It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss the classics: cheating, LDRs, and too long no engagement.
Your boyfriend has cheated on you at least 14 times? This one’s easy: MOA.
James wants me to move to with him and have a future together. The long distance is extremely difficult because he has literally NO time to call me and, when he does, it’s very short. I don’t know if you know anything about training to be a navy SEAL, but it is the toughest training in the world. I love him more than anything, and, while I normally would never follow a man for his dreams, I am MISERABLE without him. If I move, we will be able to actually spend time together on the weekends.
My family does not want me to move there for a boy, but there really is nothing my home town has to offer me. So the question is: should I make the big move or should I stay here and just keep trying to make long-distance work? — Navy SEAL girlfriend
Here are eight things you need to do before you move for love. Unless or until you can do all eight, I’d stay put if I were you. Three months (long distance at that) is a very short amount of time to pack up and move across the country if you don’t have anything else besides the relationship you’d be moving for.
I’ve been in a great relationship for almost six years. My boyfriend is loving, endlessly supportive, we have great chemistry, and we want the same things for our future including marriage and children, and we have talked about reaching those things together. We don’t live together yet (we both own homes and it is a bad economy to sell, but we do spend about four nights a week together at one place or the other) which is fine, but I think moving in together is our next milestone. Things are great now, but in my mind I have a “line in the sand” date for the future – not an ultimatum, but if we aren’t living together or engaged by that point, it is my mark to say, “I need to know that these things are in our future, and I need us to have a plan to get there”. I’ve considered telling him my date, but I’m not sure that he needs to know, or if there’s any benefit to him knowing. Why do you think it’s better not to tell? — Line in the Sand
Because you can be more certain that he’s moving forward because he wants to and not because he feels pressured to. That said, I find it a little curious that after six years together you still haven’t discussed solid plans for the future. If I were you, I wouldn’t wait for him to broach the topic; I’d ask him right now if and when he sees taking further steps in the relationship, like living together, marriage and children.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.