It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I got married two years ago and have three children now. Last week, I met up with my high school sweetheart at cricket. He played for my hubby’s team and they have become friends now. It’s hard for me because meeting him again has brought all my memories back and I long for him now. We even started speaking on the phone this week, and now I’m having all these mixed feelings again. I have so much to say to him about our past, but I don’t know if I should! Please, can you give me some advice? — Longing for My High School Sweetheart
Stop talking to your old high school flame on the phone, avoid him at games, and focus on your marriage and the family you have now. Find a therapist who can help you process the pain of your pregnancy, subsequent abortion, and breakup. Most importantly, communicate with your husband about how you’re feeling. If you start closing him off and fantasizing about someone else you haven’t spoken to since you were a teenager, you risk losing the family you have now, which should be much, much more important to you than an old high school flame, however much in love you may have been when you were 16.
What’s not to understand? It sounds like he’s had at least three serious breakups and doesn’t want to risk another one anytime soon. You should thank him for being honest with you and not leading you on. If what you want is a commitment and this man has told you he can’t give that to you, MOA. If you don’t mind keeping things casual and just enjoying each other’s company without worrying about the “next level,” keep seeing him. But just beware that if you ultimately want different things, it’s probably pointless to invest anymore time and emotion into this relationship.
Run for the hills.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.