending of explicit jokes between your husband and your cousin causes you concern though, you need to pay attention to your gut and talk with him about your suspicions. Like the first letter in today’s shortcuts, if you don’t trust your man, you need to deal with that. If you are snooping in his phone and social media accounts (which is how I assume you know details about his correspondence with your cousin), you obviously have trust issues. Deal with those — seek the help of a therapist — and stop fixating on the details of your husband’s behavior because that’s not going to get you anywhere.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].