It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
Yeah, of course he’s hiding something from you (and this suspicion shouldn’t be that “deep inside.” It’s so obvious, it really should be tap-dancing on the surface). But the bigger problem is that you’re wanting to talk marriage with a man whose home you’ve never been to and kids you’ve never met. How low are your expectations of a quality relationship if this is what you consider strong and serious enough to broach marriage? MOA and aim higher next time!
Uh…yeah, you’re being selfish. He just lost one of the closest people to him three days ago and you’re worried that he’s not giving you, someone he’s been “talking with” for all of two months, enough attention? You’re seriously “trying not to show him your frustration”??? Chill out and let him grieve — and share his grief — in his own way. If you want to show support, you could drop off food for him/his family, send a thoughtful card, and ask when the funeral/memorial is and whether you can go. Respect what his needs are now and don’t make this about you. This is NOT the time to analyze his behavior to figure out how he feels about you. His behavior right now has nothing to do with you. He’s just trying to wade through his grief.
Yes, you are crazy. You’ve been with a guy for a month and he’s asking you to commit to helping him raise his six — and soon-to-be SEVEN — kids? (When you already have three of your own!). Oh, hell no. Run, girl, run!
P.S. Birth Control! Birth Control! Birth Control!!
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.