It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
What is it about your boyfriend adding these women that bothers you? Do you think he might cheat on you with one of them (even though they live in different countries)? Are you afraid he might have internet relationships with them? Are you embarrassed by what other people might think seeing all his half-assed-dressed FB friends? Or are you simply bothered by the idea of his looking at and enjoying scantily-clad women? Narrow down what it is you don’t like, talk to him about it, and accept that, if he continues adding the women and you continue being bothered by it, then maybe you aren’t a good match and it’s time to MOA.
He’s telling you the truth — he’s not ready. And he may never be ready. The pregnancy was probably a distraction from his not-readiness. It didn’t make him MORE ready — it just gave you both something else to temporarily focus on, but now the distraction is gone and his not-readiness is back to being front and center. And look, just because he misses you doesn’t mean he wants to be back together with you. And just because you love him doesn’t mean he’s the right man for you. If he’s friended sexy girls on Facebook and you’ve always had a problem with it, I don’t know why you’d think that would suddenly change. Obviously, he isn’t ready to be committed to you, and, even if he were, you’d still have to deal with this issue that has plagued your entire relationship. Just because you want to magically be back together and happy again doesn’t mean there’s any chance of that happening or that it’s the right thing. Honestly, I’d MOA if I were you.
Um, you say: “Hey mom, I won’t be home tonight. I didn’t want you to worry. I’ll be spending the night at my boyfriend’s house. If you need anything, give a call.” And, honestly, if your mother is so controlling or your boundaries are so loose that, at 28, you’re scared of her reaction when you spend the night at your boyfriend’s place, maybe you two shouldn’t be living together anymore.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.