It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
It’s not too soon if you: a) can comfortably afford a plane ticket; b) have reasonable expectations (i.e. understand that the chemistry might not be there in person and it’s probably for the best to figure that out sooner rather than after weeks or months of long-distance communicating); c) have at least one mutual contact who can vouch for him as a trustworthy person OR have a hotel where you can stay at least until you feel comfortable in his presence; d) let a few people close to you know where and when you’re going so they can make sure you get home safely.
Well, what are you doing with yourself if you aren’t in school? If you’re sleeping all day, I gather you don’t have a job? Get a job! Go to school! Stop pinning your whole life on this dude. You don’t know where he’s going to end up or whether it’s a place you’ll even want to live. The life of a military spouse is hard enough without having any education or college degree or job skills (or job experience) to fall back on or to even just supplement your days of waiting for your man to come back from training or deployment or whatever else the military has in store for him. Make yourself a priority and you won’t be so depressed.
You know, some people just have a really hard time saying the words, because they’re awkward or they’ve been burned or because they grew up without saying or hearing “I love you.” If your girlfriend is showing you she loves you and is using different words to express her feelings, but you still need to hear the L-word, why don’t you flat-out ask her? Say, “Hey, I need to know. Do you love me? And if not now, do you feel like you’re headed in that direction?” Maybe at 53, living six hours away from you, she just needs a little more time than someone whose heart is younger and less bruised and sees you every day.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.